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Family of Origin
In a totally new place and need perspective? Cedar? Anyone?
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 665306" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I feel shame because I keep coming down on the wrong side. I want to explain myself.</p><p></p><p>I believe our children are our children not our enemies.</p><p></p><p>I believe while we must declare and insist upon correct behavior for them and toward us, as parents we bear a greater responsibility to sustain and to recover relationships with our errant children.</p><p></p><p>I believe that as long as we live we will miss and need our children.</p><p></p><p>This does not mean that we should submit ourselves to abuse to be with them or to overlook their very real transgressions.</p><p></p><p>By writing this I feel sadness.</p><p></p><p>I feel sadness because my mother while she tried in her last years to make and sustain relationships with her children (who were difficult, but not that difficult) for many years did not fight for a relationship with me.</p><p></p><p>She acted like the wounded party. She wanted her terms. She wanted me to overlook really wrong things she did. She ignored the elephant in the room. I could not.</p><p></p><p>I think we cannot have it both ways. My Mother was the mother. I was not. She had the greater responsibility to act as the mother should. Think about the story Run Away Bunny.</p><p></p><p>We are still those mothers to our children. No matter how much they have become men and women who act in whatever way they act.</p><p></p><p>Again, I say, we do not accept their abuse. We state what is right. And restate it.</p><p></p><p>We also have a responsible to be there for them.</p><p></p><p>What am I not getting?</p><p></p><p>I guess part of it is that I do not know the backstory for many of us. Probably most of us. I do not know the specific agonies to which each parent has submitted. I only started here in mid April. I do not know a whole lot. I am questioning if it is correct to post on threads where I do not know the details.</p><p></p><p>Or whether the issue is the validity of my perspective.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 665306, member: 18958"] I feel shame because I keep coming down on the wrong side. I want to explain myself. I believe our children are our children not our enemies. I believe while we must declare and insist upon correct behavior for them and toward us, as parents we bear a greater responsibility to sustain and to recover relationships with our errant children. I believe that as long as we live we will miss and need our children. This does not mean that we should submit ourselves to abuse to be with them or to overlook their very real transgressions. By writing this I feel sadness. I feel sadness because my mother while she tried in her last years to make and sustain relationships with her children (who were difficult, but not that difficult) for many years did not fight for a relationship with me. She acted like the wounded party. She wanted her terms. She wanted me to overlook really wrong things she did. She ignored the elephant in the room. I could not. I think we cannot have it both ways. My Mother was the mother. I was not. She had the greater responsibility to act as the mother should. Think about the story Run Away Bunny. We are still those mothers to our children. No matter how much they have become men and women who act in whatever way they act. Again, I say, we do not accept their abuse. We state what is right. And restate it. We also have a responsible to be there for them. What am I not getting? I guess part of it is that I do not know the backstory for many of us. Probably most of us. I do not know the specific agonies to which each parent has submitted. I only started here in mid April. I do not know a whole lot. I am questioning if it is correct to post on threads where I do not know the details. Or whether the issue is the validity of my perspective. [/QUOTE]
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In a totally new place and need perspective? Cedar? Anyone?
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