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It made me cry...Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) son's journal entries
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 363913" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>On the "I never want to grow up" issue - I made a secret deal with myself when I was a kid, to never forget what it felt like to be a kid. I was surrounded by adults who kept telling me things like, "You will understand when you're older," and who I felt treated me in a cavalier way, as if my thoughts and feelings were of no consequence. I couldn't understand how people could be so dismissive of my feelings, I felt it had to be because they were so out of touch with their own memories of childhood. I kept hearing my mother's friends saying things like, "Youth is wasted on the young," and hearing them explain it as "Children these days don't appreciate what they have. Oh, I wish I could go back to the carefree days of childhood!"</p><p></p><p>My childhood never felt carefree at all, I didn't understand what they were talking about. But when I tried to say so, I was laughed at by the adults around me. "You will learn one day," they said. </p><p>I felt tat if life were to get more difficult rather than less, I didn't want to live it. But I thought about it and figured, surely others feel that way too? So why do people put up with adulthood, if their memories of childhood are so much sweeter? I figured it had to be because their minds self-censored all the unpleasant things tey had experienced. So I vowed to never forget.</p><p></p><p>I think I made a good decision. Because although adulthood brought with it responsibilities and the need to put others first a great deal more than we ever would have thought possible in some ways as kids, in other ways as adults we have the right to say no, I don't want to do that. Of course there are consequences, but it is easier as an adult to see those consequences and therefore make an informed decision.</p><p></p><p>A child who feels miserable - never pat them on the head and say, "It's not really that bad, you know. One day you will look back on all this and realise you had it good, really."</p><p>No, be honest. Validate those feelings. Because then the child can stop trying to prove how miserable he or she is, and begin to find the things that still can be enjoyed.</p><p></p><p>I remember a Peanuts cartoon I read when I was a kid. Linus is asking Charlie Brown, "What if you could go back and live your live over?"</p><p>Charlie Brown replies, "You mean - do exactly the same things I've been doing, but knowing what will happen?"</p><p>Linus nods.</p><p>Charlie Brown screams and runs off.</p><p>I always felt I could really understand Charlie Brown and could never get why the adults around me didn't understand that cartoon the way I did.</p><p></p><p>It's miserable being a kid. We often forget just how miserable. It's even more miserable being a kid who is different in any way. I would share with L that it's OK to grow up, but to always keep a part of him in touch with the child he is now, so he can always identify with the children in his world and know how they are likely to be feeling.</p><p></p><p>Poor darling - I do get it.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 363913, member: 1991"] On the "I never want to grow up" issue - I made a secret deal with myself when I was a kid, to never forget what it felt like to be a kid. I was surrounded by adults who kept telling me things like, "You will understand when you're older," and who I felt treated me in a cavalier way, as if my thoughts and feelings were of no consequence. I couldn't understand how people could be so dismissive of my feelings, I felt it had to be because they were so out of touch with their own memories of childhood. I kept hearing my mother's friends saying things like, "Youth is wasted on the young," and hearing them explain it as "Children these days don't appreciate what they have. Oh, I wish I could go back to the carefree days of childhood!" My childhood never felt carefree at all, I didn't understand what they were talking about. But when I tried to say so, I was laughed at by the adults around me. "You will learn one day," they said. I felt tat if life were to get more difficult rather than less, I didn't want to live it. But I thought about it and figured, surely others feel that way too? So why do people put up with adulthood, if their memories of childhood are so much sweeter? I figured it had to be because their minds self-censored all the unpleasant things tey had experienced. So I vowed to never forget. I think I made a good decision. Because although adulthood brought with it responsibilities and the need to put others first a great deal more than we ever would have thought possible in some ways as kids, in other ways as adults we have the right to say no, I don't want to do that. Of course there are consequences, but it is easier as an adult to see those consequences and therefore make an informed decision. A child who feels miserable - never pat them on the head and say, "It's not really that bad, you know. One day you will look back on all this and realise you had it good, really." No, be honest. Validate those feelings. Because then the child can stop trying to prove how miserable he or she is, and begin to find the things that still can be enjoyed. I remember a Peanuts cartoon I read when I was a kid. Linus is asking Charlie Brown, "What if you could go back and live your live over?" Charlie Brown replies, "You mean - do exactly the same things I've been doing, but knowing what will happen?" Linus nods. Charlie Brown screams and runs off. I always felt I could really understand Charlie Brown and could never get why the adults around me didn't understand that cartoon the way I did. It's miserable being a kid. We often forget just how miserable. It's even more miserable being a kid who is different in any way. I would share with L that it's OK to grow up, but to always keep a part of him in touch with the child he is now, so he can always identify with the children in his world and know how they are likely to be feeling. Poor darling - I do get it. Marg [/QUOTE]
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It made me cry...Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) son's journal entries
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