Is it unreasonable?

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by susiestar, Aug 6, 2008.

  1. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    My husband has restless legs. I fought for over 5 years to get him to see the doctor about sleep apnea and restless legs. NOW I learn he never mentioned the legs to the doctor. His legs shake and quiver a LOT at night. EVERY night. I have spent hours rubbing htem at night hoping it would help.

    I just get almost asleep and it feels like we are having an earthquake. # or 4 times in a row and I don't sleep ALL NIGHT even WITH lunesta or Ambien!! He goes to sleep early, so I have NO chance to get to sleep before him - have tried really hard.

    IF I somehow DO get to sleep before him, it wakes me up. I am going nuts and feeling like a meanie. ANYTIME I mention this, he justrefuses to talk to me.

    He also will go to bed with a headache or backache and MOAN all night. If I get him some advil or aleve he acts as though I am TORTURING him by wanting him to treat it.

    A flippin advil or aleve isn't torture, is it??

    Is it too much to expect a grown man to take medication as needed for HIS bodily aches, with-o having to pill him like the cat?? And then dealw ith the response that I am being "Mean" because I want to sleep too?

    I am seriously ready to make him sleep on the couch for life or until he goes to get an attitude adjustment.

    Sleepless and Snappishly Susie
  2. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    Not unreasonable at all. If he doesn't want you to be grumpy, snappy and "mean" then he can either see the doctor or shut up. Besides, if he's doing this all night, surely HE'S not sleeping as well as he could either.

    Any chance you could make the appointment without him knowing and con him into going somehow?

    Otherwise, one of you needs to sleep somewhere else. Since he refuses to get treatment for this, guess he gets the short straw.
  3. Calgon_Take_Me_Away

    Calgon_Take_Me_Away New Member

    I know nothing about RLS, but hope you get some resolution by him to the dr or one of you to the couch.

    {{{{{{{sleep vibes}}}}}}}}
  4. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Susie, have you been sleeping with my H???

    Seriously, I could have written your post verbatim!! I have tried to get H to sleep with the darned soap at the foot of the bed; I've tried forcing him to take magnesium (he swears I was poisoning him!) and I've suggested (demanded) he mention it to his DR and amazingly he has. Want to know the Dr's response to H? You're going to love this!

    DR: "Does the twitching and moving keep you awake?"
    H: "No"
    DR: "Then I don't see the problem."


    I was so super PO'd at that. So, like you, I can't even bring it up anymore. H will quote the Dr. He refuses to go for a sleep test, he refuses to even TRY and take a xanax to see if that helps at all. So, I am the one taking pills so I can sleep through his twitching and bouncing all night long. Our old counselor suggested to H that he do some stretching exercises or take an evening yoga class. Yeah, right. To H that would be the same as him dressing up in a ballerina costume and prancing through the neighborhood - Yoga is not manly. Ugh.

    Wow, Susie, I can sooooo relate. :(
  5. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    My husband doesn't have RLS, but he SNORES. I try and push him to roll over, but that is only temporary. Most times I just go sleep in the spare room. I'm a light sleeper and the smallest of noises keeps me up. And, I am one that NEEDS my sleep. I'm a bear if I don't get it.

  6. 'Chelle

    'Chelle Active Member

    They mentioned a study on the radio not too long ago - what study or who did it or anything I don't know as I just caught the end part of it. They said that men sleep better with a significant other sharing the bed, and women slept worse. I believe this is probably true. I know I slept a lot worse before husband started working nights. Now he sleeps during the day, I sleep at night, and I'm happy to have the bed to myself LOL One of the reasons is husband had RLS (plus he liked to lean against me, said HE was comfy that way ARGGGG). His legs would twitch almost exactly every 15 seconds (yes I lay there counting one night LOL). He won't go to the doctor either. So now he can twitch during the day and I sleep better at night.
  7. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    husband can go on for hours with the twitching legs. The snoring still happens after two surgeries to fix his deviated septum and one to remove his uvula. The twitching has started up again, and I am making him eat bananas, hoping that the potassium will help with the twitches. He only seems to care about these nocturnal disturbances when he wants to slow down on helping around the house. Then it's a tragedy!
  8. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    "Chelle! I count the seconds between twitches also! Finally, in a fit of rage, I may either kick H or just go sleep in easy child's room. I always keep clean sheets on her bed so I can bed hop when he's having a particularly bad twitching night. Drives me nuts just thinking about it!

    H, of course, thinks I'm the crazy one for counting how long between twitches and bounces.
  9. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    Well, getting my husband to the dr is almost impossible. at this stage he and I have a blanket between us but in the winter that doesn't work. In addition to the leg stuff and snores mine also rolls over a lot and smacks me. He is sound asleep and has no idea he is doing it but I tell you what when whack happens and your asleep it is a rude, rude awakening.

  10. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I kick husband all of the time when he's really bad. It doesn't phase him at all. I go sleep on the sofa.
  11. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    Quick, save your marriage and build another room...his and hers. My husband falls asleep on the couch most nights...even though we have a king size bed.

    My Dad and Stepmom have been together for 36 years. She's been sleeping in my old room for years.

    For as long as I can remember, my great grandparents had sepearate rooms....married for 60 something years.

    Then, there's the major aunt and uncle stayed married but had totally separate residences about 1/8 mile away. They were inseparable, until my uncle passed away a year and a half ago. They were married almost 50 years.

    Obviously, I'm sort of joking, but if you can't sleep and he won't mention it to the doctor, you may want to find other sleeping arrangements. How can you deal with all that you do on no sleep?
  12. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    A friend of mine bought a house a few years ago that has 2 master bedrooms at opposite ends, so that she and husband can each get a good night's sleep. She says that if they sleep any closer than that one of them is going to end up dead.

    I think that if husband is causing the disturbance, then he gets the sofa.

    (My husband's snoring is down to a very dull roar (thank you CPAP machine!:D), and it seems to have helped the restless legs too. Now if I can only get him to stop grabbing my head in his sleep, I'll be good.)
  13. janebrain

    janebrain New Member

    I would definitely make other sleeping arrangements. My late husband used to snore and keep me awake so I would go out on the couch each night.
  14. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Loth, when H began planning the upper level addition, I asked him to build me my own room...and guess what?? I think it's an EXCELLENT idea.

    When the addition is done, I will just take over the other half of the upstairs and make that my space.

    We bought a cali king tempur pedic and we especially picked it out (huge) for this reason; so I wouldn't be disturbed by his moving all night. The commercial is BS. I can feel everything. And no glass of wine would be able to withstand H's twitching for more than a few seconds. When it was delivered, difficult child came in with a glass of red wine and said, "Let's see if the commercial is true!" H says I'm like the Princess and Pea...I tell him he's like a Mexican Jumping Bean!

    Susie, how big is your bed? I really like the idea of another room.
  15. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    We have a wonderful king size bed. It was for sale at an estate sale - was in some lady's guest room for 20 years, and she didn't ever let anyone come over to visit from anywhere so it was like NEW. It didn't sell so the friends doing the sale had my bro haul it off to the dump. He came over with a shelf I had bought and I asked for the bed on his trailer. So it is MINE!

    husband spends many many nights on the couch.

    He HAD a sleep test, but at our loverly hospital they ONLY test for sleep apnea. NOTHING about restless legs is tested for even though his doctor requested it. I had one and don't have apnea. husband has apnea so bad that after ONE HOUR they put him on the CPAP to see what would happen. It really helped the snore and gasp problem. He would snore, stop moving, then make a terribly loud gasp for air. It was SCARY for me. I LOVE the fool and was afraid every flippin night that he would croak! It was so bad that he could wake the kids and I up from the couch!! His cat is part of the reason he survived. She would reach down and smack him if he didn't gasp or move soon enough for her. (I love that cat!)

    The CPAP is great. BUT it doesn't help the legs. It is like having an earthquake every 30 seconds. Add that to the effects of eating beans for dinner and well, it is a rocky night sometimes. Beano helps a whole lot with the bean issue, but he won't take it unless I get after him and am "nasty" to him about it.

    Belive you me I end up kicking him.

    I just think it is rude to have a problem, be told about it and refuse to take anything to help. Or to have a backache and moan and groan at ME about it when YOU refuse to take any medications.

  16. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    Going by your signature, I'm going to guess that Gracie is the cat you mentioned? LOL That's too funny...I would try to get video of that if at all possible!

    I agree....KNOWING you have this and refusing to do anything about it is rotten. The video thing gives me an idea.....could you video tape him while he's asleep to show him just how bad it is? Either that or take a nap so you can stay up later and then do it to HIM! I'm sure it would be a bigger deal if he was on the receiving end of the same treatment.
  17. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Now you know why couples wind up in twin beds. :rofl:

    Seriously. My husband doesn't have restless leg. He has restless body. Soon as we have the money, there will be twin beds for us. I can't and won't do it anymore.
  18. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    This is a post I can so relate to. Actually it is why I am posting right now at midnite!

    Tony has restless body...I love that term! The man jerks and rolls around constantly. He has also thrown his arms around in his sleep and hit me. He used to be really bad about talking in his sleep but that has he just snores. He moves so much that he ends up taking up the whole bed by sleeping kitty corner across it. We arent little people either. I end up trying to hang onto one little edge of the bed and kick him over to his side. By the middle of the night Im not very nice!

    I cant get him to a doctor because he has no insurance. For him to see a doctor it has to be life or death.

    I am trying to find twin beds on freecycle but not having much luck. I think that would be the ideal thing. He thinks that means I dont love him but if this doesnt get solved soon I swear Im gonna get my own apartment!
  19. Star*

    Star* call 911

    This is just a suggestion - but WHY not invest in full beds? Your's over here (points to corner because well that's where you belong) and his over there (points to the garage).

    All kidding aside - go get separate beds - 2 twins make a king if you want to push them together. :surprise::tongue:
  20. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Star that is what I want to do...the two twins and put a small table in between...heck we could put keyana's toddler bed in between.

    Not only do I have the problem of HIM kicking me all night but if she is here and happens to come sleep with us, she is as bad as he is! I swear she got his restless legs. I sometimes wonder if Keyana isnt Tonys child instead of People stop us all the time and say how much she looks just like him but how she has my eyes! Hmmmm.