Incompletes and Fs coming in on grades ... what does he DO in class?

[TerryJ2]

I just hate looking at the student grade book online. It's so depressing.
I've set up a conference with-the math teacher on Tuesday. difficult child shouts that he doesn't want to go because he sees her almost every day so what's the POINT?!

Just had to get that out there ...

 

[buddy]

LOL, what DOES he do? I think that's a great question.

 

[remclick]

I hate the online grade book too. I dread looking at it and I hate when the emails come that say new grades posted! I do try to meet with all his teachers at the beginning of the year before all the bad grades come rolling in. I think it helps a little.

 

[HaoZi]

I just looked at Kiddo's. She's now failing two classes. WTF. Failure to turn in work. Failure to do classwork. *headdesk* She just gets mad at me when I try to talk to her about it and stomps around, yells, and throws things. WTF just repeats in my brain. No clue what is going on with her and she won't work with me.

 

[InsaneCdn]

Aspies do not learn the way other kids learn - and teachers are not taught how to teach Aspies.
So... most of what Aspies really learn is self-taught.
They never learn how to be a "student" so... the things we may think are obvious, to them are useless... as in, doing X doesn't help me learn so why should I?

 

[AnnieO]

Jett's is the same... And Onyxx's used to be.

 

[TerryJ2]

HaoZi, Step, and Insane, I'm right there with you.

Yeah, Buddy, THAT's the 6 million dollar question.

Remclick, nice to meet you. I met with-the teachers at the parents' night. Don't know if it was enough. Then again, it will never be enough.

 

[Wiped Out]

My easy child/difficult child was the same way. I gave up checking the on-line grades. I never did figure what she did at school. Now that she is paying for her school she is doing more work-still not perfect-but she is really trying!

 

[TeDo]

IC, you're right in regards to HaoZi's kiddo. difficult child 1 didn't understand the work (a lot of inferring and higher level interpretation needed) once he hit about 7th grade. That's when he really struggled and his grades started going into the toilet in everything except Phy Ed, math, art, and computers. He really COULDN'T do the work without having it explained to him in plain, straight-forward, literal terms. He got sent to the office almost every day for not doing his classwork. That's when I started fighting for a para to help with that gap (and yea, that's when things went WAY downhill with the school).

I loved the online checking. I could get on my kids for things before the grades got too bad. I checked every Thursday and went to the school every Friday to get copies of whatever wasn't done and they didn't have a life until everything I brought home was done. The embarrassment factor played a part to help.

Terry, is the girlfriend becoming too much of a distraction at school? That's the first thing that popped into my head. Does he get any help at school? I assume it's homework he's not doing/turning in. WOW. I don't know what to tell you but I have a good idea about what I would do/try.

 

[HaoZi]

Oh yay, and today she apparently had an "incident" at school that involved her saying she wished she was dead, which of course means they have to see if she needs to be evaluated at psychiatric hospital (this is one of her go-to lines when she's angry). There was chair throwing and what-not, and I didn't find out about it until her therapy appointment this afternoon.

Frankly I don't trust the psychiatric hospital docs not to royally f-up her current medications - I like their staff, I don't trust their docs. I'd have to be absolutely certain she NEEDED to be there to take her there again. And her simply using her go-to angry line won't get her there when she uses it at home. When she went there before it was a fiasco and I never even MET the docs, never even talked to the docs on the phone and they refused to PA her medications because they weren't her going to be seeing her again so she couldn't even get the medications they RX'd which because of the side effects had to be changed anyway.

 

[TerryJ2]

Yes, I do think his girlfriend is getting in the way. I cannot even bring up her name with-o him going ballistic. He is obsessed with-her. She has replaced video games.

What would you do, TeDo?

HaoZi, start another thread about your difficult child. You can cut and paste the one above. I'm afraid it will get lost here and it deserves it's own place. How is she doing?

 

[InsaneCdn]

Why can't you get him obsessed about homework? <lol>
The "obsession of the month" trend is really Aspie.

 

[SuZir]

Why can't you get him obsessed about homework? <lol>

I bet he is saving that one to more 'convenient' moment. My little idget did that. 12 years cutting every possible corner and then some. Always taking the easy way out when possible or someone letting him. And trying to do so even when not allowed. And then, just after having all his courses done and only final exams left and everyone else just wanting him to get it done with, he decided to find his inner perfectionist and not accept under 90% from anything, not even from the Spanish he had done his very best for over three years to not learn. A joy! (And because he is lucky and crafty little idget it seems he even pulled that one off, still waiting the official grades but looks very promising. Of course he is also whining because he did get only 99% of his favourite subject, very disappointed of one lost point. Kid is lucky if he lives till his official graduation, if he continues that. As I said, a joy!)

 

[Tiapet]

Terry I have a question, incase I missed it since lately I seem to miss things. When you were looking at the online grades what would you see on the particular assignments? For example:

1.With my difficult child most of his classwork was pretty good grades with some exceptions where he just flat out didn't do the work in class - learned
learned there was a conflict usually happening with the teacher (all different reasons depending on what teacher) so he would be passive about it and just not do the work (only hurts him).

2. With my difficult child he HATED homework and every grade that had to do with homework was F due to not being done - we learned and had a behavior specialist in charge of district involved that he's like a bottle of soda being shaken up all day in school. It takes all his energy to contain himself and be appropriate with his ADHD/other issues in school that once he gets home it's like the cork comes off that bottle and he explodes/releases and there is no way he can settle or be able to do anymore "busy" work (which is kind of what it is skill/drill work). The behaviorist said to school, who did not want to hear it or like it and refused to accept, if his grades are fine in classwork and his tests (both class and state) are fine it demonstrates he KNOWS the work then they should not require him to do any more work at home and put that in IEP. They still haven't.

3. With middle difficult child she didn't do her work in several classes and got F's for A) a teacher conflict - she was also being passive reactive, B) there was a bullying situation in another one, and C) if she missed a day due to sickness or appointments she refused to simply ask for the makeup work/information.

As you see in both situations just not doing the work is something they both did at different times and different reasons. It took a lot for us to finally get to the bottom of what was going on. In Mr. Busy's case it took 2 years to sort through it all. In Ms. Queen's case it took a year. I dreaded looking at the grades too because they were awful and I'd get emails constantly from teachers and their case manager of the IEP's at school about their work/grades even though they explicitly have IEPS and we've been over it.

I meet with the teachers in the beginning of every school year and go over with them the particulars of the difficult children and what I know works and don't work. It also gives me a chance to suss out them. I've learned that there are teachers right off the bat I know I'm going to have an issue with, with difficult child as they just don't "get" how these kids are no matter what I may tell them. Sure enough later in the year it is always the ones I think will have problems that do or that difficult child will have a problem with and grades become an issue. I do try to help them over and over again in many ways.

I find the best thing that has helped is to stay on them and keep going back and calling IEP meetings when I see that something is not working before it's too late. In a matter of 6 weeks I can see grades become detrimental as here (and in another place) if work is not dealt with (or the issue quickly it's too late and irrepairable and difficult child suffers. Not ALL teachers are like this but there are some. I'd say trust your gut with the teachers and actively listen to what they are telling you and what you know of your difficult child. Don't second guess. If it sounds strange, it may be. Try to find out what the issue is IN the classroom (or over all). Yes, a girlfriend may be contributing but I bet it's not really that.

 

[TerryJ2]

SuZir, oh my!

Tiapet, yes to all of the above.
He can be very passive-aggressive. Mostly passive, opt-out, ignore, etc. when he decides he hates the teacher. Last yr it was Spanish. She was the old fashioned type who stood at the front of the class and lectured. Her accent was so heavy, no one could figure out which language she was speaking!
So sad, because he loved Spanish before that and had gotten A's.
This yr, it's mostly math. When she likes you, she will bend over backward to help. She is convinced that my son is just refusing to do the work because he's stubborn.
She's partly right. But he's stubborn because he does't get it and it causes anxiety and then anger. And lord knows, our kids shoot themselves in the feet too often in this type of thing.

I am meeting with-her on Tuesday. difficult child has already refused to show up. I guess I have to threaten to turn off his cell phone for a wk to get him to show up.