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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 668599" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Hi Paul So sorry for your ordeal with your son,I have been down this road a long time now and wish I had found this site earlier.</p><p></p><p>Your son's attempt to rein his sister in to his world by smoking pot with her is reprehensible. Absolutely unacceptable.</p><p></p><p>I hope that you are able to stand firm in your decision. It will force your son to be a man and fend for himself. He will not have the luxury of living at home and dragging his sister down with him. It would be a different story if he was contributing to your household, but he's not. He has removed himself from your home due to his behavior. No matter what he says, or what the past was, the choices he is making now make it impossible for him to live in your home and for you and your daughter to have peace. </p><p></p><p>We tried for many years to help our difficult adult children by allowing them to come home. They would make an effort for awhile, then go back to destructive ways, It wreaked havoc in our house. 11 long years later, I am finally realizing the toll it has taken on my husband and I, as well as taken away from being there for our boy. </p><p></p><p>Both of my daughters have plenty to say about why they do what they do. According to them it is all my fault. The guilt card has been played many a time and it is VERY affective. It keeps us, as parents, examining ourselves and our past mistakes, while our manipulative difficult children continue status quo.</p><p></p><p>We are only human. We make mistakes in all aspects of our lives, including parenting. When our children reach adulthood, their choices belong to them, irregardless of where, when, who, how, what, why happened in their past. Others have had tragic lives as children, but grown up to better themselves and did not dabble in drugs. As adults, they need to own up and face responsibility for their decisions.</p><p></p><p>You did the right thing by not allowing your son to live with you. He is a danger to his sister and detrimental to the peace in your home as long as he is using. As long as he is using and you give in to him, it prevents him from getting help.</p><p></p><p>Please read the article on Loving Detachment. It is very helpful towards sorting through all of this. </p><p></p><p>The fact that your daughter is happy her brother is not at home is a big neon sign for you. The fact that you have to keep your tools that are essential to your livelihood locked up, for fear that your boy will steal them is telling. We had money missing from our wallets, family heirloom jewelry stolen, tools taken the list goes on. </p><p></p><p>The worse theft is the TIME stolen from us, as we tried to rescue our two. It ALWAYS came back to bite us. </p><p></p><p>Please keep posting here. It is a very helpful place to be. You are not alone in this struggle.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 668599, member: 19522"] Hi Paul So sorry for your ordeal with your son,I have been down this road a long time now and wish I had found this site earlier. Your son's attempt to rein his sister in to his world by smoking pot with her is reprehensible. Absolutely unacceptable. I hope that you are able to stand firm in your decision. It will force your son to be a man and fend for himself. He will not have the luxury of living at home and dragging his sister down with him. It would be a different story if he was contributing to your household, but he's not. He has removed himself from your home due to his behavior. No matter what he says, or what the past was, the choices he is making now make it impossible for him to live in your home and for you and your daughter to have peace. We tried for many years to help our difficult adult children by allowing them to come home. They would make an effort for awhile, then go back to destructive ways, It wreaked havoc in our house. 11 long years later, I am finally realizing the toll it has taken on my husband and I, as well as taken away from being there for our boy. Both of my daughters have plenty to say about why they do what they do. According to them it is all my fault. The guilt card has been played many a time and it is VERY affective. It keeps us, as parents, examining ourselves and our past mistakes, while our manipulative difficult children continue status quo. We are only human. We make mistakes in all aspects of our lives, including parenting. When our children reach adulthood, their choices belong to them, irregardless of where, when, who, how, what, why happened in their past. Others have had tragic lives as children, but grown up to better themselves and did not dabble in drugs. As adults, they need to own up and face responsibility for their decisions. You did the right thing by not allowing your son to live with you. He is a danger to his sister and detrimental to the peace in your home as long as he is using. As long as he is using and you give in to him, it prevents him from getting help. Please read the article on Loving Detachment. It is very helpful towards sorting through all of this. The fact that your daughter is happy her brother is not at home is a big neon sign for you. The fact that you have to keep your tools that are essential to your livelihood locked up, for fear that your boy will steal them is telling. We had money missing from our wallets, family heirloom jewelry stolen, tools taken the list goes on. The worse theft is the TIME stolen from us, as we tried to rescue our two. It ALWAYS came back to bite us. Please keep posting here. It is a very helpful place to be. You are not alone in this struggle. [/QUOTE]
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