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I'm so very tired....
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<blockquote data-quote="strugglingdad" data-source="post: 647026" data-attributes="member: 18750"><p>Hello all,</p><p> This is my first post here. I feel like I have to just say some things to somebody, to anybody, before I pop. I am a 42 year old dad with a 15 year old son. My wife and I (his mom) have been happily married for 17 years. We're a typical one-child, one-marriage household.</p><p></p><p>We caught my son smoking pot the first time when he was 14-1/2. That was a serious blow for me. I've never done pot or any other drug and up to that point I didn't want to believe that my kid was the type to do drugs either. I'm one of those people that if I ding someone's car door, I'll leave a note. I have a strong moral compass and I believe in doing the right thing and avoiding doing the wrong things. Apparently, the moral compass is not genetic.</p><p></p><p>The year that's passed since then has seen lots of confrontation about his continued pot use. He's had a few fits of rage and punched some holes in the walls, his grades have gone to hell. If his lips are moving, he's probably lying. He has no passion for anything (except pot) and I'm pretty convinced that he's either stolen from us or drug friends that he's brought over to our house have. He's come to the edge of violence with us once or twice, and at 6'1" and 280 lbs, that's a real concern. I could handle him, but my wife absolutely couldn't even though she won't admit it. I've made it very clear that there will be no violence in our home, and any violation of that will result in the police being called to deal with him. </p><p></p><p>A week or two ago he was in the woods behind our house with a friend getting high and someone in a neighboring house called the cops on them. As a minor, the cops brought him home and told us that the courts will be contacting us. We're still waiting for that. We hoped that brush with the law would be the scare that would change his mind about drugs, but he's continuing to smoke. Where he gets the funds to pay for it I have no idea. We went from trying to teach our kid financial responsibility (putting his allowance into a teen account with a debit card and showing him how to manage that account) to emptying the account because we can't trust him to have money. Not that not having money is stopping him from getting pot.</p><p></p><p>But he won't give it up, he won't do his school work, and he has no real interest in doing anything else. In an effort to try and maintain a bearable home life for all of us, I told him at one point that if he was going to do drugs regardless of our wishes, I'd make him the teenager deal of the century...I would look the other way if a) he brought his grades up and b) he didn't bring pot or any of the stuff associated with it into my house. I hate drugs with a passion and I don't want it here.</p><p></p><p>But apparently, that's still too much to ask. I came home the last two days and I could smell it in the house, and I've found the toilet paper tubes stuffed with paper towels and dryer sheets. He's not fooling anybody, he just thinks I'm stupid. My wife knows what he's doing clear as day, but she's still in denial.</p><p></p><p>I went to bed last night and the last two things I said to my wife were that I can't wait until he turns 18 so I can kick him out, and I wish he'd just get arrested. As I found consciousness this morning, the gravity of those thoughts hit me like a ton of bricks and I don't know what to do. I love my kid more than anything on this planet. At the same time, I hate him for what he's become. If he weren't my kid and just some person I met, I'd want nothing to do with him.</p><p></p><p>That hurts...bad. He and I used to do everything together, now all I can do is wonder how bad it's going to be tomorrow.</p><p></p><p>We took him to see a therapist a few months ago, not about pot specifically, just to have someone to talk about things he's upset about, etc. He turns on the charm and in a few sessions the therapist says we can just call him if we need to, but it's up to us.</p><p></p><p>We're taking him in for ADD evaluation next week. It seems like he can't sit down and focus on school work and he just kind of zones out in class. Not sure what will come of that, but if medication can help calm his mind down so he can focus and work, and he can develop some pride in his grades, I think that would help. I guess we'll see.</p><p></p><p>Anyhow, thanks for letting me vent. If you have any words of wisdom or whatever I'd love to hear 'em. I'm youngest of 5 kids and all of us are successful and happy and our growing up was uneventful. My parents never had to deal with this stuff and we didn't really know anybody who did, so it's really foreign to me and it's taking a toll on my ability to perform at work, etc.</p><p></p><p>Thanks.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="strugglingdad, post: 647026, member: 18750"] Hello all, This is my first post here. I feel like I have to just say some things to somebody, to anybody, before I pop. I am a 42 year old dad with a 15 year old son. My wife and I (his mom) have been happily married for 17 years. We're a typical one-child, one-marriage household. We caught my son smoking pot the first time when he was 14-1/2. That was a serious blow for me. I've never done pot or any other drug and up to that point I didn't want to believe that my kid was the type to do drugs either. I'm one of those people that if I ding someone's car door, I'll leave a note. I have a strong moral compass and I believe in doing the right thing and avoiding doing the wrong things. Apparently, the moral compass is not genetic. The year that's passed since then has seen lots of confrontation about his continued pot use. He's had a few fits of rage and punched some holes in the walls, his grades have gone to hell. If his lips are moving, he's probably lying. He has no passion for anything (except pot) and I'm pretty convinced that he's either stolen from us or drug friends that he's brought over to our house have. He's come to the edge of violence with us once or twice, and at 6'1" and 280 lbs, that's a real concern. I could handle him, but my wife absolutely couldn't even though she won't admit it. I've made it very clear that there will be no violence in our home, and any violation of that will result in the police being called to deal with him. A week or two ago he was in the woods behind our house with a friend getting high and someone in a neighboring house called the cops on them. As a minor, the cops brought him home and told us that the courts will be contacting us. We're still waiting for that. We hoped that brush with the law would be the scare that would change his mind about drugs, but he's continuing to smoke. Where he gets the funds to pay for it I have no idea. We went from trying to teach our kid financial responsibility (putting his allowance into a teen account with a debit card and showing him how to manage that account) to emptying the account because we can't trust him to have money. Not that not having money is stopping him from getting pot. But he won't give it up, he won't do his school work, and he has no real interest in doing anything else. In an effort to try and maintain a bearable home life for all of us, I told him at one point that if he was going to do drugs regardless of our wishes, I'd make him the teenager deal of the century...I would look the other way if a) he brought his grades up and b) he didn't bring pot or any of the stuff associated with it into my house. I hate drugs with a passion and I don't want it here. But apparently, that's still too much to ask. I came home the last two days and I could smell it in the house, and I've found the toilet paper tubes stuffed with paper towels and dryer sheets. He's not fooling anybody, he just thinks I'm stupid. My wife knows what he's doing clear as day, but she's still in denial. I went to bed last night and the last two things I said to my wife were that I can't wait until he turns 18 so I can kick him out, and I wish he'd just get arrested. As I found consciousness this morning, the gravity of those thoughts hit me like a ton of bricks and I don't know what to do. I love my kid more than anything on this planet. At the same time, I hate him for what he's become. If he weren't my kid and just some person I met, I'd want nothing to do with him. That hurts...bad. He and I used to do everything together, now all I can do is wonder how bad it's going to be tomorrow. We took him to see a therapist a few months ago, not about pot specifically, just to have someone to talk about things he's upset about, etc. He turns on the charm and in a few sessions the therapist says we can just call him if we need to, but it's up to us. We're taking him in for ADD evaluation next week. It seems like he can't sit down and focus on school work and he just kind of zones out in class. Not sure what will come of that, but if medication can help calm his mind down so he can focus and work, and he can develop some pride in his grades, I think that would help. I guess we'll see. Anyhow, thanks for letting me vent. If you have any words of wisdom or whatever I'd love to hear 'em. I'm youngest of 5 kids and all of us are successful and happy and our growing up was uneventful. My parents never had to deal with this stuff and we didn't really know anybody who did, so it's really foreign to me and it's taking a toll on my ability to perform at work, etc. Thanks. [/QUOTE]
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