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I'm so discouraged...
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<blockquote data-quote="therese005us" data-source="post: 305056" data-attributes="member: 7416"><p>Thanks Marg for that thorough response. I'm absolutely in no fit state to respond at the moment.... too emotional. </p><p>Some of the responses I am finding very helpful, some are confronting and very close to the truth - some are a little far from the mark too; I know you are all meaning well. Our cultural differences are that, very different, and you do seem to have more resourcees available than we do here in OZ, or perhaps I don't know yet how to access some of mine, especially being in a remote place.</p><p> </p><p>Today the Job Services Counsellor called me. She's been trying for several days. It was urgent. And sad.</p><p> </p><p>She has come to the conclusion, from reviewing her file, talking to DS19, and also to me on Friday with him, that he is not going to be suited to the apprenticeship; and in fact, probably unsuited to most workplaces due to his disability. She has spoken to the employer where he is currently doing work experience, and without even having anything disclosed, he had questions, 'is he mentally disabled?' Of course, she was not at liberty to disclose, and simply said, 'he has issues'. It followe dthat the boss told her that he was too slow, had no initiative, couldn't follow through on a simple task etc. etc. The list was long. He wouldn't be offering him any employment, least of all an apprenticeship. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>So, she wants me to come in as soon as possible and have DS transferred to Disability services for review, put him on benefits, andn look at options of sheltered work, training, group home (way down the track) and sorry, but you're going to be stuck with him a while yet. </p><p> </p><p>She has some suggestions, that I am to have control of his money, save for a little pocket money. he could still work some hours per fortnight, but the stress would be off for searaching for work. I protested, if he has this big allowance, he's going to blow it all on D & A. that's why she wants me to have control of the money.... </p><p> </p><p>Assessing him at about age 14. She termed him a Peter Pan.</p><p> </p><p>So, I have been thinking and praying about it. </p><p> </p><p>I have come up with this:</p><p> </p><p>He pays $280 in rent a week which includes food $80; Elec $30; Rent $140; Washing/ironing $40; Petrol $40</p><p> </p><p>Special trips he wants to go on are extra petrol money.</p><p> </p><p>the balance (I don't know how much it is yet) has to be $SAVINGS into a fund that has our joint signatures in a separate bank account</p><p> </p><p>And $spending</p><p> </p><p>then what ever he earns separately he can have for his own use. He is currently earning around $100 a week at his paid job.</p><p> </p><p>He should do 2-3 hours daily chores for me;</p><p>Electricity to van after 5pm only except for sundays</p><p> </p><p>He should work at least 20 hours week a combination of paid and (voluntary) training work</p><p> </p><p>As is currently the rule, unless otherwise negotiated, he should not go out in the evenings on a work week. Friday/Saturday/Sunday only.</p><p> </p><p>He should continue with his driving lessons, and pay for one a fortnight from his own money.(we only have 100 hours in Queensland but same P rules, zero alcohol which I think is great!)</p><p> </p><p>I am going to find out about whether I could get respite for him to go to a group home once a month, with a view to relocating him to one in the next 6-8 months.</p><p> </p><p>The counsellor said she might be able to get him work in somewhere like Hungry Jacks, Subway or MacDonalds as a table cleaner or something. She doesn't think he would be suited to counter work.</p><p> </p><p>It's all confronting, because I guess all these years I thought I was doing the right thing treating him like a 'normal' kid. did I do wrong? If I had treated him differently, perhaps he would be more amenable to the fact that he does have a disability. I tried to explain to him when he was around 14, that he was different, he did have disabilities, but he could still be a useful member of society. It backfired, when he was fifteen he told the department I told him he was spastic, and disabled (never have said that to him, of course) and that he wanted a second opinion on his medical problems. Short version - they took him away for 'respite' refused to let him come home and had him tested 'normal' took him off his medications. He was placed in a boys home. Educated on how to have safe sex, and 'cared' for by shiftworker carers. He ran away from the boys' home and ended up on the streets in 18 months. he was allowed to go out late to parties, drink alcohol, smoke etc in the boys' home (or at least not monitored) ended up in psychiatric Ward in Tasmania with psychosis. they phoned me, wondering why he wasn't on his medications...... said he could only be discharged if I agreed to take him (he had asked them to ring). He's on an Order for his medication to be administered every fortnight. I'm his official carer. I have no legal obligation, but feel a great moral one. I've been his 'mum' for 12 years. One year later, here I am.</p><p> </p><p>Feel free to comment on my first draft notes that I want to take to the Counsellor.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="therese005us, post: 305056, member: 7416"] Thanks Marg for that thorough response. I'm absolutely in no fit state to respond at the moment.... too emotional. Some of the responses I am finding very helpful, some are confronting and very close to the truth - some are a little far from the mark too; I know you are all meaning well. Our cultural differences are that, very different, and you do seem to have more resourcees available than we do here in OZ, or perhaps I don't know yet how to access some of mine, especially being in a remote place. Today the Job Services Counsellor called me. She's been trying for several days. It was urgent. And sad. She has come to the conclusion, from reviewing her file, talking to DS19, and also to me on Friday with him, that he is not going to be suited to the apprenticeship; and in fact, probably unsuited to most workplaces due to his disability. She has spoken to the employer where he is currently doing work experience, and without even having anything disclosed, he had questions, 'is he mentally disabled?' Of course, she was not at liberty to disclose, and simply said, 'he has issues'. It followe dthat the boss told her that he was too slow, had no initiative, couldn't follow through on a simple task etc. etc. The list was long. He wouldn't be offering him any employment, least of all an apprenticeship. So, she wants me to come in as soon as possible and have DS transferred to Disability services for review, put him on benefits, andn look at options of sheltered work, training, group home (way down the track) and sorry, but you're going to be stuck with him a while yet. She has some suggestions, that I am to have control of his money, save for a little pocket money. he could still work some hours per fortnight, but the stress would be off for searaching for work. I protested, if he has this big allowance, he's going to blow it all on D & A. that's why she wants me to have control of the money.... Assessing him at about age 14. She termed him a Peter Pan. So, I have been thinking and praying about it. I have come up with this: He pays $280 in rent a week which includes food $80; Elec $30; Rent $140; Washing/ironing $40; Petrol $40 Special trips he wants to go on are extra petrol money. the balance (I don't know how much it is yet) has to be $SAVINGS into a fund that has our joint signatures in a separate bank account And $spending then what ever he earns separately he can have for his own use. He is currently earning around $100 a week at his paid job. He should do 2-3 hours daily chores for me; Electricity to van after 5pm only except for sundays He should work at least 20 hours week a combination of paid and (voluntary) training work As is currently the rule, unless otherwise negotiated, he should not go out in the evenings on a work week. Friday/Saturday/Sunday only. He should continue with his driving lessons, and pay for one a fortnight from his own money.(we only have 100 hours in Queensland but same P rules, zero alcohol which I think is great!) I am going to find out about whether I could get respite for him to go to a group home once a month, with a view to relocating him to one in the next 6-8 months. The counsellor said she might be able to get him work in somewhere like Hungry Jacks, Subway or MacDonalds as a table cleaner or something. She doesn't think he would be suited to counter work. It's all confronting, because I guess all these years I thought I was doing the right thing treating him like a 'normal' kid. did I do wrong? If I had treated him differently, perhaps he would be more amenable to the fact that he does have a disability. I tried to explain to him when he was around 14, that he was different, he did have disabilities, but he could still be a useful member of society. It backfired, when he was fifteen he told the department I told him he was spastic, and disabled (never have said that to him, of course) and that he wanted a second opinion on his medical problems. Short version - they took him away for 'respite' refused to let him come home and had him tested 'normal' took him off his medications. He was placed in a boys home. Educated on how to have safe sex, and 'cared' for by shiftworker carers. He ran away from the boys' home and ended up on the streets in 18 months. he was allowed to go out late to parties, drink alcohol, smoke etc in the boys' home (or at least not monitored) ended up in psychiatric Ward in Tasmania with psychosis. they phoned me, wondering why he wasn't on his medications...... said he could only be discharged if I agreed to take him (he had asked them to ring). He's on an Order for his medication to be administered every fortnight. I'm his official carer. I have no legal obligation, but feel a great moral one. I've been his 'mum' for 12 years. One year later, here I am. Feel free to comment on my first draft notes that I want to take to the Counsellor. [/QUOTE]
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