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<blockquote data-quote="Suz" data-source="post: 256799" data-attributes="member: 29"><p>Hi Ally,</p><p> </p><p>I think GG's advice about separating your feelings about the person versus the behaviors is critical as a first step. </p><p> </p><p>And I also needed to commit to trying to do a better job of communicating with Rob myself. </p><p> </p><p>That was so difficult for me. I got so tired of always nagging Rob that I had to force myself to stop. I had to teach myself how to talk to him differently and I had to teach him what I would and wouldn't accept in any kind of interaction with me. </p><p> </p><p>Take a look at this thread from our archives. It was instrumental in re-establishing our relationship.</p><p> </p><p><a href="http://www.conductdisorders.com/forum/showthread.php?t=685" target="_blank">http://www.conductdisorders.com/forum/showthread.php?t=685</a></p><p> </p><p>Caller ID also helped me immensely for the longest time. If you don't have it I would strongly urge you to sign up for it. I admit that some times when I didn't think <u><em>I</em></u> could behave the "right" way, I just didn't answer the phone when he called. I figured that no matter how old our kids are, we are still supposed to be role models and take the lead on this. You have to be honest with yourself and sometimes you won't like the answer you give yourself about your own behavior <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/bag.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":bag:" title="bag :bag:" data-shortname=":bag:" /> .</p><p> </p><p>If he got out of control on a call I would give him one warning- "Rob, if you can't talk to me with respect, I will hang up the phone."</p><p> </p><p>And if his diatribe continued, I would say, "Rob, I am hanging up now. I will be happy to talk to you when you can control yourself." And I would hang up. </p><p> </p><p>If it was a face to face visit and he got disrespectful I'd say the same thing.....that if he couldn't get himself in control that I was leaving...and I'd leave. </p><p> </p><p>Slowly but surely he learned to talk and act differently and I learned to talk and act differently. This has progressed over a period of several years now. It is not a quick fix. But it is worth it.</p><p> </p><p>Hugs to you,</p><p>Suz</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Suz, post: 256799, member: 29"] Hi Ally, I think GG's advice about separating your feelings about the person versus the behaviors is critical as a first step. And I also needed to commit to trying to do a better job of communicating with Rob myself. That was so difficult for me. I got so tired of always nagging Rob that I had to force myself to stop. I had to teach myself how to talk to him differently and I had to teach him what I would and wouldn't accept in any kind of interaction with me. Take a look at this thread from our archives. It was instrumental in re-establishing our relationship. [URL]http://www.conductdisorders.com/forum/showthread.php?t=685[/URL] Caller ID also helped me immensely for the longest time. If you don't have it I would strongly urge you to sign up for it. I admit that some times when I didn't think [U][I]I[/I][/U] could behave the "right" way, I just didn't answer the phone when he called. I figured that no matter how old our kids are, we are still supposed to be role models and take the lead on this. You have to be honest with yourself and sometimes you won't like the answer you give yourself about your own behavior :bag: . If he got out of control on a call I would give him one warning- "Rob, if you can't talk to me with respect, I will hang up the phone." And if his diatribe continued, I would say, "Rob, I am hanging up now. I will be happy to talk to you when you can control yourself." And I would hang up. If it was a face to face visit and he got disrespectful I'd say the same thing.....that if he couldn't get himself in control that I was leaving...and I'd leave. Slowly but surely he learned to talk and act differently and I learned to talk and act differently. This has progressed over a period of several years now. It is not a quick fix. But it is worth it. Hugs to you, Suz [/QUOTE]
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