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It was UGLY...
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<blockquote data-quote="rejectedmom" data-source="post: 503966" data-attributes="member: 2315"><p>Buddy, Sorry I am coming in a late here. I took a couple of days off from the board. </p><p></p><p>I am so sorry your dealing with this garbage and I have been in your shoes. It seems that as our difficult child's get older the SD's become less and less tolerant of their behaviors. To the adminisration our difficult child's are no longer "cute" little kids with problems they are near adults with troubling behaviors. It is not fair, it is not right but it is a fact of life. </p><p></p><p>My difficult child was a victim of zero tolerance. He traded his video games with a boy for a BB gun. He knew we would not allow him to own a BB gun so he hid it in his back pack and took it to school. He never took it out of his pack. He never threatened anyone with it. Unfortunately another student saw it in the pack and told on him. My son was expelled, a comprehensive evaluation by the school psycologist was ordered. He labled as my son as Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) and painted a very black future for him. Juvie was called in and my son was now on record and had a PO and was sent to an alternative school. His teachers were in tears saying what a good polite kid my son was etc. They did not agree with what happened to him. </p><p></p><p>The thing is it was not the police who went after him They were willing to let it go. It was the school principal who decided he should make an example of difficult child. difficult child had only been back to the public schools for 6 weeks at that time after being taken out in the third grade and sent to private school.</p><p></p><p>Lucky for us the alternative school was a good school with small classes, whole class teaching, and very decidated teachers. It was the kind of educational environment my difficult child could thrive in. Without that I sincerely doubt my son would have ever gotten a HS diploma. </p><p></p><p>The down side was that difficult child met other troubled kids at that school and being easily led he got into alot of trouble from there on out. I do think he might have used drugs and most likely would have shoplifted even if he didn't go to that school (he never could resist things he wanted but that didn't belong to him due to no impulse control). Never the less I believe being in that setting and hanging with other troubled kids sped things up and made it cool to be baad.</p><p></p><p>Home schooling was out of the question for me. difficult child had no respect for me and would not learn from me. I could have sent him back to the private school he had been in before but It had just been involved in a huge scandal and lost it accreditation. The founder had forged his crdentials The teachers had formed a colition and were trying to gain control of the school and the funding so the future of that school was uncertain. Also difficult child would have had to take the GED for a diploma since theier's was not recognized. I knew difficult child most likely would not pass a GED test because of his concentration problems so I let him go to the alternative school. I also could have fought the placement on the basis that his behavior was a manifestation of his diagnosis and might have won but I knew the principal was gunning for my son and would eventually find a reason to get rid of him anyway. </p><p></p><p>As parents of challenging children we are often faced with very difficult decisions that more times than not are a choice between the worse of two evils. Fair and "right" doesn't even factor in when it comes to the beauracricies we are forced to deal with. That said I do have concerns for you.</p><p></p><p>If you do homebound schooling you will not have a break from Q. You are already showing signs of exhaustion. How will you manage? It is too easy as a mother to sacrifice ourselves for our children. At some point we do have to factor ourselves back into the equation. </p><p></p><p>Q is 15. In my state they can only stay in the schools till 20 no matter how handicapped and at 18 they go to the closed SP ED setting anyway. I think to make your decision as to how hard you are going to fight a principal and teachers that have it against your child, you must take a very realistic look at what the best possible future is for Q given his disabilities. If in the grand scheme of things little will change in his future if goes to the alternative placement then sending him there to preserve your health and sanity is an OK thing to do. </p><p></p><p>I am sending you many hugs and lots of support. I am all choked up as I type this. I know what it is like to have your child persuecuted because of behaviors he cannot control. I wish there were more autism villiges around and that they didn't cost so much. There is one in Montgomery County MD I read about a few years back. Check it out and see what you think. Being an educator, maybe you could get a grant to start something similar by you...</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="rejectedmom, post: 503966, member: 2315"] Buddy, Sorry I am coming in a late here. I took a couple of days off from the board. I am so sorry your dealing with this garbage and I have been in your shoes. It seems that as our difficult child's get older the SD's become less and less tolerant of their behaviors. To the adminisration our difficult child's are no longer "cute" little kids with problems they are near adults with troubling behaviors. It is not fair, it is not right but it is a fact of life. My difficult child was a victim of zero tolerance. He traded his video games with a boy for a BB gun. He knew we would not allow him to own a BB gun so he hid it in his back pack and took it to school. He never took it out of his pack. He never threatened anyone with it. Unfortunately another student saw it in the pack and told on him. My son was expelled, a comprehensive evaluation by the school psycologist was ordered. He labled as my son as Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) and painted a very black future for him. Juvie was called in and my son was now on record and had a PO and was sent to an alternative school. His teachers were in tears saying what a good polite kid my son was etc. They did not agree with what happened to him. The thing is it was not the police who went after him They were willing to let it go. It was the school principal who decided he should make an example of difficult child. difficult child had only been back to the public schools for 6 weeks at that time after being taken out in the third grade and sent to private school. Lucky for us the alternative school was a good school with small classes, whole class teaching, and very decidated teachers. It was the kind of educational environment my difficult child could thrive in. Without that I sincerely doubt my son would have ever gotten a HS diploma. The down side was that difficult child met other troubled kids at that school and being easily led he got into alot of trouble from there on out. I do think he might have used drugs and most likely would have shoplifted even if he didn't go to that school (he never could resist things he wanted but that didn't belong to him due to no impulse control). Never the less I believe being in that setting and hanging with other troubled kids sped things up and made it cool to be baad. Home schooling was out of the question for me. difficult child had no respect for me and would not learn from me. I could have sent him back to the private school he had been in before but It had just been involved in a huge scandal and lost it accreditation. The founder had forged his crdentials The teachers had formed a colition and were trying to gain control of the school and the funding so the future of that school was uncertain. Also difficult child would have had to take the GED for a diploma since theier's was not recognized. I knew difficult child most likely would not pass a GED test because of his concentration problems so I let him go to the alternative school. I also could have fought the placement on the basis that his behavior was a manifestation of his diagnosis and might have won but I knew the principal was gunning for my son and would eventually find a reason to get rid of him anyway. As parents of challenging children we are often faced with very difficult decisions that more times than not are a choice between the worse of two evils. Fair and "right" doesn't even factor in when it comes to the beauracricies we are forced to deal with. That said I do have concerns for you. If you do homebound schooling you will not have a break from Q. You are already showing signs of exhaustion. How will you manage? It is too easy as a mother to sacrifice ourselves for our children. At some point we do have to factor ourselves back into the equation. Q is 15. In my state they can only stay in the schools till 20 no matter how handicapped and at 18 they go to the closed SP ED setting anyway. I think to make your decision as to how hard you are going to fight a principal and teachers that have it against your child, you must take a very realistic look at what the best possible future is for Q given his disabilities. If in the grand scheme of things little will change in his future if goes to the alternative placement then sending him there to preserve your health and sanity is an OK thing to do. I am sending you many hugs and lots of support. I am all choked up as I type this. I know what it is like to have your child persuecuted because of behaviors he cannot control. I wish there were more autism villiges around and that they didn't cost so much. There is one in Montgomery County MD I read about a few years back. Check it out and see what you think. Being an educator, maybe you could get a grant to start something similar by you... [/QUOTE]
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