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<blockquote data-quote="aninom" data-source="post: 322109" data-attributes="member: 8513"><p>Amen. How do you move the topic? Or do I just start a new one in the right forum?</p><p> </p><p></p><p> </p><p>I agree. I think us continuing to support her unconditionally is only having the opposite effect in the end. My mom ended up paying for her flight here, knowing it was a bad idea - I think she feels the point at which she could say 'no' to anything is long past, and she is probably scared of retribution if she did (she, let's call her M, would just scramble together money for a flight to my parents instead and proceed to take her righteous anger out at them and their property). But it is done, and I can't physically stop her from entering the apartment, and I can't call the police until she gets physical.</p><p> </p><p>Me, mom, and dad always coordinate our vacation to be here, and she comes briefly every summer: it always ends up the same way. The year before last my dad actually almost filed a restraining order, but somehow it feels like this would only escalate things. The police here are not geared towards this kind of situation, either.</p><p> </p><p></p><p> </p><p>I know, I know. Part of me actually wants her to crash and burn, so to speak, just to realize she can't go on like this. Our parents won't always be there. She has to understand that SHE needs to change.</p><p> </p><p>My family doesn't want me to do it at all. My mom wants me to find another apartment that she'll help finance, for as long as M is here. It feels good to have that option but at the same time I don't want to strain their economy in this way, especially if I can figure out a way to get M to change her mind. She already has a big apartment of her own in the country where she is studying - she says an abusive boyfriend made her sign up for it before he bolted - and mom is effectively already paying for that, already. M would still be paying for that place, despite being here. </p><p> </p><p>It just made no sense for her to leave the city of her school, until I just found out via facebook that it's probably everything to do with an ex that is here. So another mark against this being good for her in any way.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><p>Thank you so much!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="aninom, post: 322109, member: 8513"] Amen. How do you move the topic? Or do I just start a new one in the right forum? I agree. I think us continuing to support her unconditionally is only having the opposite effect in the end. My mom ended up paying for her flight here, knowing it was a bad idea - I think she feels the point at which she could say 'no' to anything is long past, and she is probably scared of retribution if she did (she, let's call her M, would just scramble together money for a flight to my parents instead and proceed to take her righteous anger out at them and their property). But it is done, and I can't physically stop her from entering the apartment, and I can't call the police until she gets physical. Me, mom, and dad always coordinate our vacation to be here, and she comes briefly every summer: it always ends up the same way. The year before last my dad actually almost filed a restraining order, but somehow it feels like this would only escalate things. The police here are not geared towards this kind of situation, either. I know, I know. Part of me actually wants her to crash and burn, so to speak, just to realize she can't go on like this. Our parents won't always be there. She has to understand that SHE needs to change. My family doesn't want me to do it at all. My mom wants me to find another apartment that she'll help finance, for as long as M is here. It feels good to have that option but at the same time I don't want to strain their economy in this way, especially if I can figure out a way to get M to change her mind. She already has a big apartment of her own in the country where she is studying - she says an abusive boyfriend made her sign up for it before he bolted - and mom is effectively already paying for that, already. M would still be paying for that place, despite being here. It just made no sense for her to leave the city of her school, until I just found out via facebook that it's probably everything to do with an ex that is here. So another mark against this being good for her in any way. Thank you so much! [/QUOTE]
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