Frustrated is putting it mildly. Nichole and boyfriend had another huge blow out (according to him) this afternoon. Now I've told this boy too many times to count NOT to call me during this stuff. Not only do I not want pulled into the drama, there is really not much I can do about anything anyway. Yet he has yet to stop calling or coming over to pull me into every darn one. First time he called Nichole hung up the phone. He called back and tried to tell me she was trashing his belongings and the house, that he'd had to "restrain her" again too many times to count, blah blah blah. Maybe I should be concerned, but honestly the boy lost my sympathy on this sort of thing a while back. I've told him repeatedly he has no business "restraining" Nichole and to call the police at the slightest hint of violence. Yet he never does. Never. Must not be too darn bad then, huh? And I've got a problem with this "restraining" bit of his too. If Nichole is so "violent" that he needs to restrain her, why is she the one who has bruises but not him? I've yet in all this time to see a single mark on the boy, but over and over after being "restrained" I see bruises on my daughter....and many of them in places no restraining hold should have put a bruise. Well, funny thing. Nichole got on the phone and her tone and all pretty much told me she was angry but not out of control. boyfriend was screaming like he'd went off the deep end in the background about her preventing him from getting to his midterms. Nichole calmly explained she'd been trying to come home with the baby and he wouldn't let her leave. He varified it screaming that she wasn't leaving til she cleaned up the mess. I told Nichole to simply walk out the door and come home. I figured if there was real damage, he'd call the police. Nichole promised me that was what she was doing. Not long after boyfriend dropped Nichole off at the house. There was no scene on Nichole's behalf. He left. Nichole stayed outside and I went out to see if she was ok and what had happened. This started because she tried to wake him up for class, the one he had the midterm for so he wouldn't be late. She told me she didn't do what he said she did. That he'd been acting strangely lately, really aggitated, easily provolked....too easily provolked. I watched for her to take off her sweatshirt. She didn't. Tomorrow I'll keep an eye out for bruises. I did talk to her about the Cycle of Abuse. I reminded her that abuse doesn't have to be physical. All this time I've done my best to not take sides and to be objective. I'm no saint, but I've done my best. I know Nichole is no angel. But I also know Nichole has been trying hard and has changed a great deal in both her behavior and actions, even the way she speaks to boyfriend. Yet none of his behaivor has yet to change except for the worse. I do believe he's manipulative. I've seen too much of it. I know he has major issues of control. I know he uses her illness against her for everything. I know he calls her names, puts her down. I know because I've seen this. I don't know if they split over this last blow out. I know they weren't speaking when he left. (a first) I didn't pry too hard because Nichole was reluctant to talk. IF Nichole's behavior is so violent, why doens't he just call the police? Odds are that it would be enough to stop that behavior completely. It would scare the heck out of Nichole. (never been in trouble with the law before) But no matter how horrible he says it is supposed to be does he ever pick up the phone and dial 911. Not once. Why would he hesitate when her own mother has told him to do it? Is it just me or does that seem really odd? I'm worried Nichole is stuck in an abusive relationship. That by trying to stay objective maybe I've sent her the wrong message, that I think somehow she is at fault, or that I believed everything that boyfriend says she does. Because lately I've been seeing more "victim" behavior than "aggressor" behavior. (I'm talking months here) I've literally watched her take full blame for things that were not her fault simply because boyfriend harassed and hounded and caused so much drama she finally caved in. And I wonder about her violence because I know she was in a violent relationship once before boyfriend. Funny, she never hit the boy once. I dunno. I think I'm rambling now. But there is just something NOT adding up about boyfriend's behavior. And although I'm trying hard to be objective, it's stuck in my craw since before Nichole was pregnant. And it's weighing heavier on my mind since I've watched Nichole trying so hard all this time. I'd thought that when boyfriend and I'd talked that it would help some. It didn't. In these last several blow outs, it's been his behavior, not Nichole's that worries me. So, what do you do when you think you may have been manipulated too? Because I feel like boyfriend has been playing a game where he makes it look like Nichole is "crazy out of control" while he's the caring calm boyfriend victim, so behind the scenes he can do and get away with whatever he pleases because no one is gonna believe Nichole. If you want the truth, it was Nichole who looked like the whipped dog tonight, not boyfriend. Same for Mother's Day. Same for the past ones before that. How does the one supposedly causing all the "problems" always end up literally looking like the victim? And the so called victim never looks the worse for wear?? Am I right to be suspicious? And if he's doing this, and managed to convince her I don't believe her either, how on earth do I fix that? Oh, God. What a mess. If anyone has any advice I'm open. This situation is esculating fast and I don't know if I can stop it before something serious happens. Nichole is NOT open to talking to a domestic violence counselor. And boyfriend is showing the classic blow up, apologize, sweetness for short period, and then back to blow up signs. I've pointed this out to her. I don't know what else I can do. And it does not make me feel better that Nichole told me that boyfriend stabbed his older brother in the back with sewing shears when he was about 10-12 yrs old. Brutal wound. This was not kids playing. So boyfriend is not the passivist he pretends to be. Cuz as bad a difficult child as Nichole may be, other than threats she's never actually physically harmed her sibs. Ok. I'm stopping now or I'll start rambling. Too many thoughts running thru my brain.