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Is there a silver lining?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 215957" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>FTN, until your SO decides to get the appropriate help for all her kids AND herself and you also willingly go for help, I'm afraid that there is no silver lining. I can't address the legal stuff. None of us can. We know nothing about this legal situation. All I know is you will be living in Court if you stay in this relationship. It is very unhealthy on all fronts and we don't know who is really to blame or what really has happened. To me it seems that all of the adults in this situation get off on drama and, in fact, inflame it and make it worse. I wouldn't be surprised if all the kids want to get away from all of you as soon as they can.</p><p>One thing is clear: SO is not doing her job as a parent, and you can't possibly fill the role of a father for all these allegedly sexually abused kids, some who are almost as old as you are. It's an impossible task. I'm amazed you are still there. But know this: As long as you are there, and especially if SO uses court and DOESN'T use intensive therapy for herself and probably ALL of the girls then nothing good is going to happen. Even if she does all that, everyone may be too messed up already to get it together. Another thing: Girls who are abused have a tendency to blame other men for abusing. I understand how the defendent got off, especially with a history of abuse and no witnesses. This is common. The next target could be YOU. You may NOT get off. I would be careful not to touch these girls in any way, not even hug them, and I would DEFINTELY never spank them. You could get into serious trouble. in my opinion, this situation is a disaster and you are playing with fire. I think it would help you if you went into therapy on your own to talk to somebody about why you are in this relationship and what you reasonably expect to get out of it. Nobody else should go with you. You need to get your own life sorted out aside from all the chaos surrounding you. You are a young man with your life in front of you. Is this what you want? These are questions you need to explore in therapy, on your own. </p><p>I feel like this situation is just horrible in every way. None of the adults are acting like adults. I agree that difficult child may ask to live with her father though, especially if it's less chaotic. Do you listen to us or are we typing for no reason? Do you get how unhealthy all of this is, including you and SO? Do you understand SO is a poor mother? Is there always screaming and shouting in your house? Do you understand that you NEVER tell a child that her father hurt everyone in the family?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 215957, member: 1550"] FTN, until your SO decides to get the appropriate help for all her kids AND herself and you also willingly go for help, I'm afraid that there is no silver lining. I can't address the legal stuff. None of us can. We know nothing about this legal situation. All I know is you will be living in Court if you stay in this relationship. It is very unhealthy on all fronts and we don't know who is really to blame or what really has happened. To me it seems that all of the adults in this situation get off on drama and, in fact, inflame it and make it worse. I wouldn't be surprised if all the kids want to get away from all of you as soon as they can. One thing is clear: SO is not doing her job as a parent, and you can't possibly fill the role of a father for all these allegedly sexually abused kids, some who are almost as old as you are. It's an impossible task. I'm amazed you are still there. But know this: As long as you are there, and especially if SO uses court and DOESN'T use intensive therapy for herself and probably ALL of the girls then nothing good is going to happen. Even if she does all that, everyone may be too messed up already to get it together. Another thing: Girls who are abused have a tendency to blame other men for abusing. I understand how the defendent got off, especially with a history of abuse and no witnesses. This is common. The next target could be YOU. You may NOT get off. I would be careful not to touch these girls in any way, not even hug them, and I would DEFINTELY never spank them. You could get into serious trouble. in my opinion, this situation is a disaster and you are playing with fire. I think it would help you if you went into therapy on your own to talk to somebody about why you are in this relationship and what you reasonably expect to get out of it. Nobody else should go with you. You need to get your own life sorted out aside from all the chaos surrounding you. You are a young man with your life in front of you. Is this what you want? These are questions you need to explore in therapy, on your own. I feel like this situation is just horrible in every way. None of the adults are acting like adults. I agree that difficult child may ask to live with her father though, especially if it's less chaotic. Do you listen to us or are we typing for no reason? Do you get how unhealthy all of this is, including you and SO? Do you understand SO is a poor mother? Is there always screaming and shouting in your house? Do you understand that you NEVER tell a child that her father hurt everyone in the family? [/QUOTE]
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