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<blockquote data-quote="aninom" data-source="post: 322444" data-attributes="member: 8513"><p>mstang, susie, flutter - thank you all for listening, and most of all for the advice. I've been quiet not because I've taken anything in the wrong way (the tough love has been useful as a wake-up call, if anything), I just needed time to digest. I'll make a vent thread in the emeritus forum after I've posted this reply, this thread has probably grown a little too big and vent-like by now, and in the wrong place!</p><p> </p><p>You are all right. I think when you live in a hermetically sealed family situation for long enough, you start believing the most unbalanced situation normal somehow. It didn't even cross my mind to say no. Granted, I'm not in a situation (emotional, physical, cultural) where I can just tell her no, but neither do I have the energy or strength or expertise to handle our amazonic difficult child alone and for such a stretch of time.</p><p> </p><p>So I heeded your advice and simply asked my boss for an expanded vacation during the holidays, and started looking for tickets to my parents'. I know difficult child has to fly back to her school for a make-up exam (she keeps flunking the regular ones :[ ) in early January, and if I can swing a good ticket, that'll put the total under-same-roof time to 10 days. Like mstang suggested, I have had my own boatload, and have seen an amazing counselor for years now because of recurring depression. And I know what she would say: vomiting out of stress for something that may or may not happen in the future - i.e. difficult child staying through spring - does nothing but drain energy I might need then.</p><p> </p><p>I also spent some time with That Awesome Family today. They've only seen difficult child's best side and were heartily glad she was coming - but, and believe this, they asked how I would cope! They'd already seen some "lively temper", and thought I'd get tired.</p><p> </p><p>Being able to tell the truth here, I think, was what made it easier to relate it to them as well. I am so tired of lying and pretending our family is perfect and stable. I was calm somehow, and told them a mild version of the truth - that the temper really was an issue, that she sometimes got upset to an extreme, and that I honestly didn't know how best to handle and support her even though I love her. I didn't tell them about the violence, obviously, but it felt like they'd already guessed and were too polite to ask. They also asked me to come stay with them whenever and for how ever long I needed to, if she ever had a bad day. I mean, can you spell PHEW?</p><p> </p><p>Again, thank you all so, so much for the support, and yes, even the harsh truth is a form of support. Everybody needs perspective: and even though it's harder to carry it through in action, at least it makes it that little bit easier to do the sane thing rather than what you've gotten used to doing, i.e. rolling over and accepting it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="aninom, post: 322444, member: 8513"] mstang, susie, flutter - thank you all for listening, and most of all for the advice. I've been quiet not because I've taken anything in the wrong way (the tough love has been useful as a wake-up call, if anything), I just needed time to digest. I'll make a vent thread in the emeritus forum after I've posted this reply, this thread has probably grown a little too big and vent-like by now, and in the wrong place! You are all right. I think when you live in a hermetically sealed family situation for long enough, you start believing the most unbalanced situation normal somehow. It didn't even cross my mind to say no. Granted, I'm not in a situation (emotional, physical, cultural) where I can just tell her no, but neither do I have the energy or strength or expertise to handle our amazonic difficult child alone and for such a stretch of time. So I heeded your advice and simply asked my boss for an expanded vacation during the holidays, and started looking for tickets to my parents'. I know difficult child has to fly back to her school for a make-up exam (she keeps flunking the regular ones :[ ) in early January, and if I can swing a good ticket, that'll put the total under-same-roof time to 10 days. Like mstang suggested, I have had my own boatload, and have seen an amazing counselor for years now because of recurring depression. And I know what she would say: vomiting out of stress for something that may or may not happen in the future - i.e. difficult child staying through spring - does nothing but drain energy I might need then. I also spent some time with That Awesome Family today. They've only seen difficult child's best side and were heartily glad she was coming - but, and believe this, they asked how I would cope! They'd already seen some "lively temper", and thought I'd get tired. Being able to tell the truth here, I think, was what made it easier to relate it to them as well. I am so tired of lying and pretending our family is perfect and stable. I was calm somehow, and told them a mild version of the truth - that the temper really was an issue, that she sometimes got upset to an extreme, and that I honestly didn't know how best to handle and support her even though I love her. I didn't tell them about the violence, obviously, but it felt like they'd already guessed and were too polite to ask. They also asked me to come stay with them whenever and for how ever long I needed to, if she ever had a bad day. I mean, can you spell PHEW? Again, thank you all so, so much for the support, and yes, even the harsh truth is a form of support. Everybody needs perspective: and even though it's harder to carry it through in action, at least it makes it that little bit easier to do the sane thing rather than what you've gotten used to doing, i.e. rolling over and accepting it. [/QUOTE]
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