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I'm so tired of being lonely...feel like running away
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 478410" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hi again. </p><p>Thanks you all.</p><p>I am really sorry, but I think my rambling did not make myself clear. </p><p>What I miss is a family that I can spend holidays with. Since the few people in my family are scattered, I usually have very quiet holidays, although I do go in early to see my daughter and sister (with Jumper and Sonic). But then we go back home to share Thanksgiving/Christmas with husband and, if Jumper decides to have Thanksgiving somewhere else, how sad is it to only have a holiday with your husband and one autistic son who will be upstairs most of the time? Oh, I know some people have nobody, and that REALLY makes me feel sad, but right now I'm feeling sorry for MYSELF, and I can't help it. I wish we could volunteer at a homeless shelter on Thanksgiving, but we can't because around here there isn't one...lol. Can you believe that? It's true.</p><p></p><p>This makes me feel cold inside...and empty. I'd rather we all live closer and spend time together...the few of us. And it's not just on the holidays. I'd love to be able to see my grandson or run to my daughter's house, but I can't. We are separated by distance and my husband doesn't think we an afford to leave where we do now and move back to Illinois (plus he's not sure that at his age (55) he can easily get another job. And Jumper just loooooooooooooooves it here and Sonic is used to it, although he could probably get services anywhere. I did once have a few family-like close friends and THAT is just as good as family. Taking classes, socializing casually, going to the gym...that is not t he same as feeling and being connected. I am just on a big pity trip and dang it: I WANT TO GO HOME! I WANT TO GO HOME TO ILLINOIS! I don't care if it's a two-horse town, I live in one now. I want to be with the few people who really matter...and a lot closer to my son and grandson too. Yes, I want to go home...and bring everyone with me.</p><p></p><p>by the way, Fran, I am the same now as I was when I first joined. I am always very uncomfortable at first then I loosen up and can be me. But it takes a LONG time.</p><p></p><p>Anyhow, there is no solution for my wanting desperately to go home; to being homesick. I do take short visits, but can only afford two times a year for maybe two days each. And right now it is killing me, emotionally and physically. I am so sad I can barely write this post. The holidays are the worst times...it's not the darker weather or anything and this isn't one of my clinical depressions. This is a real sadness that I feel there is nothing I can do anything about.</p><p></p><p>Thank you for letting me vent though.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 478410, member: 1550"] Hi again. Thanks you all. I am really sorry, but I think my rambling did not make myself clear. What I miss is a family that I can spend holidays with. Since the few people in my family are scattered, I usually have very quiet holidays, although I do go in early to see my daughter and sister (with Jumper and Sonic). But then we go back home to share Thanksgiving/Christmas with husband and, if Jumper decides to have Thanksgiving somewhere else, how sad is it to only have a holiday with your husband and one autistic son who will be upstairs most of the time? Oh, I know some people have nobody, and that REALLY makes me feel sad, but right now I'm feeling sorry for MYSELF, and I can't help it. I wish we could volunteer at a homeless shelter on Thanksgiving, but we can't because around here there isn't one...lol. Can you believe that? It's true. This makes me feel cold inside...and empty. I'd rather we all live closer and spend time together...the few of us. And it's not just on the holidays. I'd love to be able to see my grandson or run to my daughter's house, but I can't. We are separated by distance and my husband doesn't think we an afford to leave where we do now and move back to Illinois (plus he's not sure that at his age (55) he can easily get another job. And Jumper just loooooooooooooooves it here and Sonic is used to it, although he could probably get services anywhere. I did once have a few family-like close friends and THAT is just as good as family. Taking classes, socializing casually, going to the gym...that is not t he same as feeling and being connected. I am just on a big pity trip and dang it: I WANT TO GO HOME! I WANT TO GO HOME TO ILLINOIS! I don't care if it's a two-horse town, I live in one now. I want to be with the few people who really matter...and a lot closer to my son and grandson too. Yes, I want to go home...and bring everyone with me. by the way, Fran, I am the same now as I was when I first joined. I am always very uncomfortable at first then I loosen up and can be me. But it takes a LONG time. Anyhow, there is no solution for my wanting desperately to go home; to being homesick. I do take short visits, but can only afford two times a year for maybe two days each. And right now it is killing me, emotionally and physically. I am so sad I can barely write this post. The holidays are the worst times...it's not the darker weather or anything and this isn't one of my clinical depressions. This is a real sadness that I feel there is nothing I can do anything about. Thank you for letting me vent though. [/QUOTE]
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I'm so tired of being lonely...feel like running away
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