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Family of Origin
In a totally new place and need perspective? Cedar? Anyone?
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 665297" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Even as a child, I would not watch cartoons...because I could not stand the meanness.</p><p></p><p>Even now, I stay away from movies and books about corruption...that do not have a hero to resolve it or a happy ending.</p><p></p><p>In my work I am immersed in tragedy and corruption and dirtiness. I think in my mind it is tolerable to me because I must feel I am playing the hero role, and making it right. And I do whatever is in my power to do so. I think you do stand up, Cedar. I do too.</p><p></p><p>If you are trying to stand up as the child you were vis a vis events of long ago where you did not have the power to do so, it will not work. </p><p></p><p>We do not have the power to do that and will never. There is never a better outcome to be found. It is what it is.</p><p></p><p>I think this is D H's frustration. There will never be a time where you can confront your past and stand up to it, because no 4 year old in the whole world could have. The only adult in the room was your mother and we know what happened there.</p><p></p><p>That is D H's frustration. It is if he sees you keep going back and back to a 8 alarm fire...with the hope you will resurrect yourself, the house and your family. He sees both of us sacrificing the life left that is growing less and less to fight a fire that already destroyed too much. And there is nobody to save. Nothing to save. It is already lost.</p><p></p><p>D H wants you to accept that.</p><p></p><p>I think we do accept it. To a point. I will speak of myself, here. When I began on this forum I could not entertain one bad thought about my mother because I had nullified them in the course of taking care of her, and mourning her.</p><p></p><p>I was desolate and depressed. The minute I began to tolerate remembering even a little bit of the reality of my mother, I felt better.</p><p></p><p>If we elevate these people to prized specimens we depreciate ourselves to victims.</p><p></p><p>Cedar, a choice must be made. Do we pick ourselves, our mates and our lives or our mothers?</p><p></p><p>Your great suffering, I think, is that you have not decided. If you decide to decide, you will be spared the great suffering of having to re-decide every memory, every day. Decide this. To decide for yourself, each time doubt arises.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 665297, member: 18958"] Even as a child, I would not watch cartoons...because I could not stand the meanness. Even now, I stay away from movies and books about corruption...that do not have a hero to resolve it or a happy ending. In my work I am immersed in tragedy and corruption and dirtiness. I think in my mind it is tolerable to me because I must feel I am playing the hero role, and making it right. And I do whatever is in my power to do so. I think you do stand up, Cedar. I do too. If you are trying to stand up as the child you were vis a vis events of long ago where you did not have the power to do so, it will not work. We do not have the power to do that and will never. There is never a better outcome to be found. It is what it is. I think this is D H's frustration. There will never be a time where you can confront your past and stand up to it, because no 4 year old in the whole world could have. The only adult in the room was your mother and we know what happened there. That is D H's frustration. It is if he sees you keep going back and back to a 8 alarm fire...with the hope you will resurrect yourself, the house and your family. He sees both of us sacrificing the life left that is growing less and less to fight a fire that already destroyed too much. And there is nobody to save. Nothing to save. It is already lost. D H wants you to accept that. I think we do accept it. To a point. I will speak of myself, here. When I began on this forum I could not entertain one bad thought about my mother because I had nullified them in the course of taking care of her, and mourning her. I was desolate and depressed. The minute I began to tolerate remembering even a little bit of the reality of my mother, I felt better. If we elevate these people to prized specimens we depreciate ourselves to victims. Cedar, a choice must be made. Do we pick ourselves, our mates and our lives or our mothers? Your great suffering, I think, is that you have not decided. If you decide to decide, you will be spared the great suffering of having to re-decide every memory, every day. Decide this. To decide for yourself, each time doubt arises. [/QUOTE]
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In a totally new place and need perspective? Cedar? Anyone?
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