Hopeful97
Active Member
It's been a while since I have posted anything or talked with anyone on this site. It has been a long journey thus far..... my son has been in and out of jail several times in addition to the times I talked about previously. We had no choice but to make him leave at 18 years old because of threats, violence, many break ins and the company he was and is still keeping..... you can read my previous posts for further history but you probably can fill in the blanks pretty easily.....at least those that have been on this type of journey for a while. My son will be 20 in 6 months, he is a wanted felon (3 felonies that we know of). He has fathered at least 1 child that we know of... this is allegedly his 1st child which would be our 1st grandchild. We recently saw the mother of this child at a local store and talked with her (she has a reputation not much better than our son). At any rate..... my son was/is running from his warrants, but managed to be around when our first granddaughter was born. This was approximately 6 weeks ago. When we ran into the mother, we were able to have a "normal" conversation with her and were able to arrange to meet our granddaughter at a "nuetral" location. Since I joined this forum approximately 2 years ago (around the time we made our son leave our home) we have been through many more trials that I cannot explain. We want, very much, to be a part of our granddaughters life but it has to be without our son around when we see her. You see, since our granddaughter was born February 8, 2017 our son has gotten worse (which we both believed was not possible). He is involved with some very scary people. Our local police department has an extra watch on our home. He has been out of jail since the first part of January and never reported to his PO, thus the warrants. The charges we know of for this current warrant for not reporting to his PO are: two 2nd degree burgarlies, receiving stolen property and property damage. Most of the police know us by name and have been very helpful. Our son broke into our home for the umteenth time approx., 1 month after he was released and ordered to report to his PO for 5 years probation. By the way our granddaughter is beautiful, her mother says she wants us to be a part of her life but we have to tread lightly because like I said the mother is almost as bad as our son and we do not want our granddaughter being used as a pawn....we realize we may get really attached (we already are) but may have to back off and let the mother know (either we are a part of our granddaughter's life or not). Okay, I jumped all over but hopefully you can somewhat follow what I am saying. Like I said it's been a long time since I've been here to talk to others in similar situations.
I saw yesterday on my newsfeed on facebook that my son saw his daughter so I went to his facebook page today to pull some of the new pictures off of his page. I was not surprised at what I saw, just saddened and kinda fearful. I have seen my son do drug deals on facebook and sell stolen property on facebook, the local police are fully aware (maybe they are building a case.... who knows..... our local police are great it seems to be the judicial system that is screwed up). There were pictures of my son and his buddy on facebook with guns, masked up and talking about robbing people...... I am not using this as an excuse or scapegoat, because my son knows he can control or be better with medicine. He has several mental health diagnoses and by now I am sure is an addict (of what I am not sure..... some of it probably self medicating) He knows from several years before 18 years old that medicine helps. He is also extremely narcissistic, nothing like I have ever seen or read about before and believe me I have done a tremendous amount of research and reading into most mental illnesses, addictions.....etc.... He plain.....does not think there is anything wrong with his lifestyle. These pictures with guns and talk about masking up and robbing people and places is very scary. I do not want to end up one of those parents that is shot and killed by their son because I, in his opinion, did or did not do something...... or in any shape or form hurt my granddaughter. The current plan is to go to the local police department in the morning and speak with the Chief tell him once again what is going on and can they step up patrol.
With all of this said, I recently became aware of an organization called KAIROS. You can look it up online. The give 2 free retreats a year for women that are affected in someway by a friend, family member, etc.... that is or has been incarcerated. I have talked with this organization and some of the representatives and volunteers and I cannot wait to attend this upcoming retreat. If you think that it is not in your area, if you contact someone they can help you get to a seminar close to you. Just wanted to put this out there in the hopes that it will help someone.
Also, when I first came to this site..... after several conversations and promptings and/or suggestions to try an Al-Anon meeting..... I finally went to a meeting and had to go to several, as suggested in the meetings. I an only testify that God led me to this website when things were getting unbearable which in turn led me to Al-Anon (I am now part of a team that goes to rehab facilities and talks with the loved ones of the ones in trouble about Al-Anon...... it is a very good feeling when you can help someone (like myself) in these sad situations begin to recover..... if you read and research enough you will know what mean by recovery. I hear all the time from my sister and also from a very close friend that they finally have their "sister, friend" back. I am scared and not scared of my son in this "gun violence... whatever you want call it....state of mind" just extremely saddened.
I don't want to keep going, because I could go on and on and on.......I hope this helps someone.... please pray that we will be able to be a constant, continuing positive influence in our granddaughter's life (she is just manipulative and self centered as he is). Wow what a balancing act this is going to be.....
Thank you for listening and thank you for your feedback.
Huge Hugs, Hopeful97
I saw yesterday on my newsfeed on facebook that my son saw his daughter so I went to his facebook page today to pull some of the new pictures off of his page. I was not surprised at what I saw, just saddened and kinda fearful. I have seen my son do drug deals on facebook and sell stolen property on facebook, the local police are fully aware (maybe they are building a case.... who knows..... our local police are great it seems to be the judicial system that is screwed up). There were pictures of my son and his buddy on facebook with guns, masked up and talking about robbing people...... I am not using this as an excuse or scapegoat, because my son knows he can control or be better with medicine. He has several mental health diagnoses and by now I am sure is an addict (of what I am not sure..... some of it probably self medicating) He knows from several years before 18 years old that medicine helps. He is also extremely narcissistic, nothing like I have ever seen or read about before and believe me I have done a tremendous amount of research and reading into most mental illnesses, addictions.....etc.... He plain.....does not think there is anything wrong with his lifestyle. These pictures with guns and talk about masking up and robbing people and places is very scary. I do not want to end up one of those parents that is shot and killed by their son because I, in his opinion, did or did not do something...... or in any shape or form hurt my granddaughter. The current plan is to go to the local police department in the morning and speak with the Chief tell him once again what is going on and can they step up patrol.
With all of this said, I recently became aware of an organization called KAIROS. You can look it up online. The give 2 free retreats a year for women that are affected in someway by a friend, family member, etc.... that is or has been incarcerated. I have talked with this organization and some of the representatives and volunteers and I cannot wait to attend this upcoming retreat. If you think that it is not in your area, if you contact someone they can help you get to a seminar close to you. Just wanted to put this out there in the hopes that it will help someone.
Also, when I first came to this site..... after several conversations and promptings and/or suggestions to try an Al-Anon meeting..... I finally went to a meeting and had to go to several, as suggested in the meetings. I an only testify that God led me to this website when things were getting unbearable which in turn led me to Al-Anon (I am now part of a team that goes to rehab facilities and talks with the loved ones of the ones in trouble about Al-Anon...... it is a very good feeling when you can help someone (like myself) in these sad situations begin to recover..... if you read and research enough you will know what mean by recovery. I hear all the time from my sister and also from a very close friend that they finally have their "sister, friend" back. I am scared and not scared of my son in this "gun violence... whatever you want call it....state of mind" just extremely saddened.
I don't want to keep going, because I could go on and on and on.......I hope this helps someone.... please pray that we will be able to be a constant, continuing positive influence in our granddaughter's life (she is just manipulative and self centered as he is). Wow what a balancing act this is going to be.....
Thank you for listening and thank you for your feedback.
Huge Hugs, Hopeful97