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Family of Origin
In a totally new place and need perspective? Cedar? Anyone?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 665289" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Absolutely.</p><p></p><p>I remember the weirdest death story in my family. I mean WEIRD. To this day, I don't get it. I was in my younger 20's and went along with it. I have no idea why. I guess I didn't know any better because why else would I have listened to this? I had nothing against my FOO at that time...I still thought it was all my fault, everything. So I would have gone if told it was the right thing to do. How could I have not known? Well, here's the honest truth.</p><p></p><p>My grandfather passed away. Granted, nobody was close to him. He was a nice, harmless man who was henpecked to pieces by my grandmother, but he didn't say much and we didn't know anything about him. But he was our grandfather anyway and he died.</p><p></p><p>But I didn't go to the funeral. I do not think any of us did, except my mother. Why? My gradnmother didn't feel we should have to go through it.</p><p></p><p>Were we little kids?</p><p></p><p>No.</p><p></p><p>What was she thinking?</p><p></p><p>Why did our mother think this was ok? Because she was a slave to herh mother (my grandmother) and honored her request that we not be subjected to the horrors of a funeral, even though we were grown up and almost grown up.</p><p></p><p>Boggles my mind.</p><p></p><p>In the same spirit, my aunt died. We were not close either as nobody was close in our FOO. She was my gradnmother's sister and they had an "iffy" realtionship and I liked my cousins, although I barely knew them. When I saw them I liked them. They had similar family dynamics to my familys. There was a GC (golden cousin) and a scapegoat, who I heard horrible things about (both about her a nd her husband-to-be).</p><p></p><p>I should have gone to her funeral, but my grandmother didn't want us to go. Whether anyone did go, I have no idea because I listened and did not go.</p><p></p><p>Scapegoat cousin dumped the family after that and I don't blame her. What has happened since with Scapegoat Cousin I have no idea. Golden Cousin has moved across t he country and is at least in touch with my brother, but they are both so golden, they forgive anything...haha. J/K. I don't know wht happened after I was told that the funeral caused problems, probably between my grandma and her nieces too, but my memory on that is not clear.</p><p></p><p>Isn't that bizarre? I'm ashamed that I didn't go to both. But I clearly remember being told not to do and asking, "Are you sure?" and my grandmother said, "Yes. I don't want to put you through this." Now I could have said, "I'm going. I can deal with it." But I didn't. I didn't think to say it. In truth, I was scared of the idea of funerals back then. I had tons of phobias and fears and if somebody told me not to go to a funeral, maybe I was relieved? I can't remember.</p><p></p><p>At any rate, I am thinking that children in a regular, well loved family would want to say good-bye to those who passed on. I just had no idea of what was normal in a family.</p><p></p><p>This is a different take on dysfunctional deaths.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 665289, member: 1550"] Absolutely. I remember the weirdest death story in my family. I mean WEIRD. To this day, I don't get it. I was in my younger 20's and went along with it. I have no idea why. I guess I didn't know any better because why else would I have listened to this? I had nothing against my FOO at that time...I still thought it was all my fault, everything. So I would have gone if told it was the right thing to do. How could I have not known? Well, here's the honest truth. My grandfather passed away. Granted, nobody was close to him. He was a nice, harmless man who was henpecked to pieces by my grandmother, but he didn't say much and we didn't know anything about him. But he was our grandfather anyway and he died. But I didn't go to the funeral. I do not think any of us did, except my mother. Why? My gradnmother didn't feel we should have to go through it. Were we little kids? No. What was she thinking? Why did our mother think this was ok? Because she was a slave to herh mother (my grandmother) and honored her request that we not be subjected to the horrors of a funeral, even though we were grown up and almost grown up. Boggles my mind. In the same spirit, my aunt died. We were not close either as nobody was close in our FOO. She was my gradnmother's sister and they had an "iffy" realtionship and I liked my cousins, although I barely knew them. When I saw them I liked them. They had similar family dynamics to my familys. There was a GC (golden cousin) and a scapegoat, who I heard horrible things about (both about her a nd her husband-to-be). I should have gone to her funeral, but my grandmother didn't want us to go. Whether anyone did go, I have no idea because I listened and did not go. Scapegoat cousin dumped the family after that and I don't blame her. What has happened since with Scapegoat Cousin I have no idea. Golden Cousin has moved across t he country and is at least in touch with my brother, but they are both so golden, they forgive anything...haha. J/K. I don't know wht happened after I was told that the funeral caused problems, probably between my grandma and her nieces too, but my memory on that is not clear. Isn't that bizarre? I'm ashamed that I didn't go to both. But I clearly remember being told not to do and asking, "Are you sure?" and my grandmother said, "Yes. I don't want to put you through this." Now I could have said, "I'm going. I can deal with it." But I didn't. I didn't think to say it. In truth, I was scared of the idea of funerals back then. I had tons of phobias and fears and if somebody told me not to go to a funeral, maybe I was relieved? I can't remember. At any rate, I am thinking that children in a regular, well loved family would want to say good-bye to those who passed on. I just had no idea of what was normal in a family. This is a different take on dysfunctional deaths. [/QUOTE]
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