I'm new and here is my story.....

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by hunnyb978, Jun 10, 2011.

  1. hunnyb978

    hunnyb978 New Member

    OK, here goes. My son is 12. He has always been a challenge. When he was younger he would bang his head when he was mad, fight me before school about getting his clothes on because his "clothes hurt" tags, zippers and the like. Always defiant and never easy.

    His father moved away 2 years ago with his new family and doesn't call or write, zero contact. He was very upset over this and his behavior has only worsened. He had a neuro evaluation in 2008 which diagnosed him with ADHD. He has been seeing a counselor since he was 6 for his behavior problems. (I know I'm all over the place but I'm just so happy to be here!) We've tried quite a few medications Trileptal, Ritalin, Adderall there are more I just can't remember them. We are currently on Lexapro and Intuniv. He is on the first month of Lexapro 10mg. It seems to be making a small difference. We're on week 2 of Inutniv 2mg and he keeps complaining of headaches and being tired. I have seen no difference yet in his behavior.

    He recently just qualified for an IEP at his school. They didn't fight us because it's obvious he needs help. He doesn't have a problem learning but his behavior gets in the way of other kids learning and he's constantly in trouble. He has a CHINS and has admitted to smoking pot. This is all in the past 4 months. He sees a counselor every 2 weeks and we have medication evaluations every 2 weeks. I have an appointment for a new neuro evaluation June 28th. He is also labelled as a bully.

    We have good days and bad days. It's just so nice to find a community that will understand what I am saying and not judge. I'm so sick of being judged by my sons behavior...the courts, the schools, my family..

    If you have any advice I'm open to it!
  2. BeachPeace

    BeachPeace Guest

    Welcome - this is really a great place for support.
  3. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Welcome!!! And lots of gentle hugs.

    Does he still have problems with zippers, tags, etc.? For some kids this is temporary, for others it's serious and ongoing. Sensory Integration Disorder. Jett has problems with seams, tags... Etc. A lot of times he said wearing his shirts inside-out is more comfortable. And some people have milder forms of it - I cannot STAND wearing wet clothing. Minor. I can deal. But kids have a harder time.

    His father moving away is a serious issue. I'm glad your son is in counseling. Are you doing family counseling with him? Sometimes this helps.

    Unfortunately... About the pot... Self-medicating is, unfortunately, fairly common with our difficult children. I can't tell you how to make it stop. I can tell you we are here for you.

    There are also people here with more ideas than I have... BUT I wanted to say hi - and welcome you to the family!
  4. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    ADHD is the only diagnosis the neuropsychologist gave you? It sounds like there might be more going on. The tags and such are definitely sensory issues. Since you are going to a neuropsychologist again, you might want to ask specifically about Autism Spectrum. Most kids with this diagnosis have ongoing sensory issues, appear to be ADHD, and because of their lack of social skills (seeing others' point of view, chang of mindset, and reading social cues) can sometimes appear to be a bully. We have had similar issues and only found out recently that my difficult child is on the Autism Spectrum. That diagnosis sure explained a lot and has helped me deal with things more effectively.

    Glad you found us! Welcome to the "best family" I have ever belonged to.
  5. shellyd67

    shellyd67 Active Member

    Welcome !

    You will not be judged here. Many of us are in your shoes and know just how challenging it is to raise a difficult child.

    I hope to get to know you better and again welcome !!! Shelly
  6. keista

    keista New Member


    The 'clothing hurts' thing definitely sounds like what Step said - Sensory Integration Disorder. I don't know much about neuro evaluations, but thought that's something it would identify. I hope this next one is being done by someone else? From what little you wrote, it sounds like more than just ADHD. My favorite question to doctors is "What ELSE can it be? or Could there be something else also?

    Yes, it's so exciting to find a community of wonderful ppl with similar problems. Read some threads, and contemplate where specifically you want some more advice. We'll all be happy to bombard you with it. :)

    Stick around, this is a great place for support, insights and guidance.
  7. keista

    keista New Member

    TeDo, I had to reread the post too, I think it's a plain neurologist evaluation. Figured one f you 'vets' who might know the difference can explain it. I don't know much about either.
  8. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    If he hasn't seen an actual neuropsychologist, please do it. They are usually 6-10 hours of testing and tell A LOT. in my opinion more is going on that just ADHD. Definitely sensory issues...if he is clueless about social skills, he may be on the high functioning end of the spectrum.

    As for admitting to pot, most using kids do not admit the degree of drugs they are using and be prepared that he may be smoking a lot more pot than he says or even trying other things. Sadly, I had one daughter who taught me this well...
  9. hunnyb978

    hunnyb978 New Member

    Hi Everyone!! Thank you for all the responses! I felt like I was all over the place in my post because I just don't know where to begin! There is sooo much that has happened and so many things that we have tried...

    It was a 2 day long neuropsychologist evaluation in 08. He did not believe Damon had autism. He would score in the high range of one thing and then be on the low end of another thing so he did not feel comfortable putting him in the Autism spectrum. He did recommend that he be tested again in a couple of years so that's why we're going back now.

    Damon used to be terrible with clothing sensory issues when he was in preschool and kindergarten. His socks would "hurt" because of the seam at the toe end. He couldn't have cuffs on the bottom of sleeves because they were too tight. I used to not want to get out of bed in the morning... Things have improved with the clothing though. He still hates tags and some of his shirts are "scratchy" but its no where near the battle that it used to be. I have always mentioned the sensory things when we go to someone new but no one has seen this as a anything significant.

    I reason why I know it is pot and only pot is because I found it in his room and then ran out and got a drug test. Then I went and filed a CHINS on him and he gets tested monthly and has come up clean since 30 days after he admitted to smoking it and that it wasn't his friends.

    I spoke with an aide in my sons science class today and she said he can barely keep his eyes open in class and he really believes its his Intuniv. He takes it before bed. We see his doctor on Thursday and I wonder if the time of day makes a difference. Maybe he should take it in the morning?

    Thank you all for responding to this. I'm glad to be here! When I read the front page of this website I couldn't believe how much I wanted to cry tears of joy. Its like "I am not alone"!

    I'm sure I'm forgetting a response to a question so if I did please make me aware!

    Thank You,
  10. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Just wanted to say Welcome. My youngest difficult child had many of the behaviors that you described. He had an Neuro/psychiatric and then a second one two years later. The second one honed in on issues that the first missed. The sensory issues we had at an early age but it disipated, thank heavens, with the passage of time. Glad you found us. DDD
  11. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    Hello and welcome. I was excited to find this place as well. I too am tired of being judged. You are in good company.
    My 23 year old had the same issues when young-sensory integration and ADHD and by age 8 we identified vestibular disturbance. He did not get into much trouble because he was medicated successfully by age 5. My daughter is different all together. We had drug issues with her-keep the drug testing going but...know that they can beat those marijuana tests if they drink a bunch of liquid (he may not know that yet, but its general knowledge with the older kids).
    Im glad your trying new medications and seeking help. You must know that you are a super mom-only 8% of parents seek help for their mentally ill children. Boy do these kids take a ton of energy!
    Keep reading (I learn more this way), and sharing. Hugs!
  12. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Adding in my welcome-glad you found our little corner of the world although sorry that you needed to.
  13. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Hi Hunnyb, welcome!
    Yes, your son seems to have Sensory Integration Disorder (SID), so go easy on the tags, buy all cotton clothing, etc. He will eventually learn to shop for himself and buy nonirritating items.
    I'm not a dr, but from a mom point of view, I disagree with-the neuropsychologist's reason for not putting your difficult child on the autism spectrum. Being all over the place on scoring is exactly the right definition. Some parts of the brain are highly developed, and other parts are not, typically, the frontal lobes and other areas dealing with-social skills and impulse control.
    I would pick up a cpl of books and read up on Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD), Asperger's, etc, just to see what sorts of behaviors look familiar.
    One thing I always recommend is to have a consistent routine. Another thing lots of people here like to recommend is to choose your battles. If your son says NO to everything, make sure that there are a couple of things that are non-negotiable, such as family dinners at 6 p.m., or showing up for school. Other than that, if he wants to wear two diff colored socks or
    sleep with-his baseball cleats on (just saying ... ) you may want to give it up.
    I'm glad you are able to get svcs at school. It helps a lot!