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Is it morally right for us to kick our 19 yo son out of the house?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 615671" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>HI there. Sorry you had to come here and sorry for your trouble and your hurting heart.</p><p></p><p>If you want a good response, I think you should start your own thread. As it is, you are just adding to an old one and I'm afraid not a lot of people will see yours.</p><p></p><p>Anyway, of course a lot of us do make our kids leave, especially when they are violent and disrespectful and dangerous and often they steal from us and use drugs and refuse to work, etc. etc. etc. This isn't a moral issue. It's a safety decision. Also, your son certainly is not going to get his life together if you give him a warm cushy bed, money, a car and hot meals while he threatens you. That is enabling his choice to behave dangerously toward you. There is NO EXCUSE IN THE WORLD...nothing YOU could say...that should EVER have your son coming at you with his fists. He is not two years old. He is responsible for what he does. You aren't.</p><p></p><p>There are grandparents who enable their grandchildren and who turn on their children and don't believe their stories. I would not focus on that too much, although it hurts. The fact is, they don't know the truth and if they want to close their ears to it, there is nothing you can do about it. If he lives with them a while, they will learn the truth.</p><p></p><p>It's good that you have supportive loved ones. I t hink you should concentrate on THEM this Christmas and try to detach from the drama that your wayward son and parents are causing. It isn't easy to learn how to do and you are very new to this, but it is something you will learn as time goes on if your son continues to make poor decisions and your parents continue to treat you with disrespect.</p><p></p><p>I would read the article on the top of the page on detachment. And for now, I would put your parents at a distance. You don't need to listen to their accusations and even abuse. I don't care if they are 104 years old. They should treat you with respect and, if they don't, you do not need to listen to their words. Maybe they need to see that you are not going to listen. As for your son, sounds like he's using drugs. Is this true? If so, well, most of our adult kids who are still self-destructing are doing so because of drugs.</p><p></p><p>Regardless of the reason, nobody should ever house a dangerous person, even if it is an adult child.</p><p></p><p>I hope this helped a little. Keep posting. We are always here...24/7. We know what you are going through.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 615671, member: 1550"] HI there. Sorry you had to come here and sorry for your trouble and your hurting heart. If you want a good response, I think you should start your own thread. As it is, you are just adding to an old one and I'm afraid not a lot of people will see yours. Anyway, of course a lot of us do make our kids leave, especially when they are violent and disrespectful and dangerous and often they steal from us and use drugs and refuse to work, etc. etc. etc. This isn't a moral issue. It's a safety decision. Also, your son certainly is not going to get his life together if you give him a warm cushy bed, money, a car and hot meals while he threatens you. That is enabling his choice to behave dangerously toward you. There is NO EXCUSE IN THE WORLD...nothing YOU could say...that should EVER have your son coming at you with his fists. He is not two years old. He is responsible for what he does. You aren't. There are grandparents who enable their grandchildren and who turn on their children and don't believe their stories. I would not focus on that too much, although it hurts. The fact is, they don't know the truth and if they want to close their ears to it, there is nothing you can do about it. If he lives with them a while, they will learn the truth. It's good that you have supportive loved ones. I t hink you should concentrate on THEM this Christmas and try to detach from the drama that your wayward son and parents are causing. It isn't easy to learn how to do and you are very new to this, but it is something you will learn as time goes on if your son continues to make poor decisions and your parents continue to treat you with disrespect. I would read the article on the top of the page on detachment. And for now, I would put your parents at a distance. You don't need to listen to their accusations and even abuse. I don't care if they are 104 years old. They should treat you with respect and, if they don't, you do not need to listen to their words. Maybe they need to see that you are not going to listen. As for your son, sounds like he's using drugs. Is this true? If so, well, most of our adult kids who are still self-destructing are doing so because of drugs. Regardless of the reason, nobody should ever house a dangerous person, even if it is an adult child. I hope this helped a little. Keep posting. We are always here...24/7. We know what you are going through. [/QUOTE]
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Is it morally right for us to kick our 19 yo son out of the house?
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