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The Watercooler
Just a little vent about self centered adult kids
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 101181" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>I agree with most of what has been written, but please, do NOT put this in a Christmas card. Do not connect this with Christmas in any way, it will backfire badly on you.</p><p></p><p>Someone I know (I used to call her 'friend', it's slid away from that because of how she treats people, me included) got a card like that from her mother. Whether or not my friend did anything to deserve a card like that, it was not received as the mother intended. All it did was give the girl something else to feel justified in whingeing about. "See? I told you my mother is a selfish, heartless, cold-hearted woman with not an ounce of fellow-feeling in her."</p><p>I had been hearing horror stories about this mother for some time. I'm sure this woman genuinely believes her mother IS a mean, nasty person. And she could be right - I will never know. But reading between the lines, I'm now certain there is at least fault on both sides, and whatever it is - it certainly was not helped by sending the daughter a chiding greeting card. Nothing positive was achieved, no lessons were learnt and even bigger barriers to resolution were set up.</p><p></p><p>The best way to handle it - stop being available, stop being helpful. And when she asks why, tell her you're too poor from the over-spending, you're too tired from all the extra work, you're too faint from hunger and constant malnutrition (lack of soup). Maybe when you're back on y our feet you can help a bit more. Of if she can help you, you will be back on your feet sooner.</p><p></p><p>But it's quid pro quo. And call in your loans. All of them. AND start charging board for when she IS home.</p><p></p><p>The sudden change will make her wake up and smell the coffee, faster and more positively than any greeting card.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 101181, member: 1991"] I agree with most of what has been written, but please, do NOT put this in a Christmas card. Do not connect this with Christmas in any way, it will backfire badly on you. Someone I know (I used to call her 'friend', it's slid away from that because of how she treats people, me included) got a card like that from her mother. Whether or not my friend did anything to deserve a card like that, it was not received as the mother intended. All it did was give the girl something else to feel justified in whingeing about. "See? I told you my mother is a selfish, heartless, cold-hearted woman with not an ounce of fellow-feeling in her." I had been hearing horror stories about this mother for some time. I'm sure this woman genuinely believes her mother IS a mean, nasty person. And she could be right - I will never know. But reading between the lines, I'm now certain there is at least fault on both sides, and whatever it is - it certainly was not helped by sending the daughter a chiding greeting card. Nothing positive was achieved, no lessons were learnt and even bigger barriers to resolution were set up. The best way to handle it - stop being available, stop being helpful. And when she asks why, tell her you're too poor from the over-spending, you're too tired from all the extra work, you're too faint from hunger and constant malnutrition (lack of soup). Maybe when you're back on y our feet you can help a bit more. Of if she can help you, you will be back on your feet sooner. But it's quid pro quo. And call in your loans. All of them. AND start charging board for when she IS home. The sudden change will make her wake up and smell the coffee, faster and more positively than any greeting card. Marg [/QUOTE]
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