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Family of Origin
In a totally new place and need perspective? Cedar? Anyone?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 665285" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>You're both doing great. I had a huge head start and my FOO was far more blatant in it's dysfunction. Remember, my mother never tried to look normal or "good" for others. She barely left the house. I never saw this other mother who had friends and charmed people and had a good job. I saw a woman who never combed her hair and couldn't drive and seemed to obsess over my badness and try to save my physically ill brother. She didn't try to be anything more than she was and to me it was pretty darn awful. Since my sister can look and act normal in public she fooled me longer, so I know why you two had trouble "seeing."</p><p></p><p>I saw who my mother was, but I still tried. Interestingly, I read an article today on borderline mothers, which I came across on t he internet. It said that borderline mothers often perceive insidious intent where there is none.As always, I think borderline is overused and I'm not sure she had it...but she acted a lot like the mother described in the article I read.</p><p></p><p>When I would call my mother, after the $5000 mess, I was honestly trying to make it right while we both alive on earth this time around. My sister brought my mother's interesting perspective to me once. She didn't want to talk about it but said, "I don't know, Mother thought you were just calling to bait her...."</p><p></p><p>I was truly stunned, although I shouldn't have been. But I was so careful to be nice to her during those calls. How she came up with that, is in her false perception of me, just as the article said. She saw something that wasn't there. But she always did.</p><p></p><p>"You only adopted t hose kids for the money." (Crazy).</p><p></p><p>"SWOT told me all about what you've done so I would think you were horrible." (Wrong. So you'd do something or try to be a mother to a college age kid you ignored).</p><p></p><p>"You stiffened in my arms so I didn't hold you." (No. You didn't hold me because you didn't love me).</p><p></p><p>Anyhow, I think both of you are coming along and I do t hink that Operation Oblivion is helping me tons. I think of them with less malice now and with clearer memories, but they can't hurt me anymore. Not even my mother's last stand hurts anymore. It is all just part of my path I walked and survived. You'll get there too.</p><p></p><p>The FOO Chronicles have really helped me. I swear, it's been more effective at times than therapy and group put together. You two have been so validating.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 665285, member: 1550"] You're both doing great. I had a huge head start and my FOO was far more blatant in it's dysfunction. Remember, my mother never tried to look normal or "good" for others. She barely left the house. I never saw this other mother who had friends and charmed people and had a good job. I saw a woman who never combed her hair and couldn't drive and seemed to obsess over my badness and try to save my physically ill brother. She didn't try to be anything more than she was and to me it was pretty darn awful. Since my sister can look and act normal in public she fooled me longer, so I know why you two had trouble "seeing." I saw who my mother was, but I still tried. Interestingly, I read an article today on borderline mothers, which I came across on t he internet. It said that borderline mothers often perceive insidious intent where there is none.As always, I think borderline is overused and I'm not sure she had it...but she acted a lot like the mother described in the article I read. When I would call my mother, after the $5000 mess, I was honestly trying to make it right while we both alive on earth this time around. My sister brought my mother's interesting perspective to me once. She didn't want to talk about it but said, "I don't know, Mother thought you were just calling to bait her...." I was truly stunned, although I shouldn't have been. But I was so careful to be nice to her during those calls. How she came up with that, is in her false perception of me, just as the article said. She saw something that wasn't there. But she always did. "You only adopted t hose kids for the money." (Crazy). "SWOT told me all about what you've done so I would think you were horrible." (Wrong. So you'd do something or try to be a mother to a college age kid you ignored). "You stiffened in my arms so I didn't hold you." (No. You didn't hold me because you didn't love me). Anyhow, I think both of you are coming along and I do t hink that Operation Oblivion is helping me tons. I think of them with less malice now and with clearer memories, but they can't hurt me anymore. Not even my mother's last stand hurts anymore. It is all just part of my path I walked and survived. You'll get there too. The FOO Chronicles have really helped me. I swear, it's been more effective at times than therapy and group put together. You two have been so validating. [/QUOTE]
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