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Isn't it time for these kids to go back to school?
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 226812" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>We have been having difficulties with difficult child 3 and all the time we're spending with mother in law and sister in law. Honestly - I'm sometimes finding it a strain, and I'm not autistic. </p><p></p><p>Example: dinner last night. difficult child 3 already stressed and wanting to be anywhere else but with us.</p><p>mother in law: difficult child 3, would you like a bread roll?</p><p></p><p>difficult child 3: (mouth full, signals, no thanks).</p><p></p><p>(mother in law proffers basket of bread rolls more vigorously in difficult child 3's direction).</p><p></p><p>difficult child 3: (hastily swallowing) No thanks, Grandma.</p><p></p><p>[later in meal]</p><p></p><p>mother in law: difficult child 3, have a bread roll. Go on. There are plenty.</p><p></p><p>difficult child 3: No thanks, Grandma. I said before, I don't want one.</p><p></p><p>mother in law: You didn't say before, this is the first time I've offered you one. Don't be rude. I'm just being polite offering you food. You do have to eat, you know. Go on, have a bread roll.</p><p></p><p>difficult child 3: Grandma, I've already said twice that I don't want one.</p><p></p><p>mother in law: (getting huffy) You shouldn't talk to me that way, I'm only offering you food. This is MY house, I'll have manners in my house, thank you.</p><p></p><p></p><p>OK, it's maybe no big deal, but when difficult child 3 finally blows his stack it IS a big deal.</p><p></p><p>What we're getting, over and over, constantly, is the same inconsistency, repetition, indecision, you-name-it, in duplicate (mother in law & sister in law both). OK, sister in law is having a much-needed holiday and I don't begrudge it at all, but I need my breaks from it too. As I observe the pair of them, it seems to me that they're amplifying each other, it escalates between them (mother in law & sister in law) and the end result is difficult child 3 getting inconsistent, mixed messages and feeling VERY confused.</p><p>Yesterday he asked if he could have some orange juice. I said, "I'm not getting it for you."</p><p>SILjumped in quickly and said, "At least he asked permission, that was good manners."</p><p>mother in law said, "He doesn't have to ask permission, but he DOES have to get it for himself and not expect other people to wait on him. Yes, difficult child 3, you can have some. Help yourself."</p><p>I got him a glass. difficult child 3 got the juice and filled his glass.</p><p>About an hour later, he got himself another glass of orange juice. His cousins had been drinking a lot of it also, the bottle was getting low.</p><p>mother in law said, "Hang on, that's the second glass of juice. You should have asked my permission. It s MY juice, you know."</p><p></p><p>with all of this over and over, it's no wonder that by dinner time, difficult child 3 was almost in meltdown mode. To his credit he took it outside, but wanted to 'discuss' things with me. It wasn't easy, because mother in law was calling to me to talk to me about something or other to do with dinner, and I HAD to answer immediately. I still wasn't fast enough and she came looking for me, to find me and difficult child 3 "having words". difficult child 3 began to get a lecture on respecting his mother, which I forestalled quickly.</p><p></p><p>Under normal conditions she wouldn't say anything like this nor would she interfere, but with sister in law & her girls around, mother in law is stressed and snapping back to what I privately call "difficult" mode. She wants her daughter to have a rest (which she desperately needs) and also wants everyone to get on well. As a result, she's getting anxious that difficult child 3 doesn't go into meltdown, but in urging him to behave and control himself, added to a lot more stress from more people putting in their oar, difficult child 3 is really not coping too well.</p><p></p><p>I can't blame any one person, least of all difficult child 3. This is always a difficult time for a difficult child of ANY age. And holiday gatherings provide ample opportunity to study the heredity of the GFGness in the family. Just don't say it out loud, around the family members you're speculating about!</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 226812, member: 1991"] We have been having difficulties with difficult child 3 and all the time we're spending with mother in law and sister in law. Honestly - I'm sometimes finding it a strain, and I'm not autistic. Example: dinner last night. difficult child 3 already stressed and wanting to be anywhere else but with us. mother in law: difficult child 3, would you like a bread roll? difficult child 3: (mouth full, signals, no thanks). (mother in law proffers basket of bread rolls more vigorously in difficult child 3's direction). difficult child 3: (hastily swallowing) No thanks, Grandma. [later in meal] mother in law: difficult child 3, have a bread roll. Go on. There are plenty. difficult child 3: No thanks, Grandma. I said before, I don't want one. mother in law: You didn't say before, this is the first time I've offered you one. Don't be rude. I'm just being polite offering you food. You do have to eat, you know. Go on, have a bread roll. difficult child 3: Grandma, I've already said twice that I don't want one. mother in law: (getting huffy) You shouldn't talk to me that way, I'm only offering you food. This is MY house, I'll have manners in my house, thank you. OK, it's maybe no big deal, but when difficult child 3 finally blows his stack it IS a big deal. What we're getting, over and over, constantly, is the same inconsistency, repetition, indecision, you-name-it, in duplicate (mother in law & sister in law both). OK, sister in law is having a much-needed holiday and I don't begrudge it at all, but I need my breaks from it too. As I observe the pair of them, it seems to me that they're amplifying each other, it escalates between them (mother in law & sister in law) and the end result is difficult child 3 getting inconsistent, mixed messages and feeling VERY confused. Yesterday he asked if he could have some orange juice. I said, "I'm not getting it for you." SILjumped in quickly and said, "At least he asked permission, that was good manners." mother in law said, "He doesn't have to ask permission, but he DOES have to get it for himself and not expect other people to wait on him. Yes, difficult child 3, you can have some. Help yourself." I got him a glass. difficult child 3 got the juice and filled his glass. About an hour later, he got himself another glass of orange juice. His cousins had been drinking a lot of it also, the bottle was getting low. mother in law said, "Hang on, that's the second glass of juice. You should have asked my permission. It s MY juice, you know." with all of this over and over, it's no wonder that by dinner time, difficult child 3 was almost in meltdown mode. To his credit he took it outside, but wanted to 'discuss' things with me. It wasn't easy, because mother in law was calling to me to talk to me about something or other to do with dinner, and I HAD to answer immediately. I still wasn't fast enough and she came looking for me, to find me and difficult child 3 "having words". difficult child 3 began to get a lecture on respecting his mother, which I forestalled quickly. Under normal conditions she wouldn't say anything like this nor would she interfere, but with sister in law & her girls around, mother in law is stressed and snapping back to what I privately call "difficult" mode. She wants her daughter to have a rest (which she desperately needs) and also wants everyone to get on well. As a result, she's getting anxious that difficult child 3 doesn't go into meltdown, but in urging him to behave and control himself, added to a lot more stress from more people putting in their oar, difficult child 3 is really not coping too well. I can't blame any one person, least of all difficult child 3. This is always a difficult time for a difficult child of ANY age. And holiday gatherings provide ample opportunity to study the heredity of the GFGness in the family. Just don't say it out loud, around the family members you're speculating about! Marg [/QUOTE]
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Isn't it time for these kids to go back to school?
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