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I'm so stressed I feel sick.
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<blockquote data-quote="Tiredof33" data-source="post: 549464" data-attributes="member: 13558"><p>StephAnn,</p><p>Stop adding to your stress by beating yourself up about enabling! I was conned out of money just last Oct, Nov, and Dec and I am a veteran lol. Read the posts and the many books on the subject of detaching and helping YOU. Therapy is great if you can afford it.</p><p></p><p>A major biggie is YOU HAVE HIM OUT OF YOUR HOUSE - stay strong and keep him out. There are many posts on the forum about that issue too - the book below also addresses it.</p><p></p><p>I feel it is much harder on the mother than anyone else, mainly because society makes you feel like a failure. Regardless of the past he is an adult and is now responsible for himself. I blamed myself far too many years and it did not solve the problem at all, it only adds to it.</p><p></p><p>There are so many great places to get help (like this forum) that I did not have access to when my difficult child started raising h***. I was in therapy with him for years and he refused to participate. He was on court ordered rehab 3 times and almost went to prison. My gifted son (math and science) dropped out of school. I drove him to take the GED and sat in the car the entire time to make sure he stayed and took the test. After that I felt I had done the best I could and the rest is up to him.</p><p></p><p>You can not change him and he makes his own choices. I can tell you from experience that he will not change until he has too. Many here have let theirs live on the streets. Tough love is extremely hard, but it may be the only thing that will work. </p><p></p><p>My difficult child just turned 34 and I still shake my head some days and last week was stressful for me too. I exercise, and have hobbies, luckily hubby (13 years) is not emotionally attached to difficult child so he helps me detach.</p><p></p><p>It is still hard, we are their mothers, but they are not children, they just refuse to grow up and be responsible.</p><p></p><p>I love this book, mainly because it was written by a therapist, and she couldn't change her son.</p><p><a href="http://www.support4change.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=131&Itemid=177/7/23.html" target="_blank">http://www.support4change.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=131&Itemid=177/7/23.html</a></p><p></p><p>(((huggs for us all)))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tiredof33, post: 549464, member: 13558"] StephAnn, Stop adding to your stress by beating yourself up about enabling! I was conned out of money just last Oct, Nov, and Dec and I am a veteran lol. Read the posts and the many books on the subject of detaching and helping YOU. Therapy is great if you can afford it. A major biggie is YOU HAVE HIM OUT OF YOUR HOUSE - stay strong and keep him out. There are many posts on the forum about that issue too - the book below also addresses it. I feel it is much harder on the mother than anyone else, mainly because society makes you feel like a failure. Regardless of the past he is an adult and is now responsible for himself. I blamed myself far too many years and it did not solve the problem at all, it only adds to it. There are so many great places to get help (like this forum) that I did not have access to when my difficult child started raising h***. I was in therapy with him for years and he refused to participate. He was on court ordered rehab 3 times and almost went to prison. My gifted son (math and science) dropped out of school. I drove him to take the GED and sat in the car the entire time to make sure he stayed and took the test. After that I felt I had done the best I could and the rest is up to him. You can not change him and he makes his own choices. I can tell you from experience that he will not change until he has too. Many here have let theirs live on the streets. Tough love is extremely hard, but it may be the only thing that will work. My difficult child just turned 34 and I still shake my head some days and last week was stressful for me too. I exercise, and have hobbies, luckily hubby (13 years) is not emotionally attached to difficult child so he helps me detach. It is still hard, we are their mothers, but they are not children, they just refuse to grow up and be responsible. I love this book, mainly because it was written by a therapist, and she couldn't change her son. [URL]http://www.support4change.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=131&Itemid=177/7/23.html[/URL] (((huggs for us all))) [/QUOTE]
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