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Is it morally right for us to kick our 19 yo son out of the house?
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<blockquote data-quote="scent of cedar" data-source="post: 574695" data-attributes="member: 1721"><p><a href="http://drkathleenmccoy.blogspot.com/2012/06/helping-adult-children-through-rough.html" target="_blank">http://drkathleenmccoy.blogspot.com/2012/06/helping-adult-children-through-rough.html</a></p><p></p><p>The site listed above will help you know how to interpret what is happening to you and to your son. It will give you options regarding how to discuss these issues with him, and will help center you and your husband, whichever choice your son makes. It is short ~ just a few paragraphs, but it helped me to stand up again.</p><p></p><p>I'm sorry this is happening to you, and to your child.</p><p></p><p>Can you afford to rent a room for him? Even if only for one month, knowing you are not throwing him into the street will give you the strength you need to follow through with this child. Maybe check the YMCA? I think your son knows you will not turn him out with nothing. If you have a viable plan for where to bring him, the threat of making him leave will seem more real to him.</p><p></p><p>That may be all it takes.</p><p></p><p>If renting something for him is a financial hardship, there is a nation-wide number which will connect you to someone who will be familiar with social services programs in your area. That number: 211 They will be able to tell you about local shelters and food banks. </p><p></p><p>We did this (including renting the apartment) more than once with our son. It was expensive, but preferable to continuing to live as hostages in our own home. After a certain number of years, with son bouncing into and out of the house, I found this site, and the strength to change my own attitude. Stay with us, keep posting here, listen to the alternatives other parents have explored. You will find a place to stand, here. You will find the strength it takes to let the kids learn from the consequences of their choices. </p><p></p><p>Parenting children like ours is a horribly difficult thing. We never know, until it is too late to change it, whether we are making the right choices. </p><p></p><p>Your son is betraying you. His task is to move into the next phase of his life. He refuses to go to school, refuses to work for minimum wage, and validates watching video games and Skyping by claiming depression. I would be depressed too, if I were living that life. There is some evidence that creative people are more prone to depression. That may be a fact of life for your son. Don't let him use it as an excuse to destroy himself. I don't think anti-depressants are a good way to go, either. Maybe he could start running or playing basketball, or take a martial arts class?</p><p></p><p>And here is the secret: If this is the life your son chooses for himself, that does not mean you need to support him while he does it. You are not asking anything unreasonable of your son. </p><p></p><p>I was just thinking about the Armed Services thing. If son is a pacifist, he could join the Peace Corps. At least, that would get him out of the house and out of himself and into a healthier mindset. </p><p></p><p>Wishing well, KittyKat. </p><p></p><p>:O)</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="scent of cedar, post: 574695, member: 1721"] [url]http://drkathleenmccoy.blogspot.com/2012/06/helping-adult-children-through-rough.html[/url] The site listed above will help you know how to interpret what is happening to you and to your son. It will give you options regarding how to discuss these issues with him, and will help center you and your husband, whichever choice your son makes. It is short ~ just a few paragraphs, but it helped me to stand up again. I'm sorry this is happening to you, and to your child. Can you afford to rent a room for him? Even if only for one month, knowing you are not throwing him into the street will give you the strength you need to follow through with this child. Maybe check the YMCA? I think your son knows you will not turn him out with nothing. If you have a viable plan for where to bring him, the threat of making him leave will seem more real to him. That may be all it takes. If renting something for him is a financial hardship, there is a nation-wide number which will connect you to someone who will be familiar with social services programs in your area. That number: 211 They will be able to tell you about local shelters and food banks. We did this (including renting the apartment) more than once with our son. It was expensive, but preferable to continuing to live as hostages in our own home. After a certain number of years, with son bouncing into and out of the house, I found this site, and the strength to change my own attitude. Stay with us, keep posting here, listen to the alternatives other parents have explored. You will find a place to stand, here. You will find the strength it takes to let the kids learn from the consequences of their choices. Parenting children like ours is a horribly difficult thing. We never know, until it is too late to change it, whether we are making the right choices. Your son is betraying you. His task is to move into the next phase of his life. He refuses to go to school, refuses to work for minimum wage, and validates watching video games and Skyping by claiming depression. I would be depressed too, if I were living that life. There is some evidence that creative people are more prone to depression. That may be a fact of life for your son. Don't let him use it as an excuse to destroy himself. I don't think anti-depressants are a good way to go, either. Maybe he could start running or playing basketball, or take a martial arts class? And here is the secret: If this is the life your son chooses for himself, that does not mean you need to support him while he does it. You are not asking anything unreasonable of your son. I was just thinking about the Armed Services thing. If son is a pacifist, he could join the Peace Corps. At least, that would get him out of the house and out of himself and into a healthier mindset. Wishing well, KittyKat. :O) [/QUOTE]
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Is it morally right for us to kick our 19 yo son out of the house?
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