Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Is there a silver lining?
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Ropefree" data-source="post: 216199" data-attributes="member: 6271"><p>Oh my dear! </p><p>#1: establish firm boundaries in your own mind about the sanctity of your home.</p><p></p><p>This is a set of events in the relationship where the abnormal use of power acts like a mixer and everything blends together in one hot boiling mess of emotion.</p><p></p><p>As you are aware of the nature of the abuses in your home and in the power struggling the one part that you do have control over and can OH YES YOU CAN</p><p>do is what you bring to the fiasco.</p><p></p><p>If their is some restraint provision or not document and report each violation as they happen.</p><p></p><p>The daughter is confused upset and does not want the condition things are in</p><p>OF COURSE NOT...when a human being is confronted with a horrible shock the first</p><p>stop is denial. It is as if our minds just protect us with this veil and sometimes for years and decades until we are safe and strong enough that it all floods back.</p><p></p><p>Also, this family was not operating on safe nurturing healthy terms and as a family member the most important thing about abuse to know is that if you are strong enouph to tolerate abuse in relationship you are strong enough to leave it.</p><p></p><p>The dynamics at work are the utter lack of respect and appropriate boundaries for each person. And when one member is having emotional overload...the daughter as you discribe...who is conflicted internally by all that she has gone through and has not one bit of control over and HOW SHE FEELS! She is the one person in this mixture that has EVERY REASON to be "acting" out of control. Where would she have acquired the omnipitance to feel or do otherwise? She is surrounded by adults who have control over her life who do not respect her, do not defend her, do not give her harbour from the insanity and then anticipate that SHE is going to </p><p>BEHAVE?</p><p></p><p>I am not suggesting that while you may decide that this type of relationship pattern of MUTALLY ABUSIVE design is what you prefer to now stop is ALL your fault. Very likely you do not understand the elements of a safe, nuturing way of achieving your objectives in relationship. You are not alone in that.</p><p></p><p>I promise you that IF it is important to you and IF you do the work on YOURSELF that you and you alone are going to change the atmosphere in which your life is conducted in the future.</p><p></p><p>Whenever adults take that path it demonstrated to their children and friends that it can be done and althought the abusers and sex offenders and the philanderers will not doubt remain a plague in society.</p><p></p><p>You may prevail in the legal system and in this delema but you will not retain the sanity you do need if you are verbally engaging in verbal asaults and battles with them.</p><p></p><p>CAn you get a supervised visitation in the order? and can you get every member in this custody visitation into some conseling and domestic violence training? Even if there is not other suggestions of physical assaults verbal is a physical assault as well. </p><p></p><p>You are seeking help and it will be offered to you and you need to take good care to be able to hear and act on the guaidance that is out in the world. </p><p></p><p>Look to the advantages that are there: you have contact limits..enforse them</p><p>Lack of evidence means that you have a record that will pop up until the end of time for this abuser and do not let that mark loose its importance. You remain vigilant and conserned because of what you KNOW is a threat and someone who has harmed. Make your way safely from future contacts.</p><p></p><p>In ooour urban world teaching our children to hold their head up with diginity and also to evade and retreat from unneccisary rotten people is also a skill.</p><p></p><p>And hold firm to your truth. If you do know it is so then rant and rave in safe places and do not give those who are part of the abuse the window to hurt your further. Do not discuss with them</p><p></p><p>As a parent I am so befuttled when others presume that I am not keenly aware of and working with around and through what is so. If you have a cause to expalin your position it is helpful to avoid overwhelming them as human beings put up a wall when it is to much. What works to engage the others understanding is to say something that is true that any normal person is going to agree with. Simple.</p><p></p><p>Like "my daughter has been through so much, I am giving her time to focus on other things right now."</p><p></p><p>My family is learning new behavor. WE love you. Let me call you back.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Ropefree, post: 216199, member: 6271"] Oh my dear! #1: establish firm boundaries in your own mind about the sanctity of your home. This is a set of events in the relationship where the abnormal use of power acts like a mixer and everything blends together in one hot boiling mess of emotion. As you are aware of the nature of the abuses in your home and in the power struggling the one part that you do have control over and can OH YES YOU CAN do is what you bring to the fiasco. If their is some restraint provision or not document and report each violation as they happen. The daughter is confused upset and does not want the condition things are in OF COURSE NOT...when a human being is confronted with a horrible shock the first stop is denial. It is as if our minds just protect us with this veil and sometimes for years and decades until we are safe and strong enough that it all floods back. Also, this family was not operating on safe nurturing healthy terms and as a family member the most important thing about abuse to know is that if you are strong enouph to tolerate abuse in relationship you are strong enough to leave it. The dynamics at work are the utter lack of respect and appropriate boundaries for each person. And when one member is having emotional overload...the daughter as you discribe...who is conflicted internally by all that she has gone through and has not one bit of control over and HOW SHE FEELS! She is the one person in this mixture that has EVERY REASON to be "acting" out of control. Where would she have acquired the omnipitance to feel or do otherwise? She is surrounded by adults who have control over her life who do not respect her, do not defend her, do not give her harbour from the insanity and then anticipate that SHE is going to BEHAVE? I am not suggesting that while you may decide that this type of relationship pattern of MUTALLY ABUSIVE design is what you prefer to now stop is ALL your fault. Very likely you do not understand the elements of a safe, nuturing way of achieving your objectives in relationship. You are not alone in that. I promise you that IF it is important to you and IF you do the work on YOURSELF that you and you alone are going to change the atmosphere in which your life is conducted in the future. Whenever adults take that path it demonstrated to their children and friends that it can be done and althought the abusers and sex offenders and the philanderers will not doubt remain a plague in society. You may prevail in the legal system and in this delema but you will not retain the sanity you do need if you are verbally engaging in verbal asaults and battles with them. CAn you get a supervised visitation in the order? and can you get every member in this custody visitation into some conseling and domestic violence training? Even if there is not other suggestions of physical assaults verbal is a physical assault as well. You are seeking help and it will be offered to you and you need to take good care to be able to hear and act on the guaidance that is out in the world. Look to the advantages that are there: you have contact limits..enforse them Lack of evidence means that you have a record that will pop up until the end of time for this abuser and do not let that mark loose its importance. You remain vigilant and conserned because of what you KNOW is a threat and someone who has harmed. Make your way safely from future contacts. In ooour urban world teaching our children to hold their head up with diginity and also to evade and retreat from unneccisary rotten people is also a skill. And hold firm to your truth. If you do know it is so then rant and rave in safe places and do not give those who are part of the abuse the window to hurt your further. Do not discuss with them As a parent I am so befuttled when others presume that I am not keenly aware of and working with around and through what is so. If you have a cause to expalin your position it is helpful to avoid overwhelming them as human beings put up a wall when it is to much. What works to engage the others understanding is to say something that is true that any normal person is going to agree with. Simple. Like "my daughter has been through so much, I am giving her time to focus on other things right now." My family is learning new behavor. WE love you. Let me call you back. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Is there a silver lining?
Top