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<blockquote data-quote="ScentofCedar" data-source="post: 155628" data-attributes="member: 3353"><p>I think these two pieces go together, Lisa.</p><p></p><p>These are classic symptoms of the emotional abuse, the softening of the victim's perception of self-efficacy, that must precede escalating physical abuse.</p><p></p><p>Without that softening, without that change in self perception, none of us would accept the victim role.</p><p></p><p>This is the piece that explains why we stay in abusive relationships, why we feel we cannot make it, alone in the world.</p><p></p><p>I agree with Meowbunny's suggestions that you contact the police when the boyfried calls you. What he is doing when he calls Nichole's mother is taking her last bastion of support away.</p><p></p><p>He is drawing you into his very nasty game.</p><p></p><p>Whatever problems Nichole has had in the past, he is using them now to freeze her in place.</p><p></p><p>If Nichole is a reader, there is a series of books about the emotional aspects of abusive relationships. </p><p></p><p>The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans</p><p></p><p>Verbal Abuse Survivors Speak Out by Patricia Evans</p><p></p><p>This author also has a website you can access (or Nichole could access) which might help shed a little light on this abusive male's modus operandi. </p><p></p><p><a href="http://www.verbalabuse.com" target="_blank">www.verbalabuse.com</a></p><p></p><p> Once Nichole understands a little more about where he is coming from, two things can happen: First, Nichole will have been given the first tools she needs to begin combating the feeling that the horrible things this dork is telling her about herself are true and secondly, she will realize she is not the only one who trusted someone not to hurt her and then, finds herself in a relationship with someone whose only aim in life is to hurt her. </p><p></p><p>Nichole can come back from this, but right now her defenses are down and she is not thinking right. She believes what he has been telling her about herself. This is a crucial part of the game the verbally abusive partner plays, in any abusive relationship.</p><p></p><p>I am so sorry this is happening to your daughter, Lisa.</p><p></p><p>It must be breaking your heart.</p><p></p><p>Barbara</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="ScentofCedar, post: 155628, member: 3353"] I think these two pieces go together, Lisa. These are classic symptoms of the emotional abuse, the softening of the victim's perception of self-efficacy, that must precede escalating physical abuse. Without that softening, without that change in self perception, none of us would accept the victim role. This is the piece that explains why we stay in abusive relationships, why we feel we cannot make it, alone in the world. I agree with Meowbunny's suggestions that you contact the police when the boyfried calls you. What he is doing when he calls Nichole's mother is taking her last bastion of support away. He is drawing you into his very nasty game. Whatever problems Nichole has had in the past, he is using them now to freeze her in place. If Nichole is a reader, there is a series of books about the emotional aspects of abusive relationships. The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans Verbal Abuse Survivors Speak Out by Patricia Evans This author also has a website you can access (or Nichole could access) which might help shed a little light on this abusive male's modus operandi. [url]www.verbalabuse.com[/url] Once Nichole understands a little more about where he is coming from, two things can happen: First, Nichole will have been given the first tools she needs to begin combating the feeling that the horrible things this dork is telling her about herself are true and secondly, she will realize she is not the only one who trusted someone not to hurt her and then, finds herself in a relationship with someone whose only aim in life is to hurt her. Nichole can come back from this, but right now her defenses are down and she is not thinking right. She believes what he has been telling her about herself. This is a crucial part of the game the verbally abusive partner plays, in any abusive relationship. I am so sorry this is happening to your daughter, Lisa. It must be breaking your heart. Barbara [/QUOTE]
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