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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 590871" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>MWM, I am quite interested to learn that he drinks daily and takes xanax. I have been wondering because based on things you have said it really seemed to me that he was either an alcoholic who was drinking or he was a dry drunk. It is ENTIRELY possible to not drink ever and still behave like an alcoholic. I am guessing that someone on your or his father's side of the family or both, was an alcoholic. Adult Children of Alcoholics have certain behavior patterns that are every bit as identifiable as those of an alcoholic and there are books about this. There are even books for adult <strong>GRANDCHILDREN</strong> of alcoholics. If you find the criteria for these, you will be amazed at how well they define certain people that you know.</p><p></p><p>Given the way he is behaving, I would say that SportsFan most certainly IS an alcoholic. All his going on about how J is his life(but he cannot give up something to find money for a lawyer or a therapist for him or J) and about how you cannot say this or that or he won't talk to you ever again, all the calls and tirades etc..... are SOOOOOOOOO much the actions of an alcoholic. </p><p></p><p>You will NOT be out of place at an alanon meeting. I am glad you intend to go because they WILL understand and will NOT think you have less problems or reasons to be there. I think you will be amazed at the acceptance and at the realization that SF is an alcoholic. I thought he was before, and wasn't sure how to say it or ask if he drank or even if I should say anything about it. </p><p></p><p>If the alanon meeting doesn't feel like the right fit for you, PLEASE do not give up. Generally it is best to go to several different meetings before choosing one. Each meeting has a different dynamic based on the people who are there. Even meetings at the same place but on different days and/or at different times are very different. I really like the meetings at one church during lunch, but the evening meetings there feel so awkward and critical that I know they are NOT the right fit for me. Usually it is recommended that you aim for 7 in 7 which means seven meetings in seven days. </p><p></p><p>Remember that SF is not a toddler and you have zero obligation to only say what he wants to hear. His rules for what you can say to him are highly inappropriate and disrespectful. Even if you were not his mother they would be disrespectful. You are not his child and he has zero right to chastise you for saying what he does not want to hear. He may need a period of you refusing to talk to him or listen to him to make that clear. You have every right to expect him to speak to you respectfully and to refuse to speak to him or listen to him unless and utnil he is respectful and appropriate. In fact, it is actually being a good mom to tell him that you won't tolerate this nonsense about what you can and cannot say to him. MO, of coursee. And i do get how hard it can be when they are so emotionally volatile and abusive. (I am pretty sure that you told me similar things about gfgbro, along with Daisy, Star, HD and others.)</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 590871, member: 1233"] MWM, I am quite interested to learn that he drinks daily and takes xanax. I have been wondering because based on things you have said it really seemed to me that he was either an alcoholic who was drinking or he was a dry drunk. It is ENTIRELY possible to not drink ever and still behave like an alcoholic. I am guessing that someone on your or his father's side of the family or both, was an alcoholic. Adult Children of Alcoholics have certain behavior patterns that are every bit as identifiable as those of an alcoholic and there are books about this. There are even books for adult [B]GRANDCHILDREN[/B] of alcoholics. If you find the criteria for these, you will be amazed at how well they define certain people that you know. Given the way he is behaving, I would say that SportsFan most certainly IS an alcoholic. All his going on about how J is his life(but he cannot give up something to find money for a lawyer or a therapist for him or J) and about how you cannot say this or that or he won't talk to you ever again, all the calls and tirades etc..... are SOOOOOOOOO much the actions of an alcoholic. You will NOT be out of place at an alanon meeting. I am glad you intend to go because they WILL understand and will NOT think you have less problems or reasons to be there. I think you will be amazed at the acceptance and at the realization that SF is an alcoholic. I thought he was before, and wasn't sure how to say it or ask if he drank or even if I should say anything about it. If the alanon meeting doesn't feel like the right fit for you, PLEASE do not give up. Generally it is best to go to several different meetings before choosing one. Each meeting has a different dynamic based on the people who are there. Even meetings at the same place but on different days and/or at different times are very different. I really like the meetings at one church during lunch, but the evening meetings there feel so awkward and critical that I know they are NOT the right fit for me. Usually it is recommended that you aim for 7 in 7 which means seven meetings in seven days. Remember that SF is not a toddler and you have zero obligation to only say what he wants to hear. His rules for what you can say to him are highly inappropriate and disrespectful. Even if you were not his mother they would be disrespectful. You are not his child and he has zero right to chastise you for saying what he does not want to hear. He may need a period of you refusing to talk to him or listen to him to make that clear. You have every right to expect him to speak to you respectfully and to refuse to speak to him or listen to him unless and utnil he is respectful and appropriate. In fact, it is actually being a good mom to tell him that you won't tolerate this nonsense about what you can and cannot say to him. MO, of coursee. And i do get how hard it can be when they are so emotionally volatile and abusive. (I am pretty sure that you told me similar things about gfgbro, along with Daisy, Star, HD and others.) [/QUOTE]
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