I'm sorry, I'm trying.

[Shari]

I have stopped doing. For well over a month around Christmas. This place SMELLED. He'd do enough to get himself by, but that was it. If CPS would have come during that time, we'd have a caseworker. And that part he doesn't seem to care about...My house is ancient. Fine. But that doesn't mean we have to keep it like a stye.

And things were better when the tv was broke. Ths kids watch some tv, but husband, by far, watches more than anyone.

You're probably right, Witz. I'll just have to make a list on the fridge of every plan I have and he can adjust accordingly if this is the way he's going to communicate.

He got up about 7 this morning and got on the computer. He knows I'm ticked cause as soon as I got up cause he did the dishes.

 

[witzend]

Why can't they figure out that if they did the dishes before you got up they'd be home free for the day?

 

[Shari]

And so far that's all he's done.

And I'm not going to see the new neice cause there is a mountain of laundry to do, and I'm going to be gone most of next weekend...God forbid he do some laundry while he was home by himself all day yesterday.

Or the dishes.

Or at least thaw some hamburger so the kids would have something to eat when we got home at 8pm besides pancakes.

Or get the breakfast mess off the stove so someone could cook it.

Or pick up the plate off the floor so I could walk thru while unloading my stuff.

Or make a space on the counter so I could put some of it down while trying to unload.

Seriously...any one of those things. Would have been awesome.

 

[DammitJanet]

Im sorry Shari.

It does seem like there is a major disconnect going on.

I recently got a new external hard drive for my computer and transferred a ton of stuff from my computer over to that hard drive. One of the things I transferred was a bunch of documents. What amazed me was the number of letters I had written to Tony over the years about similar things. All these letters stating how harried and upset and overworked and just plain fed up with how things were going on in our lives. The one that stood out the most to me was the one I wrote in August of 08 in which I told him that I had had it and that I was falling apart physically and emotionally and if I didnt get some help from someone fast, that I didnt know how much longer I was going to be able to go on. I felt like my body was going to just collapse soon from the sheer stress I was under.

That letter was written on August 28th. I was hospitalized on October 25th. I almost died. How prophetic.

 

[Shari]

Maybe your tony and your letter should have a chat with my husband...

 

[susiestar]

Shari, while he is sleeping take the truck keys. Take any spares laying around. keep the truck locked. he takes it whenever, regardless of your plans/work. YOU maintain it and pay for it and need it. The kids need you to have it. His car is unreliable because he does not maintain it.

There is no need for him to have access to your truck. don't bother talking to him about it. Just lock it and keep the keys on your person or destroy them. Don't leave them out for him to find them while you are asleep.

It is NOT selfish. It is making sure you and the kids have what you NEED. Leaving you at the shooting thing because he didn't want to drive his car is selfish. It is time to protect yourself and your kids in this way.

Has his testosterone level ever been checked? My husband got like this when his was very low. The replacement comes in a gel and is amazing.

Otherwise, if you don't want to live with this you can make an ultimatum about the doctor because he IS depressed. his behavior is clear, in my opinion.

Also, do you pay for cable or satellite? Stop paying for it. Call them and cancel it and send the equipment back. If husband wants it he will have to use his money and his credit to get it. Make sure he cannot use your name/credit/money. Just stop the insanity of the tv.

Otherwise you have to decide if you want to live this way. Cause with-o medication and no tv, he is going to be this way. If you don't want this to be your life, then you will have to take steps to change it. If you cannot take those steps, think of him as a toddler and try to go on.

I am sorry.