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Im ticked, tired and feel ..argh.
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 488639" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Janet, I am going to be really blunt.</p><p></p><p>It is past time to make Billy's life VERY uncomfortable. WAY past time. </p><p></p><p>Why would he clean it up? What are the consequences for NOT cleaning it up? Mom will yell? So. Friggin'. What. </p><p></p><p>Mom needs to go and confiscate his computer stuff. Or dump the trash ON his computer. Not his bed - he will just sleep on your couch or the floor. ON. HIS. COMPUTER.</p><p></p><p>Unless you are willing to make some REAL consequences, you may as well get over being the only one who cleans because it won't change. EVER.</p><p></p><p></p><p>As for the job, WHY ONE EARTH WOULD HE APPLY?????????</p><p></p><p>WHAT does he need the job for? If he has $$ he might have to move out. If he has $$ he might have to pay rent. If he has $$ you might want him to buy his food or pay for a cleaning person.</p><p></p><p>in my opinion that is what needs to happen. Write up a list of chores for him. Tell him that he MUST do these every X often with NO reminders or you will have a cleaning person come to do them and that person will expect to be paid (it is about $60 for 4 - 6 hrs here) and HE had best have the $$ here or you will call him from wherever he is to come pay her. If he doesn't pay her, then he cannot come into the home until he does. NO sleeping, eating, getting his stuff - not clothes, computer, food, cash, NOTHING - until he forks over that $$.</p><p></p><p>Don't argue. Don't remind. Just let him know that he is an adult and if he doesn't do this then he doesn't lvie there and you are not playing or begging.</p><p></p><p>He probably could go walk into that job you found for him - they sound desperate. But WHY would he? That would take up some of his time to play on the computer. It owuld mean that you might expect things from him, that his cushy life of no bills, no chores, no adult problems/hardships would be O.V.E.R. If he doesn't have this job then you and Tony won't make him leave, won't make him pay rent, won't make him do any chores.</p><p></p><p>You are not PHYSICALLY ABLE to keep making his life so easy. It is taking a HUGE toll on you and on your body. Time to be a Warrior Mom with regard to this problem. Go deaf when Tony tells you that you are too hard. Just reach up and scratch your ear and imagine that you hae turned your hearing aids OFF and now you cannot hear what Tony is saying. Or turn up the volume on the tv and tell him to talk to your hand. whatever works. You KNOW this isn't healthy for Billy, for Tony or for you. Tony's body won't do what it used to, and right now he is not seeing it but he IS supporting Billy with his hard, physical labor. That isn't fair to Tony or you. It also isn't fair to BILLY. </p><p></p><p>I know it may be hard. But not as hard as dealing with the toll it takes on you and on Tony and on your marriage and life and even on your sons. Cause what does it tell Cory and Jamie that Billy lives at home with no bills, no chores, no responsiblities except his car? </p><p></p><p>I am sorry that Billy is so blind to the housework. My kids and husband are too. Which hoovers because I CANNOT do the housework. PLEASE think about my suggestions - even if Tony disagrees, he isn't home with Billy during the day. Making excuses for Billy means that Billy isn't CAPABLE, and I just don't think it is true. None of you has a clue if Billy is capable or not - until he MUST do these things you will never know. Being blind to housework doesn't mean that he cannot learn to see it. It means he has to be taught to see it. the ONLY way you will get him to see the mess is to make him deal with the mess. Think about it. If you and/or Tony continues to clean the mess, how will Billy EVER learn to see it? WHY would he learn to see it?</p><p></p><p>Think about what drives Billy crazy that doesn't really bug you or that you can tolerate. Then DO those things, cook those foods that make odors he hates, sing if it bothers him, whatever. I truly do NOT suggest this to be "mean". It is to make him uncomfortable enough that he grows up and becomes the man he can be. Find a way to deprive him of his computer unless/until he does what you want. You are a SMART, CREATIVE, DEVIOUS woman. I have faith that you can figure out how to do this. Heck, tell Billy if he doesn't clean or pay the cleaning lady then you will hide his computers or pawn them to pay the bill. Isn't that fair?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 488639, member: 1233"] Janet, I am going to be really blunt. It is past time to make Billy's life VERY uncomfortable. WAY past time. Why would he clean it up? What are the consequences for NOT cleaning it up? Mom will yell? So. Friggin'. What. Mom needs to go and confiscate his computer stuff. Or dump the trash ON his computer. Not his bed - he will just sleep on your couch or the floor. ON. HIS. COMPUTER. Unless you are willing to make some REAL consequences, you may as well get over being the only one who cleans because it won't change. EVER. As for the job, WHY ONE EARTH WOULD HE APPLY????????? WHAT does he need the job for? If he has $$ he might have to move out. If he has $$ he might have to pay rent. If he has $$ you might want him to buy his food or pay for a cleaning person. in my opinion that is what needs to happen. Write up a list of chores for him. Tell him that he MUST do these every X often with NO reminders or you will have a cleaning person come to do them and that person will expect to be paid (it is about $60 for 4 - 6 hrs here) and HE had best have the $$ here or you will call him from wherever he is to come pay her. If he doesn't pay her, then he cannot come into the home until he does. NO sleeping, eating, getting his stuff - not clothes, computer, food, cash, NOTHING - until he forks over that $$. Don't argue. Don't remind. Just let him know that he is an adult and if he doesn't do this then he doesn't lvie there and you are not playing or begging. He probably could go walk into that job you found for him - they sound desperate. But WHY would he? That would take up some of his time to play on the computer. It owuld mean that you might expect things from him, that his cushy life of no bills, no chores, no adult problems/hardships would be O.V.E.R. If he doesn't have this job then you and Tony won't make him leave, won't make him pay rent, won't make him do any chores. You are not PHYSICALLY ABLE to keep making his life so easy. It is taking a HUGE toll on you and on your body. Time to be a Warrior Mom with regard to this problem. Go deaf when Tony tells you that you are too hard. Just reach up and scratch your ear and imagine that you hae turned your hearing aids OFF and now you cannot hear what Tony is saying. Or turn up the volume on the tv and tell him to talk to your hand. whatever works. You KNOW this isn't healthy for Billy, for Tony or for you. Tony's body won't do what it used to, and right now he is not seeing it but he IS supporting Billy with his hard, physical labor. That isn't fair to Tony or you. It also isn't fair to BILLY. I know it may be hard. But not as hard as dealing with the toll it takes on you and on Tony and on your marriage and life and even on your sons. Cause what does it tell Cory and Jamie that Billy lives at home with no bills, no chores, no responsiblities except his car? I am sorry that Billy is so blind to the housework. My kids and husband are too. Which hoovers because I CANNOT do the housework. PLEASE think about my suggestions - even if Tony disagrees, he isn't home with Billy during the day. Making excuses for Billy means that Billy isn't CAPABLE, and I just don't think it is true. None of you has a clue if Billy is capable or not - until he MUST do these things you will never know. Being blind to housework doesn't mean that he cannot learn to see it. It means he has to be taught to see it. the ONLY way you will get him to see the mess is to make him deal with the mess. Think about it. If you and/or Tony continues to clean the mess, how will Billy EVER learn to see it? WHY would he learn to see it? Think about what drives Billy crazy that doesn't really bug you or that you can tolerate. Then DO those things, cook those foods that make odors he hates, sing if it bothers him, whatever. I truly do NOT suggest this to be "mean". It is to make him uncomfortable enough that he grows up and becomes the man he can be. Find a way to deprive him of his computer unless/until he does what you want. You are a SMART, CREATIVE, DEVIOUS woman. I have faith that you can figure out how to do this. Heck, tell Billy if he doesn't clean or pay the cleaning lady then you will hide his computers or pawn them to pay the bill. Isn't that fair? [/QUOTE]
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