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Family of Origin
In a totally new place and need perspective? Cedar? Anyone?
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 665295" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Have you stopped beating your wife, Serenity?</p><p>Yes.</p><p>This is true.</p><p></p><p>I think that is the premise behind don't cheat. The only thing that came from looking at my sister's house was to reenter it and feel bad.</p><p></p><p>The thing D H is not factoring in is something called "working through." This is an emotional process. A process of getting the emotions on board and modifying them. This is not like reading a newspaper article.</p><p>M looks at this kind of thing like D H. Why go there?</p><p></p><p>When his sister took the parents' house he felt very bad and betrayed. I think he feels sad still. But he does not agonize about it. He does not revisit it over and over again, like we do. That is because he was not traumatized.</p><p></p><p>Repetition is a symptom of past trauma. The disbelief. Being stunned. Questioning oneself. Looking at it from every angle.</p><p></p><p>M and D H were not traumatized. Therefore there is no question. No reason to revisit. No analysis and reanalysis necessary. It is cognitive. It is not emotional. They move on.</p><p>True. My Mother, too.</p><p>This is striking given the event involving your mother, brother and you.</p><p>Thank you, Cedar and D H.</p><p>True.</p><p>True. That is why we have to go over and over what happens to heal those places. As many times as it takes. I think D H cannot stand to see you suffer. Maybe you need to not show him until you feel more sure.</p><p>This is true. But I do not think we are trying to make sense of it so much as to integrate it in a way that we master it.</p><p>This is absolutely true.</p><p></p><p>But as a child you took all of the responsibility and fault onto yourself in order to avoid this very conclusion. You or me or SWOT could not bear at that time to understand that our parents at the very least could not have cared less whether we suffered. And made conscious choices to victimize and humiliate us.</p><p>Mine too. This puts the idea of calling her in another light.</p><p>Does D H understand that you built a lifetime around the wish to deny this? And that it takes work to weed it out? Because it is twisted and hidden in everything we are?</p><p>Yes.</p><p>Cedar, I think you are your own man. As for accepting the world as it is, that is the problem. For me too. I do not like the world of betrayal and abuse. Maybe that is why I am so fixated on politics.</p><p>True.</p><p>D H? This is my favorite. For its neutrality. In whatever setting, it fits. Copa doesn't have any boundaries. What do you mean?</p><p>Yes, I think so.</p><p>I am afraid. M says, go ahead and call her. But you need to accept the consequences. You may want to talk to her. She has her own agenda. Whatever that might be.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 665295, member: 18958"] Have you stopped beating your wife, Serenity? Yes. This is true. I think that is the premise behind don't cheat. The only thing that came from looking at my sister's house was to reenter it and feel bad. The thing D H is not factoring in is something called "working through." This is an emotional process. A process of getting the emotions on board and modifying them. This is not like reading a newspaper article. M looks at this kind of thing like D H. Why go there? When his sister took the parents' house he felt very bad and betrayed. I think he feels sad still. But he does not agonize about it. He does not revisit it over and over again, like we do. That is because he was not traumatized. Repetition is a symptom of past trauma. The disbelief. Being stunned. Questioning oneself. Looking at it from every angle. M and D H were not traumatized. Therefore there is no question. No reason to revisit. No analysis and reanalysis necessary. It is cognitive. It is not emotional. They move on. True. My Mother, too. This is striking given the event involving your mother, brother and you. Thank you, Cedar and D H. True. True. That is why we have to go over and over what happens to heal those places. As many times as it takes. I think D H cannot stand to see you suffer. Maybe you need to not show him until you feel more sure. This is true. But I do not think we are trying to make sense of it so much as to integrate it in a way that we master it. This is absolutely true. But as a child you took all of the responsibility and fault onto yourself in order to avoid this very conclusion. You or me or SWOT could not bear at that time to understand that our parents at the very least could not have cared less whether we suffered. And made conscious choices to victimize and humiliate us. Mine too. This puts the idea of calling her in another light. Does D H understand that you built a lifetime around the wish to deny this? And that it takes work to weed it out? Because it is twisted and hidden in everything we are? Yes. Cedar, I think you are your own man. As for accepting the world as it is, that is the problem. For me too. I do not like the world of betrayal and abuse. Maybe that is why I am so fixated on politics. True. D H? This is my favorite. For its neutrality. In whatever setting, it fits. Copa doesn't have any boundaries. What do you mean? Yes, I think so. I am afraid. M says, go ahead and call her. But you need to accept the consequences. You may want to talk to her. She has her own agenda. Whatever that might be. [/QUOTE]
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