Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
In the middle of a situation....advice?
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 139290" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Maybe I should be posting on the teen board as well!</p><p></p><p>We're going through similar stuff right now with easy child 2/difficult child 2. Right now, she is living in our sleepout with BF2. Her choice. It's a lovely room, free-standing with its own sink, lots of windows. It's big, much bigger than husband's & my room. But the crud they have accumulated! She says she wants to move out, but frankly all she has to do is tidy up and she would have the extra space she needs.</p><p></p><p>Anyway, back on topic - when our kids finished school we told them, "To continue to live here, you must either get a job (volunteer or paid) or do further study. or both."</p><p></p><p>We also try to live like flatmates. Because husband & I both lived in student housing when we were young, we learned how to live with a random assortment of others and get along. When sharing accommodation, you have to learn the house rules and abide by them.</p><p></p><p>Examples of house rules - taking turns with the washing up. Or maybe you can trade, and be responsible for the garbage and recycling instead of washing up. One house I lived in had the rule that whoever was on cooking duty also had to wash up that night. It meant that on the other nights we were free to study without having to stop and do chores. But there were drawbacks, so my preferred rule is - whoever cooks does not wash up.</p><p></p><p>So if he doesn't want to wash up, he can choose to prepare a meal. He has to cater for everyone in the house including catering to individual tastes.</p><p></p><p>Other rules - keep communal areas tidy. Your own living space can be untidy, but must be clean (ie no food or drink in the bedrooms).</p><p>Laundry - either take a turn, or do your own.</p><p>Shopping - preferably done by the person who is cooking that night. Alternatively, the household keeps a shopping list and people either shop as a group (or take turns helping) or help put groceries away.</p><p></p><p>The shopping list - as you open a new jar/packet of something, put it on the shopping list.</p><p>When shopping - if it's not on the list, don't buy it.</p><p>If you didn't buy something that was on the list, put it on the new list as soon as you get home.</p><p></p><p>When the kids whinge about my cooking or nag and say, "Why can't we have fish/steak/chicken every night?" I give them the option - THEY can take over the cooking for a week. They can plan the meals, shop for the supplies (but stay within the budget), do the cooking and serving AND put up with the complaints.</p><p></p><p>A really important rule - ALWAYS let people know where you will be and when you will be home. This is mostly for catering purposes, but also for household organisation. For example, easy child 2/difficult child 2 is working tomorrow and we need more tomatoes. Rather than me go out just for tomatoes, she can easily get some in her work break.</p><p></p><p>Anyone sitting on a couch is asked to help, if help is needed. Failure to help leads to natural consequences - if you don't pull your weight in the household, we will assume you don't really live here and we will stop pulling our weight FOR YOU. This is what happens for real in a student household. Dead wood gets culled.</p><p></p><p>If your son finds someone to let him move in with them, let him. If he is as slovenly for them as he is for you, they will soon throw him out.</p><p></p><p>My boys get roped in to peel vegetables, to help stir pots when I'm cooking, sometimes to do even more. I was suddenly taken ill last week while I was preparing a roast dinner, so I was able to ask difficult child 1 to make gravy for me.</p><p></p><p>difficult child 3 doesn't like to peel potatoes, he is scared of cutting himself. So we swap jobs, he cleans out the henhouse instead. easy child 2/difficult child 2 enjoys peeling garlic, also enjoys wielding the mortar and pestle, so I'm happy to give her those jobs. I mostly do the laundry, but next week I will need help and since BF2 produces the bulk of the laundry, I'm going to ask him to do the wash. I will be on call if he needs help. He's not my kid, but he has chosen to live with us.</p><p></p><p>You need to sit down with your son and explain that you all need to follow house rules. If he really doesn't want to wash up, is there another task you would be prepared to swap with him? And he has to learn that doing a half-baked job is not the way to get out of it. All it will do with future flatmates, is annoy them enough to throw him out.</p><p></p><p>If he wants to be treated as an adult, he has to meet adult responsibilities. If he ever wants to be happily married, he needs to learn how to be the perfect husband, the best catch. Learning how to cook is a good start. Knowing how to wash up and do the laundry could snag a supermodel.</p><p></p><p>Vegging out on the couch and giving cheek will set him up to be a lonely bachelor.</p><p></p><p>Good luck with this one.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 139290, member: 1991"] Maybe I should be posting on the teen board as well! We're going through similar stuff right now with easy child 2/difficult child 2. Right now, she is living in our sleepout with BF2. Her choice. It's a lovely room, free-standing with its own sink, lots of windows. It's big, much bigger than husband's & my room. But the crud they have accumulated! She says she wants to move out, but frankly all she has to do is tidy up and she would have the extra space she needs. Anyway, back on topic - when our kids finished school we told them, "To continue to live here, you must either get a job (volunteer or paid) or do further study. or both." We also try to live like flatmates. Because husband & I both lived in student housing when we were young, we learned how to live with a random assortment of others and get along. When sharing accommodation, you have to learn the house rules and abide by them. Examples of house rules - taking turns with the washing up. Or maybe you can trade, and be responsible for the garbage and recycling instead of washing up. One house I lived in had the rule that whoever was on cooking duty also had to wash up that night. It meant that on the other nights we were free to study without having to stop and do chores. But there were drawbacks, so my preferred rule is - whoever cooks does not wash up. So if he doesn't want to wash up, he can choose to prepare a meal. He has to cater for everyone in the house including catering to individual tastes. Other rules - keep communal areas tidy. Your own living space can be untidy, but must be clean (ie no food or drink in the bedrooms). Laundry - either take a turn, or do your own. Shopping - preferably done by the person who is cooking that night. Alternatively, the household keeps a shopping list and people either shop as a group (or take turns helping) or help put groceries away. The shopping list - as you open a new jar/packet of something, put it on the shopping list. When shopping - if it's not on the list, don't buy it. If you didn't buy something that was on the list, put it on the new list as soon as you get home. When the kids whinge about my cooking or nag and say, "Why can't we have fish/steak/chicken every night?" I give them the option - THEY can take over the cooking for a week. They can plan the meals, shop for the supplies (but stay within the budget), do the cooking and serving AND put up with the complaints. A really important rule - ALWAYS let people know where you will be and when you will be home. This is mostly for catering purposes, but also for household organisation. For example, easy child 2/difficult child 2 is working tomorrow and we need more tomatoes. Rather than me go out just for tomatoes, she can easily get some in her work break. Anyone sitting on a couch is asked to help, if help is needed. Failure to help leads to natural consequences - if you don't pull your weight in the household, we will assume you don't really live here and we will stop pulling our weight FOR YOU. This is what happens for real in a student household. Dead wood gets culled. If your son finds someone to let him move in with them, let him. If he is as slovenly for them as he is for you, they will soon throw him out. My boys get roped in to peel vegetables, to help stir pots when I'm cooking, sometimes to do even more. I was suddenly taken ill last week while I was preparing a roast dinner, so I was able to ask difficult child 1 to make gravy for me. difficult child 3 doesn't like to peel potatoes, he is scared of cutting himself. So we swap jobs, he cleans out the henhouse instead. easy child 2/difficult child 2 enjoys peeling garlic, also enjoys wielding the mortar and pestle, so I'm happy to give her those jobs. I mostly do the laundry, but next week I will need help and since BF2 produces the bulk of the laundry, I'm going to ask him to do the wash. I will be on call if he needs help. He's not my kid, but he has chosen to live with us. You need to sit down with your son and explain that you all need to follow house rules. If he really doesn't want to wash up, is there another task you would be prepared to swap with him? And he has to learn that doing a half-baked job is not the way to get out of it. All it will do with future flatmates, is annoy them enough to throw him out. If he wants to be treated as an adult, he has to meet adult responsibilities. If he ever wants to be happily married, he needs to learn how to be the perfect husband, the best catch. Learning how to cook is a good start. Knowing how to wash up and do the laundry could snag a supermodel. Vegging out on the couch and giving cheek will set him up to be a lonely bachelor. Good luck with this one. Marg [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
In the middle of a situation....advice?
Top