New here and need advice on possible hypersexuality and how we can help our daughter. Sorry this is so long.
We have 4 kids, 3 bio (18,13 & 2) and a 14yo adopted foster daughter I'll call KD.
KD came into foster care at the age of 9, though at 6 her mom dropped her off at a children's home for nearly a year. She was with her dad for 2nd grade and her mom for most of 3rd grade. She was placed in foster care with our neighbor at the end of 3rd grade along with one of her 2 older sisters. This is when we met her. It was another 2.5 years before she came to live with us after a failed reunification with bio mom.
I've only gotten two instance of anything sexual happening with KD. She believes one of her girl cousins and her kissed or touched each other when KD was 7/8 and the cousin was 10/11. Cousin recently denied it to KD. Said she doesn't remember anything like that. This left KD confused about who it is she had this experience with.
While being fostered at our neighbors my neighbor told me she'd found naked posed pictures of KD on sister's phone. She'd have been 10. Neighbor also told me KD would masterbate while watching TV.
KD has mentioned recently that she remembers been in bed with bio mom while bio mom had sex. She also watched movies that were inappropriate for young children. Her sisters (now 22 & 24) also had boys over and from the sound of things mom was working or out drinking so there was little adult supervision. Who knows what might have happened.
Recently KD has had trouble with maintaining appropriate relationships. Every one who befriends her is a potential love interest. Needless to say the friendships (usual girls) do not last long because the friend is simply trying to be a friend.
When she has a friend who begins to text her the conversations quickly turn sexual. She has lost her texting privileges 5 times now just this scool year. This last time was via a secret (she thought) instagram account. I took her phone completely and indefinitely. I have monitored all her texts and social media since she got her own phone 2 years ago.
She has been deeply, "I can't live without you" in love 3 times since September. All with people she kniws very little about except how the sexual fantasies and conversations make her feel. One was a female cousin she hasn't seen or spoke to in 7 years.
She is constantly writing sexual fantasy stories. One recently involved my oldest son (18) another my mom's 63 yo alcoholic fiance.
Two weeks ago a friend of my other daughter, who recently moved out of town, came to stay spring break with us. The first night here KD and the friend were upstairs alone and KD attempted to kiss the friend without permission. The girls bedrooms are loft type rooms above the livingroom so instead of talking about it the friend text KD about it right after so I immediately knew what had happened.
This weekend she'd friended a 12yo girl from school on instagram. They actually have PE together yet they have never spoke at school. The conversation started off appropriate until my daughter decided a conversation about potatoes was actual an invitation to talk sexual. I'm still baffled as to how potatoes can be misconstrued as sexual.
She also recently told another friend, who'd recently text her, that she is constantly sore from masterbating so much.
She is still a virgin at this point and is not left alone with anyone.
She's been in therapy for several years buy she shuts down and doesn't talk about anything. This leaves the therapists making suggestions to which KD agrees to some of their ideas just so they get something from her. She's told me she lies to them by agreeing with their ideas this way. I do always fill the therapist in on everything that's going on. I've discussed this sexual stuff with her but she has yet to address it.
At this point I can't even allow my other daughter to have friends over because KD can't keep her mouth to herself. I also haven't discussed that with my other daughter. I think I'll have KD discuss it with her next time she asks to have a friend over.
KD also NEVER invites friends over and NEVER wants to go anywher. She has low self esteem. She has cut and talked of suicide. Thinks she can't do anything and is always second guessing herself. She does get good, grades As & Bs, and doesn't get into trouble at school. Though she has expressed how she'd like to be the kid who's always in trouble. Wants to try drugs and she aspires to go to jail. But that is completely opposite of who she is.
Other than this sex thing she's a wonderful, sweet, caring girl. She is very helpful around the house and I can always count on her to do what she's told/asked with the exception of the texts.
I worry about getting through the next 5 years of school without her getting pregnant. I worry about her emotional health because she "falls so deeply" in love and has trouble handling the break ups. I want her to get a handle on these feelings now so that she can deal with it easier as an adult.
Any advise would be greatly appreciated.
We have 4 kids, 3 bio (18,13 & 2) and a 14yo adopted foster daughter I'll call KD.
KD came into foster care at the age of 9, though at 6 her mom dropped her off at a children's home for nearly a year. She was with her dad for 2nd grade and her mom for most of 3rd grade. She was placed in foster care with our neighbor at the end of 3rd grade along with one of her 2 older sisters. This is when we met her. It was another 2.5 years before she came to live with us after a failed reunification with bio mom.
I've only gotten two instance of anything sexual happening with KD. She believes one of her girl cousins and her kissed or touched each other when KD was 7/8 and the cousin was 10/11. Cousin recently denied it to KD. Said she doesn't remember anything like that. This left KD confused about who it is she had this experience with.
While being fostered at our neighbors my neighbor told me she'd found naked posed pictures of KD on sister's phone. She'd have been 10. Neighbor also told me KD would masterbate while watching TV.
KD has mentioned recently that she remembers been in bed with bio mom while bio mom had sex. She also watched movies that were inappropriate for young children. Her sisters (now 22 & 24) also had boys over and from the sound of things mom was working or out drinking so there was little adult supervision. Who knows what might have happened.
Recently KD has had trouble with maintaining appropriate relationships. Every one who befriends her is a potential love interest. Needless to say the friendships (usual girls) do not last long because the friend is simply trying to be a friend.
When she has a friend who begins to text her the conversations quickly turn sexual. She has lost her texting privileges 5 times now just this scool year. This last time was via a secret (she thought) instagram account. I took her phone completely and indefinitely. I have monitored all her texts and social media since she got her own phone 2 years ago.
She has been deeply, "I can't live without you" in love 3 times since September. All with people she kniws very little about except how the sexual fantasies and conversations make her feel. One was a female cousin she hasn't seen or spoke to in 7 years.
She is constantly writing sexual fantasy stories. One recently involved my oldest son (18) another my mom's 63 yo alcoholic fiance.
Two weeks ago a friend of my other daughter, who recently moved out of town, came to stay spring break with us. The first night here KD and the friend were upstairs alone and KD attempted to kiss the friend without permission. The girls bedrooms are loft type rooms above the livingroom so instead of talking about it the friend text KD about it right after so I immediately knew what had happened.
This weekend she'd friended a 12yo girl from school on instagram. They actually have PE together yet they have never spoke at school. The conversation started off appropriate until my daughter decided a conversation about potatoes was actual an invitation to talk sexual. I'm still baffled as to how potatoes can be misconstrued as sexual.
She also recently told another friend, who'd recently text her, that she is constantly sore from masterbating so much.
She is still a virgin at this point and is not left alone with anyone.
She's been in therapy for several years buy she shuts down and doesn't talk about anything. This leaves the therapists making suggestions to which KD agrees to some of their ideas just so they get something from her. She's told me she lies to them by agreeing with their ideas this way. I do always fill the therapist in on everything that's going on. I've discussed this sexual stuff with her but she has yet to address it.
At this point I can't even allow my other daughter to have friends over because KD can't keep her mouth to herself. I also haven't discussed that with my other daughter. I think I'll have KD discuss it with her next time she asks to have a friend over.
KD also NEVER invites friends over and NEVER wants to go anywher. She has low self esteem. She has cut and talked of suicide. Thinks she can't do anything and is always second guessing herself. She does get good, grades As & Bs, and doesn't get into trouble at school. Though she has expressed how she'd like to be the kid who's always in trouble. Wants to try drugs and she aspires to go to jail. But that is completely opposite of who she is.
Other than this sex thing she's a wonderful, sweet, caring girl. She is very helpful around the house and I can always count on her to do what she's told/asked with the exception of the texts.
I worry about getting through the next 5 years of school without her getting pregnant. I worry about her emotional health because she "falls so deeply" in love and has trouble handling the break ups. I want her to get a handle on these feelings now so that she can deal with it easier as an adult.
Any advise would be greatly appreciated.