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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 668117" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hi, Paul. Sorry you have to be here, but glad you found us.</p><p></p><p>One thing I've noticed is that the young people do not see pot the same way we may. Pot, to them, is better than alcohol and it is going to be legal everywhere soon. So pot is going to be part of our society. We don't have to like it, just as people like me don't like it OR alcohol, but we can't stop even our kids from using something if they really want to. We are not going to chnage the mindset of an entire generation. If your son and daughter smoke pot, without abusing it, if it were me, I wouldn't worry. If they can't live without being high every day or have dabbled into other drugs, then I would be scared and sad, but there would be nothing I could do to stop him/her other t han to set boundaries in my own house. </p><p></p><p>No pot in your house ever is reasonable. Nobody in my house can even light up a cigarette. They have to be outside.When we had a house, it was that they had to be off th e property. The same went for pot and we did not want drunken folks in our house either so we had a peaceful, calm house as we were strict about enforcing the rules in our sanctuary (our home, wherever that is).But whatthey do outside of our home is up to them. We can only control what one person in t his world does and that is us. But we can control what we allow in our home and you did fine. by the way, who pays for that car? You are not obligated to provide him with a car or pay insurance or gas money. Does your son go to school or work? If not, if it were me, there would be no car. Remember, he is driving while high.</p><p></p><p>As for having to listen unfortunately to horrible abuse and blame from our adult children IS within our control. No, we don't have to listen to it. We can be calm and say, "I know I've made mistake, but I love you and I don't want to listen to emotional abuse. From now on, when you start it, I will gently disconnect the phone or stop texting or leave the house until you calm down and talk to me like the adult that you are." Then you can do it. I had to do it with one of my grown kids and after he saw I m eant it, our relationship changed so much for the better.</p><p></p><p>Nobody has a right to abuse you. You don't have to listen or stay in their space and feel bad. I don't know t he circumstances of your divorce, but you are doing the right thing n ow and don't need the stress and heartache of listening to your son bashing you. He is angry now because you made him leave. That is when they ramp it up and it gets to be ugly at times. But you don't have to listen to angry tirades and accusations. But always be calm. And always say, "I love you, but I will talk to you when you are calmer. Bye." Disconnect call or text. Put your phone in a drawer if you can't resist reading or texting back.</p><p></p><p>I am one who does not respect anything that makes us not ourselves, including alcohol. But the fact is, I have to live with alcohol. It is legal. If it is not somebody getting drunk in my house, and I am with them, it is up to me or stay or leave if people are drinking. Unless it is a drunkfest we stay. Nobody is doing anything wrong.</p><p></p><p>I feel the same way about pot now, although Ibelieve pot (and alcohol and cigarettes) can cause health issues that we don't know t he extent of yet. I suspect that, like alcohol, many will be able to safely smoke pot in moderation and many will become addicted to it, even if it's psychological. Many will just smoke pot and that's it. Many will go on to use other things, same as alcohol. So I treat it like alcohol now. At leat in my mind. I have never had a friend who pulled out a joint...lol. Well, not in front of me <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> I am 62 so I sure saw it when I was a kid. I didn't like it then and I don't like it now, but I can't stop it's wide acceptance in our young. Our young are different than we are. Each gneration thinks differently than the one before it and we can't control that.</p><p></p><p>I hope you take good care of yourself. Enjoy time with your daughter, but do your own things too. You are doing the best you can and do not need to listen to ANYONE verbally abuse you for any reason.</p><p></p><p>Glad you joined us. Keep posting <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 668117, member: 1550"] Hi, Paul. Sorry you have to be here, but glad you found us. One thing I've noticed is that the young people do not see pot the same way we may. Pot, to them, is better than alcohol and it is going to be legal everywhere soon. So pot is going to be part of our society. We don't have to like it, just as people like me don't like it OR alcohol, but we can't stop even our kids from using something if they really want to. We are not going to chnage the mindset of an entire generation. If your son and daughter smoke pot, without abusing it, if it were me, I wouldn't worry. If they can't live without being high every day or have dabbled into other drugs, then I would be scared and sad, but there would be nothing I could do to stop him/her other t han to set boundaries in my own house. No pot in your house ever is reasonable. Nobody in my house can even light up a cigarette. They have to be outside.When we had a house, it was that they had to be off th e property. The same went for pot and we did not want drunken folks in our house either so we had a peaceful, calm house as we were strict about enforcing the rules in our sanctuary (our home, wherever that is).But whatthey do outside of our home is up to them. We can only control what one person in t his world does and that is us. But we can control what we allow in our home and you did fine. by the way, who pays for that car? You are not obligated to provide him with a car or pay insurance or gas money. Does your son go to school or work? If not, if it were me, there would be no car. Remember, he is driving while high. As for having to listen unfortunately to horrible abuse and blame from our adult children IS within our control. No, we don't have to listen to it. We can be calm and say, "I know I've made mistake, but I love you and I don't want to listen to emotional abuse. From now on, when you start it, I will gently disconnect the phone or stop texting or leave the house until you calm down and talk to me like the adult that you are." Then you can do it. I had to do it with one of my grown kids and after he saw I m eant it, our relationship changed so much for the better. Nobody has a right to abuse you. You don't have to listen or stay in their space and feel bad. I don't know t he circumstances of your divorce, but you are doing the right thing n ow and don't need the stress and heartache of listening to your son bashing you. He is angry now because you made him leave. That is when they ramp it up and it gets to be ugly at times. But you don't have to listen to angry tirades and accusations. But always be calm. And always say, "I love you, but I will talk to you when you are calmer. Bye." Disconnect call or text. Put your phone in a drawer if you can't resist reading or texting back. I am one who does not respect anything that makes us not ourselves, including alcohol. But the fact is, I have to live with alcohol. It is legal. If it is not somebody getting drunk in my house, and I am with them, it is up to me or stay or leave if people are drinking. Unless it is a drunkfest we stay. Nobody is doing anything wrong. I feel the same way about pot now, although Ibelieve pot (and alcohol and cigarettes) can cause health issues that we don't know t he extent of yet. I suspect that, like alcohol, many will be able to safely smoke pot in moderation and many will become addicted to it, even if it's psychological. Many will just smoke pot and that's it. Many will go on to use other things, same as alcohol. So I treat it like alcohol now. At leat in my mind. I have never had a friend who pulled out a joint...lol. Well, not in front of me :) I am 62 so I sure saw it when I was a kid. I didn't like it then and I don't like it now, but I can't stop it's wide acceptance in our young. Our young are different than we are. Each gneration thinks differently than the one before it and we can't control that. I hope you take good care of yourself. Enjoy time with your daughter, but do your own things too. You are doing the best you can and do not need to listen to ANYONE verbally abuse you for any reason. Glad you joined us. Keep posting ;) [/QUOTE]
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