Our difficult child is 15. She requested permission to live with her bio-dad Nov 2011. As she was very stable and had been doing well, we allowed it. In Nov 2012, she asked to come back to us. Turns out the reason was that she was having trouble. After two suicide attempts and a psychiatric hospitalization (JUST after the psychiatric hospitalization), she told us she wanted to live with bio dad again. We said no. She's not stable enough, he doesn't know her medical/psychiatric needs, and he can't give her the supervision she needs. So she went over our heads and talked directly to her bio granddad. I don't know what she told him (no telling with her), but he asked me. I explained the situation. I told him she was NOT stable. I told him she needed 24/7 supervision, therapy at least once a week, and psychiatric care for medication management. I know that's a huge burden for him. I told him about her entire history. He said he could handle it. Frankly, at that point, I was so worn down, and at least I warned him. Well since she's been down there (May 2013), she had a suicide attempt, a psychiatric hospitalization, and recently, she ran away. I'm the one that called the cops to have her picked back up (despite the fact that I'm in Washington and she's in Texas). So after the cops picked her up, she told them she's been sleeping with the 27-year-old "best friend" of her bio dad. CPS came in and they won't release her to bio dad & bio granddad. They say that they can't believe they didn't know what was going on and they can't trust their supervision. So until the investigation's complete (probably a few months at the least), she can't go back. For now, she's staying with a teacher and seems to be okay. The caseworker called me to explain all this. She needs to be with family or in a foster home within a couple of weeks - staying with the teacher is temporary. I'll be honest: I don't want her back. She's deceitful, violent, and toxic to the rest of the family. But I was willing to drop everything and fly across the country to get her because that's what she needed. Then I spoke to her on the phone. I explained the situation to her. I explained that in a couple of weeks, she's either going to be in foster care (probably a group home, given her age & diagnoses) or she's going to have to come back with me. She said she'd rather go to foster care. I'm not fighting her. If I fight her, she's going to make everybody's life miserable. We just had a house fire and we may be looking at my husband getting kicked out of the military soon; we CANNOT have her creating drama and causing problems right now. And if she's refusing to come home willingly, that's exactly what she's going to do. We have looked at Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s. Many of them take our insurance but have lengthy waiting lists, and if my husband ends up without the Army, we won't be able to afford to keep her in a place like that. I don't see that we have an option. If we take her back, it will pose a huge risk to our other four children and to my husband's career (without which we can't afford anything!). My husband agrees with me. My mother in law agrees with me. My sister says that I'm her mom, so I should do it no matter what the cost. I try to explain that I'm also a mother to four other children and I have to consider them, but that doesn't matter. "What kind of mom would let her daughter go to foster care?" she asks me. She thinks that it's not killing me to see my daughter suffering and know that I can't do anything about it - to have to choose between my one child and my four others. But I don't really have another option. I just wish that it didn't hurt so much.