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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 434409" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>You have gotten some great advice and view points. The responses you posted give me a far better view of that is going on. In many ways I am envious of your way of life. I do think that kids have to be taught how to handle the internet and computers, but it won't happen at the same age for all of them. They do NOT need access to it as early as many get it. When and how should be up to the parents, not teachers who now don't want to do the work of researching and planning lessons with-o the computer. The vast majority of teachers are not like that, and given a true understanding will work to accommodate a child's needs. But the ones who are overly dependent on computers are often incredibly vocal, making the 80/20 rule evident in yet another issue (It says that 80% of the population has no problem with any specific thing and those people comprise only 20% of the debates on whatever the issue is. The 20% who object are so vocal as to make 80% of the outcry over whatever it is).</p><p></p><p>Your son's fatigue makes me incredibly curious. What health issues have been investigated with regard to this? As it has been his way for so long, it may be that docs ignore it - also because of his age they may ignore it. It is NOT typical for any child. Has anyone ever investigated if he could have chronic fatigue syndrome or if he has pain maybe fibromyalgia? The need for sleep just sounds so much like it. The other thing I wonder about is food allergies. Hve you tried a casein free/gluten free diet and along with that removed as many artificial flavorings and preservatives as possible? For those who cannot handle dairy or wheat this can make a HUGE, difference in energy level and behavior - including executive function and social skills. One child I know described it as having been walking around in a haze or fog for all his life until he was on the diet for several weeks. This kid is NOT prone to insight or description of anything, esp how he feels and it was incredible the way he could describe it. Also incredible was how one small snack with gluten or dairy (casein is a protein found in milk) brought the fog and exhaustion back to him. It might be worth a try, maybe offer an incentive if he will help you with this diet change and stick to it for a month or six weeks. I have quite a few recipes for making your own mixes to cut out preservatives and artificial ingredients because those are the problem for my kids and myself. There are a LOT of girlfriend/cf cookbooks and recipes online also. </p><p></p><p>Another thing that might help is to see what sensory issues he has. They can be hard to endure if you have them and those that do not have NO idea what they are like. But basically it means the brain doesn't handle sensory input properly. Therapy requires NO medications usually. My youngest has significant sensory problems and the therapy has helped a LOT - he can now attend school every day for most of the year when in past years he missed 1/4 or more of the days each quarter. Basically he missed 9 weeks of school in a year (or more) from grades pre-k to 3. Grade 5 he didn't miss any days before winter break and after missed some but not for sensory issues overwhelming him. </p><p></p><p>Many people will tell you he is "too old' for the therapy. I was told that about my older two after my youngest was diagnosis'd. I did the therapy for each of them anyway and it made a big difference in many ways. The Out of Sync Child by Kranowitx explains this and the therapies for it. The improvements are often almost immediate AND they increase as you continue to do them. Best of all, they are not invasive (no medications), not unpleasant for most kids, and you can do them at home. You have to be trained in the brushing therapy because if not done properly it can mess up his body as much as it could help if done properly. Once trained (takes maybe 10-15 min for that) you do it at home, as well as providing the types of sensory input he needs. </p><p></p><p>I am not sure where you live, but do they have domestic violence centers there? Here they are in most communities and offer free individual and group therapy to both victims of domestic violence and the perpetrators. This includes kids in both groups. I sought help from them after I had to make my 14yo leave our home for good because he was beating me. I couldn't even SAY it for quite a while after it happened, not to anyone in my "real" life. I was the first parent to go there because her child was beating her where I was not elderly and the child was a teen. Sadly I was the first and they have had a LOT more like me since then. They may be able to help show him that porn hurts people. Marg's approach is definitely recommended, but hearing the message from someone who is NOT a parent or teacher of his may have more of an impact. the tdocs so far are certifiably crazy to say that what he is doing is "normal" - no way is it normal if the principal says it is worse than any he has seen before. </p><p></p><p>As for how to know if he was ever molested, you should NOT ask him. This would need to be done by someone trained in how to interview children who are possibly victims of sexual abuse. If you ask someone, esp a child or teen, if something happened and you keep asking it no matter what they say, eventually they will give you the answer that they think you want - they think it is what you want to hear. Sadly they often start to believe it is true when it isn't - and by eventually I mean in a twenty or thirty min interview or in having the question asked once or twice every couple of days for a week or two or three. This is why there are people trained to do these interviews - and why you do NOt want a beginner to do the interview.</p><p></p><p>I hope something here helps. These are what came to mind as I thought about your problems - ignore everything that doesn't sound like a good fit for your child and situation.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 434409, member: 1233"] You have gotten some great advice and view points. The responses you posted give me a far better view of that is going on. In many ways I am envious of your way of life. I do think that kids have to be taught how to handle the internet and computers, but it won't happen at the same age for all of them. They do NOT need access to it as early as many get it. When and how should be up to the parents, not teachers who now don't want to do the work of researching and planning lessons with-o the computer. The vast majority of teachers are not like that, and given a true understanding will work to accommodate a child's needs. But the ones who are overly dependent on computers are often incredibly vocal, making the 80/20 rule evident in yet another issue (It says that 80% of the population has no problem with any specific thing and those people comprise only 20% of the debates on whatever the issue is. The 20% who object are so vocal as to make 80% of the outcry over whatever it is). Your son's fatigue makes me incredibly curious. What health issues have been investigated with regard to this? As it has been his way for so long, it may be that docs ignore it - also because of his age they may ignore it. It is NOT typical for any child. Has anyone ever investigated if he could have chronic fatigue syndrome or if he has pain maybe fibromyalgia? The need for sleep just sounds so much like it. The other thing I wonder about is food allergies. Hve you tried a casein free/gluten free diet and along with that removed as many artificial flavorings and preservatives as possible? For those who cannot handle dairy or wheat this can make a HUGE, difference in energy level and behavior - including executive function and social skills. One child I know described it as having been walking around in a haze or fog for all his life until he was on the diet for several weeks. This kid is NOT prone to insight or description of anything, esp how he feels and it was incredible the way he could describe it. Also incredible was how one small snack with gluten or dairy (casein is a protein found in milk) brought the fog and exhaustion back to him. It might be worth a try, maybe offer an incentive if he will help you with this diet change and stick to it for a month or six weeks. I have quite a few recipes for making your own mixes to cut out preservatives and artificial ingredients because those are the problem for my kids and myself. There are a LOT of girlfriend/cf cookbooks and recipes online also. Another thing that might help is to see what sensory issues he has. They can be hard to endure if you have them and those that do not have NO idea what they are like. But basically it means the brain doesn't handle sensory input properly. Therapy requires NO medications usually. My youngest has significant sensory problems and the therapy has helped a LOT - he can now attend school every day for most of the year when in past years he missed 1/4 or more of the days each quarter. Basically he missed 9 weeks of school in a year (or more) from grades pre-k to 3. Grade 5 he didn't miss any days before winter break and after missed some but not for sensory issues overwhelming him. Many people will tell you he is "too old' for the therapy. I was told that about my older two after my youngest was diagnosis'd. I did the therapy for each of them anyway and it made a big difference in many ways. The Out of Sync Child by Kranowitx explains this and the therapies for it. The improvements are often almost immediate AND they increase as you continue to do them. Best of all, they are not invasive (no medications), not unpleasant for most kids, and you can do them at home. You have to be trained in the brushing therapy because if not done properly it can mess up his body as much as it could help if done properly. Once trained (takes maybe 10-15 min for that) you do it at home, as well as providing the types of sensory input he needs. I am not sure where you live, but do they have domestic violence centers there? Here they are in most communities and offer free individual and group therapy to both victims of domestic violence and the perpetrators. This includes kids in both groups. I sought help from them after I had to make my 14yo leave our home for good because he was beating me. I couldn't even SAY it for quite a while after it happened, not to anyone in my "real" life. I was the first parent to go there because her child was beating her where I was not elderly and the child was a teen. Sadly I was the first and they have had a LOT more like me since then. They may be able to help show him that porn hurts people. Marg's approach is definitely recommended, but hearing the message from someone who is NOT a parent or teacher of his may have more of an impact. the tdocs so far are certifiably crazy to say that what he is doing is "normal" - no way is it normal if the principal says it is worse than any he has seen before. As for how to know if he was ever molested, you should NOT ask him. This would need to be done by someone trained in how to interview children who are possibly victims of sexual abuse. If you ask someone, esp a child or teen, if something happened and you keep asking it no matter what they say, eventually they will give you the answer that they think you want - they think it is what you want to hear. Sadly they often start to believe it is true when it isn't - and by eventually I mean in a twenty or thirty min interview or in having the question asked once or twice every couple of days for a week or two or three. This is why there are people trained to do these interviews - and why you do NOt want a beginner to do the interview. I hope something here helps. These are what came to mind as I thought about your problems - ignore everything that doesn't sound like a good fit for your child and situation. [/QUOTE]
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