In need of help!

[BoxieLady]

I am new here so I figured this was where to start. I have searched the internet looking for a forum to help me keep my sanity and have not had much luck.
I have 3 kids. My oldest is 19 (daughter)and was never a hard time. My middle(daughter) is 17 and was for a while and still is from time to time, hard.
My youngest (son) is 13 and if he makes it to 14, I will be amazed.

We have meltdown almost weekly. He is very defiant and gets into trouble in school all the time. I homeschooled him last year and he's been back in public this year about 5 weeks and gotten 4 referrals already. Most, if not all were over trivial stuff but he has his victim's role down pat and won't take responsibility for his actions. The principal already suggested we home school again. I don't want him back home for that. He doesn't listen to me and I need my sanity time while he is in school.

He always wants to fight someone. I swear he thinks he is superman. All I hear is he wants to fight this guy or bust that one in the nose. He tries to be the 17 year old's "daddy" and tell her where she can't go. My husband and I are trying our best but this weekend was a serious meltdown with my husband telling our son to get out of his house after he got in the 17yo's face screaming at her. She got in her car and left and said she was not coming back. My son left and it took us a while to get things calmed again...around 10:30 pm. This all started about 6pm.

I just had a meltdown and cried. I can't deal with anymore and don't know what else to do. I bought the transformation program for $300 and should have just flushed the money down the toilet.

Now my husband is mentioning military school and it breaks my heart.
Sorry I am rambling. I am just lost, confused, and scared.

 

[nvts]

Welcome to the group! Couple of questions to help everyone to get to know you:

First, put together a signature like the one at the bottom of my post, that allows people to remember your circumstances (I try not to admit that I'd forget my own name 1/2 the time, let alone anyone else's kids! ).

Now:

1. How long has he been a handful?
2. Any early issues? (sensitive to sounds, sights, smells, textures, etc)
3. Does he have an IEP (Individual Education Plan?)?
4. Has he been diagnosed with anything yet?
5. Is he in any type of therapy?
6. Any medications?

We're a good crowd of people who've been down just about every road out there, so you're tapping into a VAST amount of experience!

Welcome, and keep posting!

Beth

 

[smallworld]

Welcome. I'm glad you found us.

Sorry for all the questions, but your answers will help us help you.

Has your son ever been evaluated for a chidlhood disorder?
Has he ever taken medications? If so, what?
Is he in therapy?
How does he do in school, both academically and with peers?
Has there been any attempt to get an IEP for him in school?
Any speech or developmental delays?
Any mental health issues or substance abuse in the family tree?

I recommend getting your hands on a copy of The Explosive Child by Ross Greene. It has helped many of us parent our extra-challenging children.

Again, welcome. We're here for you.

 

[smallworld]

Sorry -- Beth and I were posting at the same time and asked some of the same questions. You only have to answer once.

 

[nvts]

Ahhh! What's that about 2 great minds?

Beth

 

[BusynMember]

I'd chime to ask if to ask if there are any psychiatric disorders or either side of the family tree (this includes depression and substance abuse). Very often these problems are inherited.
This is also important: How was your son's early development--talking, eye contact, pottying, social skills, imaginative play, any odd behaviors, rituals or obsessions over a topic? Is your husband his biol. dad? You may want to do a signature like I did below. That will help us, help you. Welcome!

 

[Irishkalleene]

This is a great place to learn techniques for YOU to feel better and grow stronger. Keep coming back!

 

[BoxieLady]

1. How long has he been a handful? About the last 1 1/2 years. Last year I had to withdraw him from public school and homeschool him to keep him from being expelled
2. Any early issues? (sensitive to sounds, sights, smells, textures, etc) none other than was VERY colic baby
3. Does he have an IEP (Individual Education Plan?)? He did when he was diagnosed as ADD but Doctor changed the diagnosis
4. Has he been diagnosed with anything yet? Not yet this time. We go to the doctor on Thursday
5. Is he in any type of therapy? No, but am going to talk to the doctor about it Thursday
6. Any medications? he used to be on Concerta for ADD...nothing in past 1 1/2 years other than Zantac for heartburn (he stressed a lot)


How does he do in school, both academically and with peers? he is currently failing because he spends more time in ISS than in class. He really doesn't have friends because he wants to fight everyone.
Any speech or developmental delays? no
Any mental health issues or substance abuse in the family tree? wow...where to start? Not on my side of the family. His dad's family (I am married to him) has severe alcholicism(Is that even a word? LOL), drug abuse (marijuana), and possibly some mental issues. He has 4 brothers (my stepsons-all grown) who all seem to have one issue or another with people or relationships or drug use. I don't even know of anyone on my mom or dad's side who even drink occassionally and none do drugs (that I know of-very religious family) I drink about 4 times a year but his dad drinks about twice a month (few beers while watching the race)

This is also important: How was your son's early development--talking, eye contact, pottying, social skills, imaginative play, any odd behaviors, rituals or obsessions over a topic? He seemed to have a very normal development. He actually progressed early in most things. As he has gotten older (and especially recently) he has been obcessing over death. He is in constant fear that his dad will die (I am 37, dad is 52) He even worries we will dies in car crash, etc.

You may want to do a signature like I did below. That will help us, help you. Welcome!
I tried but it didn't show even after I saved it. I will try again.

 

[nvts]

Hey! I think I'd get a neuropsychologist done for him. They're typically done at a Childrens or Teaching Hospital. They'll test him for a ton of things and will help you "hone in" on what may be going on.

You'll want to pick up a copy of the Explosive Child by Ross Greene. He gives you some idea as to how these kids think and process things and ways to avoid things getting to be ridiculous.

Some of the examples really made me laugh. It's not a long read, and it's not full of technical mumbo jumbo.

Beth

 

[Wiped Out]

Adding in my welcome. You have found a place with much support. I'm glad you found us but sorry you had to.