it's been a while ....
- Thread starter addie
- Start date
Since you asked ... I am OK now. I believe I did have a breakdown, unfortunately while in the UK with nonogenarian relatives. I just KNEW I could not go for a drive with them around Beachy Head, a well-known suicide spot. The desire to end it all, the fear that I would and could, the crying non-stop, the paranoia, depression, self-worth at bottom-feeding-scum level, the insanity and madness ... it passed.
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Thanks for asking!
I will not foster teens any more - got 'burned out' with them, though none were as bad as my own kids - lol! So I start younger and have managed to get three and sometimes four 11-12 yos. I hope I will have been able to 'get my claws' into them, or 'make my mark' on them, before they become teens. It's really nice that it's not a revolving door any more, but when you come in out of the fire I think you can feel chilled .,.. or in my case, just a bit bored at times. I need to get used to that.
But .... hmmmm, I ponder ... what shall I do next? Or what else can I do?
'Nuff about me:
Witzend and tiredmommy, I remember you well.
Ant'smom, congrats on Ant! Who'da thunk it!
And Susiestar - congratulations on Brandon/Wiz - sad he's not with you, but I (do I ever!) understand.
Dammit Janet - congrats on BOTH boys! Animal control folks are my heros.
Lothlorien ... I never knew where your board name came from - nor Junkro when that was it ... literary reference? (Yes, as above - still fostering. Trapped now with these three, until they are 16 or 18, IF I can keep them on the straight and narrow - BIG if.)
I should comment that:
"Summer" is diagnosis-ed FASD, bipolar and Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). She is explosive. I got her off all medications (I don't accept the dxes) except Topomax for anxiety. I believe her to have a personality disorder. Tonight I had to get the police to take her to a group home for the night. Adoptee.
"Ditz" has an overactive cyngulate gyrus which makes her get 'stuck' in cold, destructive, violent rages ... but I love her to bits. She is controlled by a large amount of Seroquel, and (I forget it's name) the newest slow release form of ritalin. ODD would be the closest diagnosis.
"Tammy" is very low functioning ... hard to have a specific diagnosis for that and the accompanying behaviours ... she is on Adderal XR (day) and small amount of seroquel at night to stop the night wandering with sticky fingers. In a DS class.
Anyway:
Daisylover - congrats on your former/no-longer difficult children!
Hello again, Judi.
Fran, I got offloaded in Charlotte once, and loved it. Gorgeous museum of/with glass. But coming from Canada, those pics of revolvers on doors, with red bars across them .... OMG!!!!! (They need those in my home country - Northern Ireland.)
Esther .... I have never, ever forgotten you, and use your name oh so often when speaking with less experienced f/parents coping with encopresis. I have some theories about it ... perhaps we can discuss those some time.
Goldenguru - I remember you well, and congrats to your daughter!
Steph ... oh dear, the thought of Sabrina as a pre-teen and then a teen ..... GOOD LUCK!
Suz - yes, I knew about you and your former husband, but Rob!!! Another huge who'da thunk it!!!!! Respect! Wow. Did NOT see that coming.
Slsh .... I am so sorry; difficult child still a difficult child. Sigh. One does somehow hang in.
Katmom - your difficult child is sounding good!
And so to Star:
Well. The tree ... originally it was not planted for Jess; it was planted for a f/child I cared oh so deeply about; I saw her through so much, including a jury trial of her step dad for sexual abuse of her from age 7-12. Her mother stood by the step-dad. Her name, which I did not give at the time, was Jen.
And I think the three branches is oh so appropriate as she has, since we lost touch with her about 5 years ago, popped back into my life around 3 times. I had her housesit once (not the best idea); she has turned up delivering my mail; she served me coffee once.
And YOU HAVE AN ORANGE TRACTOR??????? NOT fair. I didn't mind the pink as that is not my colour, but orange IS. I'll swop you the boring dark green JD?
No, I don't smoke any more. Nor do I sing any more (actually, never did.) Had a lesion on my vocal chords removed a few years back - yes, bit if a big C scare but it was OK ... except I was not allowed to talk for 10 days. Now THAT was hades!
And I see you using the term ASPD which of course is what my Jess is now, since she's over 18. Funny - an ABSOLUTE resistance to ANY form of authority. Is it fear? Who knows.
And I wanted to add ... way to go, re reunion with the scary monster! That took a LOT of courage. And way to go Dude too - though I love toads.
I'm sorry DF still has all his aches and pains. Warm thoughts.
It's good to be back in the 'family'.
addie
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Thanks for asking!
I will not foster teens any more - got 'burned out' with them, though none were as bad as my own kids - lol! So I start younger and have managed to get three and sometimes four 11-12 yos. I hope I will have been able to 'get my claws' into them, or 'make my mark' on them, before they become teens. It's really nice that it's not a revolving door any more, but when you come in out of the fire I think you can feel chilled .,.. or in my case, just a bit bored at times. I need to get used to that.
But .... hmmmm, I ponder ... what shall I do next? Or what else can I do?
'Nuff about me:
Witzend and tiredmommy, I remember you well.
Ant'smom, congrats on Ant! Who'da thunk it!
And Susiestar - congratulations on Brandon/Wiz - sad he's not with you, but I (do I ever!) understand.
Dammit Janet - congrats on BOTH boys! Animal control folks are my heros.
Lothlorien ... I never knew where your board name came from - nor Junkro when that was it ... literary reference? (Yes, as above - still fostering. Trapped now with these three, until they are 16 or 18, IF I can keep them on the straight and narrow - BIG if.)
I should comment that:
"Summer" is diagnosis-ed FASD, bipolar and Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). She is explosive. I got her off all medications (I don't accept the dxes) except Topomax for anxiety. I believe her to have a personality disorder. Tonight I had to get the police to take her to a group home for the night. Adoptee.
"Ditz" has an overactive cyngulate gyrus which makes her get 'stuck' in cold, destructive, violent rages ... but I love her to bits. She is controlled by a large amount of Seroquel, and (I forget it's name) the newest slow release form of ritalin. ODD would be the closest diagnosis.
"Tammy" is very low functioning ... hard to have a specific diagnosis for that and the accompanying behaviours ... she is on Adderal XR (day) and small amount of seroquel at night to stop the night wandering with sticky fingers. In a DS class.
Anyway:
Daisylover - congrats on your former/no-longer difficult children!
Hello again, Judi.
Fran, I got offloaded in Charlotte once, and loved it. Gorgeous museum of/with glass. But coming from Canada, those pics of revolvers on doors, with red bars across them .... OMG!!!!! (They need those in my home country - Northern Ireland.)
Esther .... I have never, ever forgotten you, and use your name oh so often when speaking with less experienced f/parents coping with encopresis. I have some theories about it ... perhaps we can discuss those some time.
Goldenguru - I remember you well, and congrats to your daughter!
Steph ... oh dear, the thought of Sabrina as a pre-teen and then a teen ..... GOOD LUCK!
Suz - yes, I knew about you and your former husband, but Rob!!! Another huge who'da thunk it!!!!! Respect! Wow. Did NOT see that coming.
Slsh .... I am so sorry; difficult child still a difficult child. Sigh. One does somehow hang in.
Katmom - your difficult child is sounding good!
And so to Star:
Well. The tree ... originally it was not planted for Jess; it was planted for a f/child I cared oh so deeply about; I saw her through so much, including a jury trial of her step dad for sexual abuse of her from age 7-12. Her mother stood by the step-dad. Her name, which I did not give at the time, was Jen.
And I think the three branches is oh so appropriate as she has, since we lost touch with her about 5 years ago, popped back into my life around 3 times. I had her housesit once (not the best idea); she has turned up delivering my mail; she served me coffee once.
And YOU HAVE AN ORANGE TRACTOR??????? NOT fair. I didn't mind the pink as that is not my colour, but orange IS. I'll swop you the boring dark green JD?
No, I don't smoke any more. Nor do I sing any more (actually, never did.) Had a lesion on my vocal chords removed a few years back - yes, bit if a big C scare but it was OK ... except I was not allowed to talk for 10 days. Now THAT was hades!
And I see you using the term ASPD which of course is what my Jess is now, since she's over 18. Funny - an ABSOLUTE resistance to ANY form of authority. Is it fear? Who knows.
And I wanted to add ... way to go, re reunion with the scary monster! That took a LOT of courage. And way to go Dude too - though I love toads.
I'm sorry DF still has all his aches and pains. Warm thoughts.
It's good to be back in the 'family'.
addie
WhymeMom?
No real answers to life..
Hi, addie, sorry I'm late to the party, but just read this. Don't know if you remember me or not since I was a lurker for several years, then finally decided to offer my sage? advice......... My son is presently in prison and will be there for another 3-4 years...... not a violent guy, but is a common thief...... he has a one year old son with a woman I just met in March. She seems to be supporting him during his jail time....... He has started writing to us, but I am detached enough to know he still needs to make some big changes in his life.
I do remember some of your story and I'm sorry to hear things aren't exactly "hunky dory" but there are strange twists in life so I try not to lose hope that things can improve........ welcome back.
I do remember some of your story and I'm sorry to hear things aren't exactly "hunky dory" but there are strange twists in life so I try not to lose hope that things can improve........ welcome back.
DDD
Well-Known Member
I've wondered about you often myself...and wondered if you still come to Florida to vacation. It's great to see you back and I'm happy to read that David is hanging on to his easy child status. Should I guess that he is pursuing a career in the arts??
These past five years have been rough. Our much loved easy child/difficult child fell from a third story balcony on his head in '05. Brain surgery saved his life and with the help of bombarding prayers, the Lord allowed him to relearn how to walk, talk and care for himself. He does have Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) symptoms including short term memory loss, executive function loss etc. and although he has dropped drugs, he is an alcoholic.
Phew/Whew!
difficult child is graduating with a regular diploma next month from the high school. He moved back with his Mom (not the best choice) this fall. Time will tell.
I'm eager to read your update and very happy that you are now happier. Welcome back. DDD
These past five years have been rough. Our much loved easy child/difficult child fell from a third story balcony on his head in '05. Brain surgery saved his life and with the help of bombarding prayers, the Lord allowed him to relearn how to walk, talk and care for himself. He does have Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) symptoms including short term memory loss, executive function loss etc. and although he has dropped drugs, he is an alcoholic.
Phew/Whew!
difficult child is graduating with a regular diploma next month from the high school. He moved back with his Mom (not the best choice) this fall. Time will tell.
I'm eager to read your update and very happy that you are now happier. Welcome back. DDD
donna723
Well-Known Member
Hi Addie! I don't know if you'll remember me, but I remember you well, with your crew of adopteds and fosters. I don't remember any controversy but I do remember that you were very kind to me in your posts and I've wondered many times how you were and how things were going for you. It sounds like you've been through some really rough times and I pray that things get better for you soon.
As for us, my son survived the worst (and shortest) marriage in history and is now doing really well, although not looking to get married again any time soon. He's finally written off his father for good and is much better off for it. He's healing. And my daughter (never wrote about her much) is happy as a clam! She's married to a great guy and after many years of trying and making the rounds of the doctors, is due to give birth to a baby boy in four weeks ... or maybe one or two weeks ... or maybe later on today! Up in the air right now but he seems anxious to get on with it!
Addie, I hope you'll stick around. I missed you.
As for us, my son survived the worst (and shortest) marriage in history and is now doing really well, although not looking to get married again any time soon. He's finally written off his father for good and is much better off for it. He's healing. And my daughter (never wrote about her much) is happy as a clam! She's married to a great guy and after many years of trying and making the rounds of the doctors, is due to give birth to a baby boy in four weeks ... or maybe one or two weeks ... or maybe later on today! Up in the air right now but he seems anxious to get on with it!
Addie, I hope you'll stick around. I missed you.
rejectedmom
New Member
Hello Addie, I think I was on a short board break when you left. I do remember your daughter Chrissie and her riding and how she loved it and your hope that she might continue on with it. I am sorry for all the pain you have been through.
I too had my adopted child attack me. I too had the police charge him with a felony assalt. It hurt like nothing I have ever experienced to have that happen. But like you I survived it and am so much stronger and a much better person for all of it.
difficult child went to jail and then to a residential facility which he ran away from and then back to jail and then to a community based program and a group home which he dropped out of and lived on the streets for about three months untill the PO had him put back in jail. The last stint was for 8 months until a bed opened up in yet another Group home. He has to stay there and in the program for 18 months or he will be violated again. So his 18 months has dragged out into three years. But for now he is doing well ( maybe three's the charm) He joined the local fire department and is hoping to go to fireman's college and get a paying job. He is staying on his medications and off the drugs and alcohol after one initial slip. He goes to daily AA meetings and has a good sponsor. He has alot of debt that he isn't doing well on paying back. Partly because he isn't motivated and partly because he doesn't have a job (doctor's advice) only cash assistance. He asks us for very little and appreciates what we do for him. He will be 22 next month. He is respectful but has not forgiven himself for what he did to me. Until he does I have concerns for him but for now he is doing well and I treasure it.
I became a Reiki master and an ordained minister (the latter so I can open a Reiki practice.) It gives me alot of peace. I am still fighting to get my physical health back. I am alot better but still have a way to go. I was blessed with a new grandchild in November by my second daughter making it 3 total now. We continue to work on the houses but have accepted that we may not ever finish all the projects. We are thinking about selling the Victorian and moving out to the beach cottage. The market is very bad so we haven't made a final decision on that yet.
I no longer am consumed with difficult child stuff. As a matter fact I avoid it as much as possible. I have finally learned that it is their "stuff" not mine and I just detach. I now take the time to have fun and I am no longer a borderline reclusive. I have joined several local groups and am thinking of becoming a museum docent.
easy child 2 is still living at home and has developed a drinking problem of sorts. He is a functional alcholic holds a regular job pays rent and is always respectful. But it bothers me to see him abuse his body after I fought so hard for his health as a child. So for that reason and because it is time for us to experience an empty nest husband and I have told him to begin looking for his own apartment. I do worry about him but I know that unless we put him out on his own he will not change. I think when he has little money for the booze he will slow down or even stop. He is avery high functioning Aspie so for him things are very literal. If he can't afford to drink I think he might stop,at least I hope so. As they say "the doing is the proof". We'll see.
Right now my life is as good as it can get for me. Sure I have lowered my expectations but that has given me alot of peace. I too wonder where I go from here. -RM
I too had my adopted child attack me. I too had the police charge him with a felony assalt. It hurt like nothing I have ever experienced to have that happen. But like you I survived it and am so much stronger and a much better person for all of it.
difficult child went to jail and then to a residential facility which he ran away from and then back to jail and then to a community based program and a group home which he dropped out of and lived on the streets for about three months untill the PO had him put back in jail. The last stint was for 8 months until a bed opened up in yet another Group home. He has to stay there and in the program for 18 months or he will be violated again. So his 18 months has dragged out into three years. But for now he is doing well ( maybe three's the charm) He joined the local fire department and is hoping to go to fireman's college and get a paying job. He is staying on his medications and off the drugs and alcohol after one initial slip. He goes to daily AA meetings and has a good sponsor. He has alot of debt that he isn't doing well on paying back. Partly because he isn't motivated and partly because he doesn't have a job (doctor's advice) only cash assistance. He asks us for very little and appreciates what we do for him. He will be 22 next month. He is respectful but has not forgiven himself for what he did to me. Until he does I have concerns for him but for now he is doing well and I treasure it.
I became a Reiki master and an ordained minister (the latter so I can open a Reiki practice.) It gives me alot of peace. I am still fighting to get my physical health back. I am alot better but still have a way to go. I was blessed with a new grandchild in November by my second daughter making it 3 total now. We continue to work on the houses but have accepted that we may not ever finish all the projects. We are thinking about selling the Victorian and moving out to the beach cottage. The market is very bad so we haven't made a final decision on that yet.
I no longer am consumed with difficult child stuff. As a matter fact I avoid it as much as possible. I have finally learned that it is their "stuff" not mine and I just detach. I now take the time to have fun and I am no longer a borderline reclusive. I have joined several local groups and am thinking of becoming a museum docent.
easy child 2 is still living at home and has developed a drinking problem of sorts. He is a functional alcholic holds a regular job pays rent and is always respectful. But it bothers me to see him abuse his body after I fought so hard for his health as a child. So for that reason and because it is time for us to experience an empty nest husband and I have told him to begin looking for his own apartment. I do worry about him but I know that unless we put him out on his own he will not change. I think when he has little money for the booze he will slow down or even stop. He is avery high functioning Aspie so for him things are very literal. If he can't afford to drink I think he might stop,at least I hope so. As they say "the doing is the proof". We'll see.
Right now my life is as good as it can get for me. Sure I have lowered my expectations but that has given me alot of peace. I too wonder where I go from here. -RM
svengandhi
Well-Known Member
I think I remember you from years ago. I also left the Board quite awhile ago under checkered ciircumstances. I offended an old time board member while venting about non-difficult child issues and that made me realize that I had other things to deal with and my kids took a back seat for awhile. I came back with a new name because I can't remember my old one and a new email because my old one expired when I left my last job.
Fortunately, while I was distracted, my most difficult child child has turned into my most perfect - honor student, top classes, almost an Eagle Scout. I come here still because there is something comforting about it and as long as I don't let certain things trigger me, it's cool.
I remember you live in Canada and had a son (I think his name is David because I have a David also) and several foster and adopted daughters with various issues. Was that you?
Anyway, I just wanted to say hi from one self-proclaimed outcast to another.
Fortunately, while I was distracted, my most difficult child child has turned into my most perfect - honor student, top classes, almost an Eagle Scout. I come here still because there is something comforting about it and as long as I don't let certain things trigger me, it's cool.
I remember you live in Canada and had a son (I think his name is David because I have a David also) and several foster and adopted daughters with various issues. Was that you?
Anyway, I just wanted to say hi from one self-proclaimed outcast to another.
