Trading one mess for another

[newstart]

I don't have any friends outside of this board that have troubled children. It is a bit odd and hard. They NEVER bring up my son. They don't ask about him, nor would they understand if they did ask. Either there is subtle (no not so subtle) mother-bashing or they catastrophize him (like tell me he is schizophrenic) and make me feel worse than ever. This board has helped me accept my life and accept myself. I am always grateful.

Your poor husband. He seems to just want to able to hold onto some piece of his family of origin life to hold onto as good.

I believe you are right Copa. Just one little piece of his family and that little piece is really not good. I know several women that have wayward children. One of my friends has a daughter that is so off track that when I ran into her at a clothes store she cried and talked to me for a couple of hours. She said I would never understand it since my daughter seems so 'put together'. I told her that I have been through hell and back and there are many of us that may appear to look somewhat normal to the public but we have had nothing normal at all. That same woman does not talk to me anymore because she is embarrassed at what she told me about her daughter. When I told her I have lived through some of the same she looked at me like there is no way. Also some of the stuff she was telling me her daughter was doing was the same things my daughter had done and it is horrific to live through. I bet some of the people you think have ok lifestyles are not telling you the entire picture. One of the reasons I am not jealous of anyone is because none of us get out of this world unscathed. *Love*

 

[Copabanana]

One of my friends has a daughter that is so off track that when I ran into her at a clothes store she cried

That same woman does not talk to me anymore because she is embarrassed at what she told me about her daughter.

This is just tragic. I cannot imagine being embarrassed at only being human. And worse than that, I wonder if this friend feels shame not because of her child's suffering and problems, but because it makes her look damaged or imperfect.

Give me a break. I agree with you. We are all imperfect and damaged in one way or another. But to try to keep up an image. Oh, really.
I couldn't care less.

I live in a place where I am not from. It's a very surfacy place. When I see women my age who are acquaintances in the street if tell them the truth about how I feel or what's going on (and nearly always I do) they look at me like I peed on the ground. Even though I know that I shouldn't care, I do. I feel embarrassed and vulnerable. Even though I know better.

I am trying to move back to where I am from. I can't leave here fast enough.

Newstart, my thinking is exactly like yours in all respects.

 

[newstart]

This is just tragic. I cannot imagine being embarrassed at only being human. And worse than that, I wonder if this friend feels shame not because of her child's suffering and problems, but because it makes her look damaged or imperfect.

Give me a break. I agree with you. We are all imperfect and damaged in one way or another. But to try to keep up an image. Oh, really.
I couldn't care less.

I live in a place where I am not from. It's a very surfacy place. When I see women my age who are acquaintances in the street if tell them the truth about how I feel or what's going on (and nearly always I do) they look at me like I peed on the ground. Even though I know that I shouldn't care, I do. I feel embarrassed and vulnerable. Even though I know better.

I am trying to move back to where I am from. I can't leave here fast enough.

Newstart, my thinking is exactly like yours in all respects.

Hi Copa, I pray you get to live where you are most comfortable. I wish I could live in Albuquerque. I love that place but the drug problem there is way out of hand. People openly shooting drugs even in the good parts of town. The only place I have ever been that I can't leave fast enough is L.A. I have been there many times for work and always glad to get out. One of the last times I was in L.A. I watched a woman dump about a cup of sugar into her small cup of coffee. I have felt embarrassed and harmed by my daughters behaviors. I hid in my house for a while because I was so horrified at the things she was doing. And I know I was being judged for it. *Love*