I am the totally wiped out and stressed mom to an amazing 8 yr old little boy who has been diagnosed with ODD, Anxiety, Depression, etc. I am getting no help from my SD. They ignored my requests for three years about getting my son evaluated until I independantly had him tested a few months ago. He currently has a TSS and a mobile therapist but the school is pushing that he be "medicated asap" The thing is they ignored me for so long and now feel that we have a "crisis" situation on our hands. I am so frustrated I could scream. We have very few child Pyschiatrists in our area and I am on every wait list in a 3 county radius. I truly feel the main issue is his teacher. I observed the class today and there is one set of rules for my son and then the rules for the rest of the class. I in my heart still thing that the diagnosis is not accurate and I think my child has Aspergers but that is another rant entirely. All of my sons issues center around school. I have very few issues with him at home. I am hoping to find support and understanding rather than hearing that I just need to spank him more. I am open to suggestions and any advice anyone may have!
Just a little introduction
- Thread starter jbckp5
- Start date
totoro
Mom? What's a difficult child?
Welcome! Sorry you had to find us.
I am not that well versed in the School issues, but I do know they have NO say in whether or not you medicate your child.
WHo tested your child? Did he have a Nuero-psychiatric evaluation?
What makes you think the diagnosis is wrong?
If you really do think it is wrong, you should push for further evaluations. Call all of the psychiatristS and let them know you would like to be called if there is a cancellation, that you are in a desperate situation. Not pushy, but pushy nice!
Welcome and tell us more about yourself
I am not that well versed in the School issues, but I do know they have NO say in whether or not you medicate your child.
WHo tested your child? Did he have a Nuero-psychiatric evaluation?
What makes you think the diagnosis is wrong?
If you really do think it is wrong, you should push for further evaluations. Call all of the psychiatristS and let them know you would like to be called if there is a cancellation, that you are in a desperate situation. Not pushy, but pushy nice!
Welcome and tell us more about yourself
Hi and WELCOME!!
You have TOTALLY come to the right place for understanding and support. Many of us here have gone or are going through exactly what you are.
If you haven't read it, I recommend reading "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. Most of us here have had very good success with it. It helps you understand how your child sees things and then work on the problems.
I personally also recommend Love and Logic Parenting. You can go to the website to learn more about it and about the different books they have. It is www.loveandlogic.com . It even has stuff for teachers that is really helpful. I read all of it. I have even gone to a seminar and it was wonderful. My difficult child has Asperger's and it is the most useful thing we have done because it stresses natural and logical consequences in a way that strengthens the loving bond between parent and child.
Anyway, I am glad you are here. If the school is a problem (and it sounds like a big one) we have a Special Education forum here that is excellent. they can help you with all the legalities and holding the school accountable.
You have TOTALLY come to the right place for understanding and support. Many of us here have gone or are going through exactly what you are.
If you haven't read it, I recommend reading "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. Most of us here have had very good success with it. It helps you understand how your child sees things and then work on the problems.
I personally also recommend Love and Logic Parenting. You can go to the website to learn more about it and about the different books they have. It is www.loveandlogic.com . It even has stuff for teachers that is really helpful. I read all of it. I have even gone to a seminar and it was wonderful. My difficult child has Asperger's and it is the most useful thing we have done because it stresses natural and logical consequences in a way that strengthens the loving bond between parent and child.
Anyway, I am glad you are here. If the school is a problem (and it sounds like a big one) we have a Special Education forum here that is excellent. they can help you with all the legalities and holding the school accountable.
Jbck5: The form is in the office and you can ask for it yourself for the psyc evaluation and the DOE does pay for the evaluation and the treatment with the psyciatrist. And you are learning too, so do take time to take in as much information as you can...seek out highly reguarded authors on the conditions you are suspecting and what has been done. Just start reading until you can not stand it...and then keep on. ANTONATE using post-its so the things that strike you are relavant you can go back to and gather like precious jewels to pull out as needed.
I just found that out about you can walk into the office and request the form and they do not have to intiat or even agree.
CErtainly you need IEP services and you can just call the Special Education on the administrative level and meet and go over what is going on in class.
ANd you can call the meetings yourself and you can call them in the future.
My son drove the whole school nutty in elementary. Someone who worked there told me that my sons name was spoken everyday through out the day more than any other...and she felt the whole class treated him like the teacher did. That may sound hairy and bad..but knowledge is always power.
THe IEP, after that, dealt with that behavour by requiring subtle que s from the teacher and NOT his name.
I really like the book "Help my special needs child" for language to use in
the IEP and with the teachers about your childs needs, strengths and the tracking of goals as he continues to learn.
The diagnosis is one piece. Another is how is he learning?
Honestly the teacher needs the input and chances are she/he is aplying the best of what they know.
And some teachers are just better suited to accomidating unique indiviguals that come into their class.
When the principle figured out my son could work independantly in a quiet room by himself (and not in a room with many many interesting people his size who were doing things) he had him in the office off his classroom to do that.
Please do not spank your child, or let others spank him.
Curious what the seperate rules are...and if it is an autism type condition there was a very challenged elementary child that was in my sons elementary class who participated even in the proformances and that child was completely isolated within and in the class. Clearly that he finds his way in life may mean that isolation wether in his own being
and in the presence of others. These things that are our unique kids are
also their strengths.
TEasing out what is so for your child is the key. It is differant for our children in the world at school. It may not hurt to look at other schools that you think can be for him better. But you do have alot you can do for getting into his classroom what he needs.
Take good care of yourself. Rest well. Yes..rest really well.
Children learn. Your child is learning and you are on the right track.
I just found that out about you can walk into the office and request the form and they do not have to intiat or even agree.
CErtainly you need IEP services and you can just call the Special Education on the administrative level and meet and go over what is going on in class.
ANd you can call the meetings yourself and you can call them in the future.
My son drove the whole school nutty in elementary. Someone who worked there told me that my sons name was spoken everyday through out the day more than any other...and she felt the whole class treated him like the teacher did. That may sound hairy and bad..but knowledge is always power.
THe IEP, after that, dealt with that behavour by requiring subtle que s from the teacher and NOT his name.
I really like the book "Help my special needs child" for language to use in
the IEP and with the teachers about your childs needs, strengths and the tracking of goals as he continues to learn.
The diagnosis is one piece. Another is how is he learning?
Honestly the teacher needs the input and chances are she/he is aplying the best of what they know.
And some teachers are just better suited to accomidating unique indiviguals that come into their class.
When the principle figured out my son could work independantly in a quiet room by himself (and not in a room with many many interesting people his size who were doing things) he had him in the office off his classroom to do that.
Please do not spank your child, or let others spank him.
Curious what the seperate rules are...and if it is an autism type condition there was a very challenged elementary child that was in my sons elementary class who participated even in the proformances and that child was completely isolated within and in the class. Clearly that he finds his way in life may mean that isolation wether in his own being
and in the presence of others. These things that are our unique kids are
also their strengths.
TEasing out what is so for your child is the key. It is differant for our children in the world at school. It may not hurt to look at other schools that you think can be for him better. But you do have alot you can do for getting into his classroom what he needs.
Take good care of yourself. Rest well. Yes..rest really well.
Children learn. Your child is learning and you are on the right track.
LittleDudesMom
Well-Known Member
Good Morning J,
I'm glad you have found us here!
First and foremost - the school cannot mandate that your son be medicated. It is against the law. School systems have been sued over this issue. It is the school's job, under IDEA (Individual's with Disabilities Act), to educate your son. If they have to put accomodations and modifications in place, or hire an aide, give him tutoring, Occupational Therapist (OT), etc., the law requires it be done.
It is also against the law for them to ignor your requests for evaluation. But, you have to prove you asked - thus your request should have been sent by certified letter.
Here are a coupld suggestions I have to offer -
-Sent a letter to the principal TODAY requesting a full academic and psyc evaluation of your son. Send the letter CERTIFIED. The school has 10 days to respond under the law.
-Go over to the Special Education Archives on the site here - I'm pretty sure there is a link with a sample letter (and go ahead and poke around there - you will find some great information about school issues).
-Go to www.wrightslaw.com to educate yourself on education law. It's a great place to start as you begin the navigation of IEP meetings and such.
-Follow up with another letter to the principal that states you have sent a request for full testing under seperate cover, you anticipate hearing from them to call an IEP (Individual Education Plan) meeting so that you can sign off on all the tests (they cannot test your son without your approval - make sure you get every test you can; there will be a standard form you sign that lists them all.) Advise him/her that you are very concerned about your son and will be doing everything in your power to come up with some answers. In the meantime, perhaps between him/her, the teacher, and yourself, can come up with some short-term solutions to the issues your son is having in the classroom. You will not medicate your son until full evaluations are complete. (Let me add this side bar - many, many of the warrior parents on this site have gone outside the school district to get evaluations - many of us feel the quality of the outside evaluations are better and the testing more comprehensive. But cost is a factor. I'm not sure if your son has had a multidisciplinary evaluation yet - I don't recall you saying what kind of testing he has had done already. A children's hospital or teaching hospital is usually a great place to start. One issue with outside testing however, is that some school districts will definately fight over providing services as diagnosis'd by an outside source.)
-Get from the library, or click on the Amazon link on this page, and pick up a copy of The Explosive Child. It is a great look into the inside of our challenging kids.
-I'm not sure how you handle these school issues at home in regards to discipline. I am amazed that, upon your observation, the teacher continued to treat your son differently. A rule most of us go by - if the offense happened in school and the child was given consequences at school, it's done. No punishments at home. Conversations and role playing about how things could have been done differently are always in order - but no additional punishments.
Your sweet boy needs a comfort zone outside of this anxiety-ridden school enviornment. His family and his home need to be a place of support, understanding, and love. Negative school experiences can set the tone for years to come. You want him to feel you understand and, no matter what, you love him beyond belief.
Sorry if this is so long, but I had a lot to say! Not really anythign unusual for me! Again, glad you have found your way here.
Sharon
I'm glad you have found us here!
First and foremost - the school cannot mandate that your son be medicated. It is against the law. School systems have been sued over this issue. It is the school's job, under IDEA (Individual's with Disabilities Act), to educate your son. If they have to put accomodations and modifications in place, or hire an aide, give him tutoring, Occupational Therapist (OT), etc., the law requires it be done.
It is also against the law for them to ignor your requests for evaluation. But, you have to prove you asked - thus your request should have been sent by certified letter.
Here are a coupld suggestions I have to offer -
-Sent a letter to the principal TODAY requesting a full academic and psyc evaluation of your son. Send the letter CERTIFIED. The school has 10 days to respond under the law.
-Go over to the Special Education Archives on the site here - I'm pretty sure there is a link with a sample letter (and go ahead and poke around there - you will find some great information about school issues).
-Go to www.wrightslaw.com to educate yourself on education law. It's a great place to start as you begin the navigation of IEP meetings and such.
-Follow up with another letter to the principal that states you have sent a request for full testing under seperate cover, you anticipate hearing from them to call an IEP (Individual Education Plan) meeting so that you can sign off on all the tests (they cannot test your son without your approval - make sure you get every test you can; there will be a standard form you sign that lists them all.) Advise him/her that you are very concerned about your son and will be doing everything in your power to come up with some answers. In the meantime, perhaps between him/her, the teacher, and yourself, can come up with some short-term solutions to the issues your son is having in the classroom. You will not medicate your son until full evaluations are complete. (Let me add this side bar - many, many of the warrior parents on this site have gone outside the school district to get evaluations - many of us feel the quality of the outside evaluations are better and the testing more comprehensive. But cost is a factor. I'm not sure if your son has had a multidisciplinary evaluation yet - I don't recall you saying what kind of testing he has had done already. A children's hospital or teaching hospital is usually a great place to start. One issue with outside testing however, is that some school districts will definately fight over providing services as diagnosis'd by an outside source.)
-Get from the library, or click on the Amazon link on this page, and pick up a copy of The Explosive Child. It is a great look into the inside of our challenging kids.
-I'm not sure how you handle these school issues at home in regards to discipline. I am amazed that, upon your observation, the teacher continued to treat your son differently. A rule most of us go by - if the offense happened in school and the child was given consequences at school, it's done. No punishments at home. Conversations and role playing about how things could have been done differently are always in order - but no additional punishments.
Your sweet boy needs a comfort zone outside of this anxiety-ridden school enviornment. His family and his home need to be a place of support, understanding, and love. Negative school experiences can set the tone for years to come. You want him to feel you understand and, no matter what, you love him beyond belief.
Sorry if this is so long, but I had a lot to say! Not really anythign unusual for me! Again, glad you have found your way here.
Sharon
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
Hi.
I strongly urge you have a neuropsychologist evaluation. They test in a much more intensive way, and so all disorders. ODD is not a very useful diagnosis.--it merely tells you that your child is defiant, not why--it rarely stands alone. I wouldn't want the school to be the one evaluating--they usually aren't very good at it. We had to have my son tested privately and we got a much more intensive and broad understanding of him. The school district was not only way off, they have $$$ in mind--they don't want to have to deal out special services so they are biased. Plus we found they don't hire the best and brightest to work for them.
Welcome to the board
I strongly urge you have a neuropsychologist evaluation. They test in a much more intensive way, and so all disorders. ODD is not a very useful diagnosis.--it merely tells you that your child is defiant, not why--it rarely stands alone. I wouldn't want the school to be the one evaluating--they usually aren't very good at it. We had to have my son tested privately and we got a much more intensive and broad understanding of him. The school district was not only way off, they have $$$ in mind--they don't want to have to deal out special services so they are biased. Plus we found they don't hire the best and brightest to work for them.
Welcome to the board
timer lady
Queen of Hearts
Good morning & welcome! You've been offered good advice ~ come back often. At some point you'll know what applies to you & your child. Remember we can't diagnose ~ we're not doctors.
We're a group of weary parents who've been there done that & hold each other up in the worst of moments.
We're a group of weary parents who've been there done that & hold each other up in the worst of moments.
A little more about me and my family. I have a a 9 year old daughter who has the most nurturing and loving personality. Along with my difficult child 8 yr old son I also have a 6 year old little boy. He is my active sports minded child. His days are all about being involved in some sort of sport related activity. I am married to thier dad and in the past year or so our marriage has gotten rocky but we are still on the same page about our kids....for the most part anyway ! I also had the extreme pleasure to carry twins for a couple that was unable to have children on thier own. We have a small zoo at our house. I am a receptionist/Vet tech assistant so all of us are total animal lovers. We have a bloodhound mix named Doyle, an adult cat named Tigger and a kitten named Sushi, two parakeets named Dagger and Spike, and a pet rat named Hutch.
We did finally seek a psychological evaluation on our own when the school psychologist said that there was nothing wrong with my son. I am in the process of getting a MH/MR caseworker so that we can have a facilitator for the school. They had our difficult child go to "saturday school" today and by the grace of some higher power the teacher was one of the special education teachers. He wound up having some issues and we had to pick him up early. My husband had a discussion with her about what was going on with him and her thought was sending him to saturday school was like punishing an armless person for not picking up a piece of paper. The punishment didn't fit. I am not denying that my son has issues and needs services but I don't feel like the school is taking me seriously. I had to go into school thursday and the vice principal started talking down to me about the whole situation. I for once didn't let my irish temper get the better of me and told her that I was well aware of the "seriousness" of the situation but felt that it was unfair that I was put off by the school district for three years and now that it has come to light that my son has problems that the school wants it fixed in a few days. I think I suprised her when I asked why an emotioal support classroom was not offered to us and why my son's medical records were being discussed with people that should not have access or information of that nature. I told her that I would be happy to discuss with a lawyer the HIPPA violation and mentioned that the fact that my son was not recieving an appropraite education would most likey interest peak the interest of an attorney. I made it very clear that I was well within my rights to ask for these services for my child and she was not dealing with a parent that would just shut up because they were getting discouraged or "put off".
I was told by our wrap around provider that my son is the 6th client they have had in this particular teachers classroom and she is rigid and inflexible when it comes to implementing the suggestions of the MT or the TSS. She treats my child like he is dumb and I know full well he isn't. It it was an option I would be homeschooling him because I know his potential.
It has gotten to the point with this teacher that she told our TSS that he needs to be in some sort of inpatient facility. I seriously about when postal when I heard that. What right does she have to say that..none!
I just feel so discouraged and let down. I blame myself for not pushing for things sooner. I second guess every decision I have made and feel like my son has been labeled by the school and they just think he is a PITA. I am tired of being spoken to like I have no brain in my head and being told that I need to step up as a parent.
anyway.....Thank you so much for listening to me and for letting me vent!
! I also had the extreme pleasure to carry twins for a couple that was unable to have children on thier own. We have a small zoo at our house. I am a receptionist/Vet tech assistant so all of us are total animal lovers. We have a bloodhound mix named Doyle, an adult cat named Tigger and a kitten named Sushi, two parakeets named Dagger and Spike, and a pet rat named Hutch.We did finally seek a psychological evaluation on our own when the school psychologist said that there was nothing wrong with my son. I am in the process of getting a MH/MR caseworker so that we can have a facilitator for the school. They had our difficult child go to "saturday school" today and by the grace of some higher power the teacher was one of the special education teachers. He wound up having some issues and we had to pick him up early. My husband had a discussion with her about what was going on with him and her thought was sending him to saturday school was like punishing an armless person for not picking up a piece of paper. The punishment didn't fit. I am not denying that my son has issues and needs services but I don't feel like the school is taking me seriously. I had to go into school thursday and the vice principal started talking down to me about the whole situation. I for once didn't let my irish temper get the better of me and told her that I was well aware of the "seriousness" of the situation but felt that it was unfair that I was put off by the school district for three years and now that it has come to light that my son has problems that the school wants it fixed in a few days. I think I suprised her when I asked why an emotioal support classroom was not offered to us and why my son's medical records were being discussed with people that should not have access or information of that nature. I told her that I would be happy to discuss with a lawyer the HIPPA violation and mentioned that the fact that my son was not recieving an appropraite education would most likey interest peak the interest of an attorney. I made it very clear that I was well within my rights to ask for these services for my child and she was not dealing with a parent that would just shut up because they were getting discouraged or "put off".
I was told by our wrap around provider that my son is the 6th client they have had in this particular teachers classroom and she is rigid and inflexible when it comes to implementing the suggestions of the MT or the TSS. She treats my child like he is dumb and I know full well he isn't. It it was an option I would be homeschooling him because I know his potential.
It has gotten to the point with this teacher that she told our TSS that he needs to be in some sort of inpatient facility. I seriously about when postal when I heard that. What right does she have to say that..none!
I just feel so discouraged and let down. I blame myself for not pushing for things sooner. I second guess every decision I have made and feel like my son has been labeled by the school and they just think he is a PITA. I am tired of being spoken to like I have no brain in my head and being told that I need to step up as a parent.
anyway.....Thank you so much for listening to me and for letting me vent!
