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<blockquote data-quote="mstang67chic" data-source="post: 322167" data-attributes="member: 2459"><p>Yep, you're right. SOMETHING has to work. But....it's not up to you or your parents. It's up to HER. My son is similar in that he wants everything his way and doesn't understand why HE should follow the same rules that everyone else does. Don't we get that HE'S special??? Don't we understand that HE'S different? It sounds like you and your family have done quite a lot. She's a grown adult and needs to learn that the world doesn't revolve around her. There are rules and expectations for everyone, herself included. If she CHOOSES to not follow those rules, there are consequences. As long as she is tip toed around and given in to, she will never get it. My advice is to first, let her know what is expected and what the consequences will be. After that, go on with your life. If she is having a good day, great! Enjoy your time with the sister you love and know is in there. If she's not, follow through with the consequences just as you would anyone else. That's not saying that you need to watch her and wait for her to do something wrong, just go on with daily things. If she does something that is against the rules, whether they are your rules or society's rules, THEN you respond in a calm and factual manner. If her diagnosis is one that she actually needs medications and/or therapy, then SHE is the one who needs to do it. You can't do it for her legally and it won't help her anyway if you do. SHE has to do it. Someone else made the comparison to someone who is an addict of some sort. You can't MAKE them stop. You can offer to help and be there for them during the process but it's up to that person to do it. Detachment, while difficult and painful sometimes, is a wonderful thing. Once you realize it's up to that person, a lot of the stress and negativity really eases up. Somewhere on this board, is a post of detachment based responses when someone is having a rant....kind of like the one your sister had over the decor. It's things to say and do so you don't get drawn into the drama and helps to put things back on the other person. "I'm sorry you feel that way", "That must be upsetting to you", "I'm sure you'll figure something out", etc. Someone I'm sure will post a link to it but you might look in either the General or Watercooler archives. </p><p></p><p>You sound like a wonderful person who loves and wants to help her sister. And while you can be there for her and encourage her, SHE is the one who has to take the steps and follow through. This place is not only a great source of information but also of advice, support and friendship. The advice and info here can be about education laws, legal advice and such but also how to deal with the difficult child's in our lives while keeping ourselves intact mentally and emotionally. It really is a soft place to land. (Just watch out for the attack donkeys and sporks! LOL Stick around and you'll figure that out <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/bigsmile.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":bigsmile:" title="big smile :bigsmile:" data-shortname=":bigsmile:" /> )</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="mstang67chic, post: 322167, member: 2459"] Yep, you're right. SOMETHING has to work. But....it's not up to you or your parents. It's up to HER. My son is similar in that he wants everything his way and doesn't understand why HE should follow the same rules that everyone else does. Don't we get that HE'S special??? Don't we understand that HE'S different? It sounds like you and your family have done quite a lot. She's a grown adult and needs to learn that the world doesn't revolve around her. There are rules and expectations for everyone, herself included. If she CHOOSES to not follow those rules, there are consequences. As long as she is tip toed around and given in to, she will never get it. My advice is to first, let her know what is expected and what the consequences will be. After that, go on with your life. If she is having a good day, great! Enjoy your time with the sister you love and know is in there. If she's not, follow through with the consequences just as you would anyone else. That's not saying that you need to watch her and wait for her to do something wrong, just go on with daily things. If she does something that is against the rules, whether they are your rules or society's rules, THEN you respond in a calm and factual manner. If her diagnosis is one that she actually needs medications and/or therapy, then SHE is the one who needs to do it. You can't do it for her legally and it won't help her anyway if you do. SHE has to do it. Someone else made the comparison to someone who is an addict of some sort. You can't MAKE them stop. You can offer to help and be there for them during the process but it's up to that person to do it. Detachment, while difficult and painful sometimes, is a wonderful thing. Once you realize it's up to that person, a lot of the stress and negativity really eases up. Somewhere on this board, is a post of detachment based responses when someone is having a rant....kind of like the one your sister had over the decor. It's things to say and do so you don't get drawn into the drama and helps to put things back on the other person. "I'm sorry you feel that way", "That must be upsetting to you", "I'm sure you'll figure something out", etc. Someone I'm sure will post a link to it but you might look in either the General or Watercooler archives. You sound like a wonderful person who loves and wants to help her sister. And while you can be there for her and encourage her, SHE is the one who has to take the steps and follow through. This place is not only a great source of information but also of advice, support and friendship. The advice and info here can be about education laws, legal advice and such but also how to deal with the difficult child's in our lives while keeping ourselves intact mentally and emotionally. It really is a soft place to land. (Just watch out for the attack donkeys and sporks! LOL Stick around and you'll figure that out :bigsmile: ) [/QUOTE]
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