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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 591002" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Thank you all. I wish, wish, wish we had an FA out here! Or a Codependents Anonymous anywhere close. Small town area and all we have are the normal AA NA and Al Anons. But we have quite a few of those and I'm going to go! As for Mr. 35, he called last evening and night and I just didn't answer. Hound Dog, you are right. If he goes, he goes. It would bother him more than me in the end, since he barely called me for a ten year period anyway. For me, it would secretly be a relief after the initial shock of not getting 10 phonecalls a day. He doesn't add much to the family...nobody even wants to deal with him but me. It would be him punishing himself, really. He doesn't have friends and doesn't make them easily and, of course, if he perchance did find one, he couldn't treat the friend like he treats me or he'd be back to square one. He has burned all his bridges in the family. </p><p></p><p>I spoke to Julie last night and she told me that when she used to babysit for J. (she did this to make a few bucks w hen she was going to school), 35 would come home and drink and drink (beer). He has graduated to more. She said, and she should know, "Hell, yes!" when I asked her if she thought he could be a functional alcoholic. </p><p></p><p>He has many traits of antisocial personality disorder,a lthough I have no doubt he loves his son. But he lacks empathy and has done some abusive things to Julie when she was younger that I didn't know about until she told me and I 100% believe her. They were pretty awful. He says he has no memory of his earlier years. Maybe not. He is mentally ill too. But he isn't getting any help and I can't make him. All in all, he still wants me to be Mommy...the Mommy he didn't listen to when he was six and still won't listen to. And he will still throw a tantrum if Mommy gets him angry, even if it's not on purpose (it is always not on purpose). I can't help him. He won't help himself. The drinking and Xanax combo doesn't help him either. Listening to him being abusive is enabling him. I get scared when he threatens to kill himself, but how can I stop that, even though it chills me to the bone? I can't. Al-Anon, here I come. </p><p></p><p>Time to take care of me <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 591002, member: 1550"] Thank you all. I wish, wish, wish we had an FA out here! Or a Codependents Anonymous anywhere close. Small town area and all we have are the normal AA NA and Al Anons. But we have quite a few of those and I'm going to go! As for Mr. 35, he called last evening and night and I just didn't answer. Hound Dog, you are right. If he goes, he goes. It would bother him more than me in the end, since he barely called me for a ten year period anyway. For me, it would secretly be a relief after the initial shock of not getting 10 phonecalls a day. He doesn't add much to the family...nobody even wants to deal with him but me. It would be him punishing himself, really. He doesn't have friends and doesn't make them easily and, of course, if he perchance did find one, he couldn't treat the friend like he treats me or he'd be back to square one. He has burned all his bridges in the family. I spoke to Julie last night and she told me that when she used to babysit for J. (she did this to make a few bucks w hen she was going to school), 35 would come home and drink and drink (beer). He has graduated to more. She said, and she should know, "Hell, yes!" when I asked her if she thought he could be a functional alcoholic. He has many traits of antisocial personality disorder,a lthough I have no doubt he loves his son. But he lacks empathy and has done some abusive things to Julie when she was younger that I didn't know about until she told me and I 100% believe her. They were pretty awful. He says he has no memory of his earlier years. Maybe not. He is mentally ill too. But he isn't getting any help and I can't make him. All in all, he still wants me to be Mommy...the Mommy he didn't listen to when he was six and still won't listen to. And he will still throw a tantrum if Mommy gets him angry, even if it's not on purpose (it is always not on purpose). I can't help him. He won't help himself. The drinking and Xanax combo doesn't help him either. Listening to him being abusive is enabling him. I get scared when he threatens to kill himself, but how can I stop that, even though it chills me to the bone? I can't. Al-Anon, here I come. Time to take care of me :) [/QUOTE]
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