Im ready to give up.....

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Confused, Feb 9, 2012.

  1. Confused

    Confused Guest

    :hamwheelsmilf: This is me going no where. Another morning of fighting with both children. An hour to get them out of bed another 40 to get them going. I used to get them up at 6:30am/ enough time to wake up,eat etc. and drive 10 minutes to school. Now because they don't get up It gets to the point we have to start early and constantly go in there. An average of 15/30 times no kidding telling them to get up. We start gentle- lights on, good morning sweeties, time to get up and so on. I know late them be late and learn. My son never learns from this, only tantrums a couple hours and says who cares. Having them home screaming bloody murder,slamming doors, hitting each other etc, no thanks! I know, stuff out of both rooms, privileges away etc. According to my daughter we are suppose to have freedom of speech so she can do anything she wants anytime she wants. TV,Computer,No shower,No tutor (math) she was forced to do Piano in order to stay in her private school cuz of my grandpa. When she quit, she promised to do sports or another instrument. Nothing! Computer/TV/Nintendo. My son is the same way. He even threatened to kick me when I told him (after asking 2 times nicely to please go to the bathroom) that he had to use it or he is not walking out he door. He will hold it until he pees in his pants. Im trying the Chart with them, including them, letting them" make decisions" But No. Then they wanted candy grams for their whole class, this adds up, plus we give money for valentines party, functions there , its as if we are holding our wallets out never closing it at home and school. They do not appreciate it. My friend says then shes worse than me with her "forcing her child this like get ready, study etc"

    Im so fed up. I know your all's problems are worse then mine. I as well as the kids the constant arguing has to stop. I'm the parent but yet nothing I do works.

    They are their dad, they want their dad and I told them this morning I will send both of them to him and their new mom and they never have to hear from me again. I know you shouldn't say this to your kids. This is what they want. Their dad wont care when they miss school, he will only care when it interferes with his sex and drunk life. But he will just leave them at home , wander the streets or to whatever drunk friend will take them. I told them this and they say nothing, they know he drinks. My daughter said she can tell because he smells like it and acts a little different! Still no word from their dad as I said before.

    I feel like blah because I told my dad I cant handle them or want them like this. The kids I bet didn't hear all I said so probably think it meant I don't want them period. I do want them, I cant live like this, they cant live like this. Its funny their dads not around but yet they want him. My daughter hates properly washing up,her dad I can say is like me and I am appreciative for him to be strong on the shower issue. See, I can praise their dad! I told him he's too old to go in their with her, but at least that's one rule I know he will enforce.

    Im just the worst mom ever I guess. I feel so horrible coming here complaining, when Ktllc little girl is having speech issues, and buddy, Insane....., every one here. I hope all your little ones get better. I know you all are going through worse as your little ones. Hugs to you all.
  2. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member


    Repeat after me: "I am NOT a bad parent."
    Rx: tell yourself this, at least 10 times a day.

    What you have is two messed up kids.
    They need help. Not that THEY know that, really, but they do.
    You know that.
    Getting help? well, not so easy, as most of us around here know.

    There's probably more than one factor - and some of these will work against other factors...
    Getting up in the morning is a function of several things:
    - quantity of sleep
    - quality of sleep
    - circadian rhythm - sometimes called "body clock"

    Sometimes, minor changes to routine can have major impact on sleep. Other times... it can be really complex.
    Have you tried the simple stuff? The "sleep hygene" stuff?

    I don't remember all the details of your story - the kids were with Dad for some period, and have just returned to you? or have you had them all along?
  3. Confused

    Confused Guest

    They do fight me on bedtime, but even when they get enough sleep, they are still hard to get up. My son can go to bed at 7pm and trying to get him up at 6am is hard. Even sometimes at 6pm, he can be hard.These days he does better on waking up, but getting going almost daily is a challenge. My daughter does fight me on her bedtime and says she has the right to go to bed at 10/11pm. Once she is up, she is fine getting ready.

    Quality of sleep,both overall I believe are good. Hmm, my son does move around a few times. Maybe not so goo then? Sleep Hygene, what is that?

    They haven't seen there dad for a year and almost 2 months.

    *** my kids are grumpy still even after school*** Well, gotta make dinner. Thank you.
  4. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Well, quantity is reasonable.
    STILL hard to wake? I'd say that there has to be a quality of sleep issue, somewhere.
    BUT... it can be many things...
    - physical/medical issues (sleep apnea, not enough REM sleep, I don't remember them all)
    - too many interruptions in sleep - waking to go to the washroom, or cold, or hungry, or falling out of bed, etc.
    - medications reactions affecting sleep quality
    - extreme mental or emotional exhaustion... regular sleep just isn't enough, there is no recovery...
    - mental health issues such as anxiety or depression
    (this is just a partial list, but will give you some ideas)

    Sleep hygene. I don't have the official definition around here anywhere, but... the way it was explained to me is, hygene is taking care of your body so your body can take care of you... sleep hygene is taking care of your sleep so your sleep can take care of you...

    In practical terms, its about understanding the things that in general make for good sleep, and then understanding the things that specifically work for you (in this case, your child).

    Things like...
    - bedtime routines
    - types of activities done in the last couple of hours before bedtime - computers are bad, high-energy activities are not the best, heavy meal in that timeframe can be an issue... quiet, non-competitive, low-stress activities are best.
    - lighting - try turning down the lights in the evening... nature uses dawn and dusk to transition, why should we just switch off the lights and expect to go to sleep?
    - noise - you might be surprised at just how noisy the home is when your kids are trying to sleep... dishwasher, washing machine, dryer, hair dryer, showers, clearing the table, putting away dishes, vacuuming, squeeky hinges, jingling keys, whatever else. Please note: not all of these, or even any of these, are a problem for any one person... but they might be. We had to learn to literally shut down our lives when difficult child went to bed... He hears things even in his sleep.
    - lack of appropriate noise - some like white noise, some like classical music or other things that are calming and non-stimulating.
    - blood sugar - being stuffed from supper isn't good, being high on sugar isn't either, and waking up hungry is worse. There is a balance. Consider a small balanced bedtime snack, like a glass of milk, or a bit of plain yogurt.
    - your level of calm and relaxation will affect the kids and how wound up they are... ironic, I know, because it's their off-the-wall stuff that takes the calm out of us, but... you can learn to deflect, and it does help.

    It's about getting to know your body, and applying what works on a consistent basis. For example, we've learned to save that cheesecake slice for lunch tomorrow instead of a bedtime snack!

    Clear as mud, right?
  5. Confused

    Confused Guest

    Thank you :bigsmile: I see your points! I got some things to figure out lol
  6. keista

    keista New Member

    There is one thing that Insane did not specifically cover that can reduce the quality of sleep - low level allergies. It can cause congestion. Not the obvious kind, but enough so breathing is reduced and when breathing is reduced, sleep quality suffers.

    Dust mites would be the most obvious culprits. Clean bedsheets and pillowcases often, and get hypoallergenic pillows and/or covers, or buy new cheapie ones every six months or so. Benadryl before bed (check with doctor or pharmacist first, I'm not prescribing here) would help them get to sleep AND help alleviate any such allergies.
  7. buddy

    buddy New Member

    I was thinking as I read IC's post that if you have any pets... that can interfere too... even if they are cuddly I have heard they move and you just go out of that good sleep..... not sure if they sleep with pets but just thought I'd mention it...
  8. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Please dont ever compare your problems with anyone elses... HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS....

    It is a matter of what we are used to I suppose, but I would not trade my one intense kid for TWO ganging up on me for a second!!!!!

    You have a near-puberty girl who may be having some growth/hormone issues going on... and a very challenging five year old.

    Q will refuse to get up and luckily he doesn't want to miss the bus so I can say ok... if you are not up then I call the bus because it is not fair to make them wait and he pops his booty out of bed...

    Wish it was that easy a fix for most issues, but I deserve a break once in a while LOL!!! Still, I DO say to him that if he can't get up and do well because he is too tired, then he needs to go to bed earlier... NOW that may not be the issue for real, but for him the thought of going to bed earlier does not go over well and he generally will stop whining or not cooperating etc.... (in regard to that issue anyway... wish it worked for all his behaviors!)

    so... thinking with my mean mommy you have a loud bell you can ring and not stop ringing until they are out of their beds??? OR LOUD Opera music or some other obnoxious music that forces them to not be able to go back to sleep???

    And then there is nice mom who would offer immediate incentives.... even pay for this because I hate morning routine issues so badly that yes, I would make this an allowance situation and hope to build to self reliance. But as we all know here, many of our difficult child kids do not respond to incentives or consequences, I get that, but just brain storming here.....

    Obviously the others have given more productive advice, so just thought I'd say I agree and throw out some survival possibilities... clearly there are underlying issues of some sort so that is what you need to really work on...feel free to ignore me... I seem to have some flighty ideas today
  9. Confused

    Confused Guest

    Both of my kids have allergies, but it rarely effects my daughter. My son on the other hand, his seem to help him get bronchitis every year, according to his Dr. He ( when I can get him to take it) takes Singular 5mg nightly or during the worst part of allergy season. I do clean their sheets often, but they have those fancy kids pillows, so less often or some clean by hand. I will do this, thank you :)
  10. Confused

    Confused Guest

    To the pets, our last dog died about 3 years ago, so all we have is gerbils,fish and outdoor turtles. They don't even touch the gerbils! I have rang the door bell,shook the plates in the cabinet (its loud lol), turned up the radio/tv after trying nicely to wake up. Nicely, I tickle my son, like I did my daughter when she was his age ( although sometimes he gets mad about it) or I gently tap them and say " come on honey, time to get up" Incentives, it works that day and not the next lol!

    Im not going to Ignore you! You have been great! :) I hope your ok now :) Thank you.
  11. buddy

    buddy New Member

    (Warning: totally not serious here so no cps reports okay???)

    OOOO........those doggie collars where you can push the button and it sends a mild shock thru them???
    spray bottle of water??? (oh my I used a bottle of water that had been a windex bottle once .... just had it out but Q was coming at me so I grabbed it and sprayed him... he barely even got upset and I laughed and he went to school. A couple of hours later the principal called and said that Q was in the nurses office asking for a bath because I had sprayed chemicals all over him and he thought he was going to DIE! so make sure they know it is water, LOL)

    I know, Ross Greene and Doug Riley are not able to sleep tonight with this kind of talk going out into cyber space....LOL

  12. Confused

    Confused Guest

    Your so funny lol!