It's times like this that ......

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by TeDo, Jul 18, 2012.

  1. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    I just want to run away from home......permanently.

    difficult child 2 has been in the community theater productions for 5 years now. That's his "thing". As they were rehearsing this year's play, they realized that it would look better if there was a REAL person playing the dead body. difficult child 2 asked difficult child 1 if he wanted to and difficult child 1 was so excited, we normally have separate activities because of the competition and "territory" factors. difficult child 2 has tried some of difficult child 1's activities but didn't like them so it was never an issue really. difficult child 1 has never tried any of difficult child 2's activities so this was a first......and a surprise that difficult child 2 would even want him to considering he is constantly saying difficult child 1 embarrasses him. Anyway, they've been doing great.

    Last night, difficult child 2 spent the night at my mom's with my sister and niece. Needless to say, he didn't get much sleep. difficult child 1 went to his horseback riding practice then went to rehearsal late. As soon as he got there, difficult child 2 hid his shoes. difficult child 1 got mad so difficult child 2 finally told him where they were. difficult child 1 got bored waiting for his turn on staage and was twirling some prop guns on his fingers. difficult child 2 came in after his part was done and took them away from difficult child 1. difficult child 1 let him. When difficult child 1 came back from his part, he asked for them back. difficult child 2 refused and difficult child 1 was "stuck" so they started wrestling over them. difficult child 2 hid them and difficult child 1 did his "tough guy" act to try to intimidate difficult child 2 (difficult child 1 is 4'8" & 70#; difficult child 2 is 5'10" & 190# so you can imagine). difficult child 2 grabbed difficult child 1 by the back of the neck and squeezed. difficult child 1 texted me to come get him. He came out with his entire costume (his own set of clothes) and said he quits. Keep in mind they start performances tomorrow. When difficult child 2 came into the van, he immediately apologized to difficult child 1 who had confided in me that he hates his life and wants to drown himself.

    difficult child 2 has always been difficult child 1's "safety" and he's emotionally attached to difficult child 2 (though he'd deny it) and was so honored that difficult child 2 wanted to share HIS activity with difficult child 1. Then he does something so immature and mean. When I try talking to either one of them to explain the other's point of view, NEITHER of them seems to be capable of it. That seems to be the only Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) trait they share and it drives me absolutely bananas. I just want to give up. I don't know what to do to get through to either one of them.

    I know, things have been overall positive but then we have days like this and it's almost like PTSD for ME!!
     
  2. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    Life just keeps throwing curves.
     
  3. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    What did difficult child 1 decide to do about the play? Did he change his mind and agree to be in it? I'm sorry this is going on.
     
  4. Ktllc

    Ktllc New Member

    Can they understand that not getting along will hurt them BOTH in certain circumstances?
    To a different level obviously, V and Partner always go back and forth on the smallest little thing. Kind arguing just for the sake of it. Fair or not fair, I now stop whatever they are doing (game, TV, outside rides, etc) and tell them they can't go back to it until they reach an understanding. If they can't (often because V is stuck) then I ask them to go on seperately and do something entirely different. Of course, I only have 1 difficult child in the mix which make it A LOT easier.
     
  5. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member

    I understand the part about them not being able to see things from any point of view but their own. To this day, both difficult child 1 and difficult child 2 have this problem. However, while difficult child 1 is sometimes capable of seeing things from another perspective, difficult child 2 is totally incapable of this. I doubt difficult child 2 will improve in this area.

    Wish I had some good advice on how to make them understand that there is more then one way of seeing things. I think that with difficult child 1, nothing I did or said helped. I think it was more a matter of him slowly maturing, being out on his own, having to deal in the "real world," etc...

    Sending sympathetic hugs and hoping today is a much better day... SFR
     
  6. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    Bunny, he is doing the play and opening night went off without a hitch and they are getting along well there again. Obviously difficult child 2 had to get his "snarkiness" out of his system and difficult child 1 is the obvious target. Gee, wonder if lack of sleep had anything to do with difficult child 2's behavior?!? Hmmm

    Thanks ladies for the support. It is REALLY tough when neither of them is capable of seeing another point of view. And if my interpretation is different than theirs, wow. Then I have to try to explain each other's point of view to them and then explain mine. They just don't realize how important this is going to be in the real world especially when it comes to a work environment.
     
  7. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Jamie and Cory werent twins obviously but they might as well have been because they were exactly 2 years apart and stuck like glue. They were just referred to as "the boys". It was Billy and the boys. Those two could push each others buttons so well all their lives. Lord I thought they were going to kill each other while they were growing up...lol. They couldnt walk past each other without one of them tripping the other one. I used to throw them outside when they got to fussing too badly and tell them not to come in until someone was dead. LOL.

    The good news is that now they absolutely adore each other. All the boys would take a bullet for each other. I can go to my grave knowing that my kids will always be there to take care of each other.
     
  8. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    Thanks for the positive side Janet. You don't know how bad I need that some days.
     
  9. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Just sending hugs.
     
  10. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    They've been doing great the past couple days. Now this morning, difficult child 2 is playing a video game and difficult child 1 is in the same room on the laptop. Well, difficult child 2 "got lost" on the game so difficult child 1 was trying to help him by telling him where to go. difficult child 2 is getting frustrated and gets upset with difficult child 1 for "telling me what to do!". That made difficult child 1 upset because "I'm just trying to help you" and yea, you can see where this is going. One sees it as helping and the other one sees the exact same thing as bossiness. Same situation, different views, and NEITHER ONE can see the opposite side. Grrrr
     
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