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Parent Emeritus
It still hurts......He's my blood.
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<blockquote data-quote="blackgnat" data-source="post: 599569" data-attributes="member: 13561"><p>1000 Sunsets-I feel your pain. Like everyone on this board, I am going through a hellish process of letting go of my son, who has caused me and my family so much pain with his actions.</p><p></p><p>I'm not at the point where I can say I have detached. I'm working on it, but for me it has taken the decision to distance myself (by 1,000 miles!) from him because that's the only way I feel I can get out of this nightmarish web, whereby I am constantly taking on his problems and emotions. All the time that I've been on the rack, I've come to realize that he is only using me to have his needs met.</p><p></p><p>I have gone beyond what any sane person would consider the call of duty. As we all have. I've been embarrassed many times to admit to friends and family (and people on this board) the lengths I've gone to in order to "help" him. It never really helped, just kept him infantilized. Reinforcing the learned helplessness.</p><p></p><p>I know there are a lot of "I" statements in here. My intention is not to hijack your thread or make it all about me, just to let you know that I understand how tortured and confused you are and that I have been (and still am) right there where you are.</p><p></p><p>To echo the other posters, read everything you can on these boards from the people who have had so much more experience than newbies like you and I. Their wisdom is truly invaluable.</p><p></p><p>Strength and courage to you and to us all.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="blackgnat, post: 599569, member: 13561"] 1000 Sunsets-I feel your pain. Like everyone on this board, I am going through a hellish process of letting go of my son, who has caused me and my family so much pain with his actions. I'm not at the point where I can say I have detached. I'm working on it, but for me it has taken the decision to distance myself (by 1,000 miles!) from him because that's the only way I feel I can get out of this nightmarish web, whereby I am constantly taking on his problems and emotions. All the time that I've been on the rack, I've come to realize that he is only using me to have his needs met. I have gone beyond what any sane person would consider the call of duty. As we all have. I've been embarrassed many times to admit to friends and family (and people on this board) the lengths I've gone to in order to "help" him. It never really helped, just kept him infantilized. Reinforcing the learned helplessness. I know there are a lot of "I" statements in here. My intention is not to hijack your thread or make it all about me, just to let you know that I understand how tortured and confused you are and that I have been (and still am) right there where you are. To echo the other posters, read everything you can on these boards from the people who have had so much more experience than newbies like you and I. Their wisdom is truly invaluable. Strength and courage to you and to us all. [/QUOTE]
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It still hurts......He's my blood.
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