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Parent Emeritus
Just a vent, dump, screech outloud
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 638963" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Hi AngelaMia, I am so sorry you find yourself in this situation with your son. I can certainly understand your reluctance to push him out. Is he on medication for his BiPolar (BP)? Have you attempted to get him services through the state for disability? Is he eligible? Have you contacted NAMI, which is the National Alliance for Mental Illness, they can be assessed online and have chapters in many cities. They are a good resource for us parents who are dealing with what you are dealing with. Are you in a supportive environment? NAMI also has very good parent courses which can offer you support as well as resources.</p><p></p><p>You're in a tough place. When there is mental illness involved it makes it all very foggy as to how to proceed. If he has a probation officer, you might check to see if they have a list of places that hire convicted felons. Here in CA. Goodwill does as well as some chain pharmacies. There is also a nationwide program called Delancey Street <a href="http://www.delanceystreetfoundation.org" target="_blank">http://www.delanceystreetfoundation.org</a> which may provide you with some help. </p><p></p><p>I think it is still imperative even with your sons issues, to sit him down and provide some kind of a strong set of conditions under which he will live with you until he can get back on his feet. You might assert some kind of a date in the future where he has to meet your criteria or move out. There are shelters too, it doesn't mean he will be homeless. It sounds as if you are stuck in the overwhelm part of it all, which is a place where it is hard to take any action. That's where support for YOU will come in handy.</p><p></p><p>And, try to put aside your guilt about what you believe you did wrong, that will keep you stuck, your son has a disorder and he has made some mistakes that have created the present situation. That's real. It is as important for you to receive support while you are going through this. NAMI, or a 12 step group (CODA), or therapy or a parent group, whatever you feel good about, you are going to need help, I believe we all do. The support will offer you guidance, understanding, compassion and clarity. With clarity, you will have a better idea of how to proceed. As in all our cases, it is a step by step process, we just have to keep moving forward one step at a time. And, of course, there is some stepping back too, but that is to be expected. It seems that what you need now is a plan. Get yourself support. Start thinking about the criteria you have for him to stay with you, temporality, until he gets his life together. Make sure one of them is respect for you and your things. He doesn't get to abuse you or talk to you without respect. </p><p></p><p>Take one step today, call NAMI or go to a CODA meeting, once we take action, the fear begins to subside. </p><p></p><p>Where you are is a difficult place to be, seek out help. Keep posting. Take care of yourself. We're here, you're not alone.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 638963, member: 13542"] Hi AngelaMia, I am so sorry you find yourself in this situation with your son. I can certainly understand your reluctance to push him out. Is he on medication for his BiPolar (BP)? Have you attempted to get him services through the state for disability? Is he eligible? Have you contacted NAMI, which is the National Alliance for Mental Illness, they can be assessed online and have chapters in many cities. They are a good resource for us parents who are dealing with what you are dealing with. Are you in a supportive environment? NAMI also has very good parent courses which can offer you support as well as resources. You're in a tough place. When there is mental illness involved it makes it all very foggy as to how to proceed. If he has a probation officer, you might check to see if they have a list of places that hire convicted felons. Here in CA. Goodwill does as well as some chain pharmacies. There is also a nationwide program called Delancey Street [url]http://www.delanceystreetfoundation.org[/url] which may provide you with some help. I think it is still imperative even with your sons issues, to sit him down and provide some kind of a strong set of conditions under which he will live with you until he can get back on his feet. You might assert some kind of a date in the future where he has to meet your criteria or move out. There are shelters too, it doesn't mean he will be homeless. It sounds as if you are stuck in the overwhelm part of it all, which is a place where it is hard to take any action. That's where support for YOU will come in handy. And, try to put aside your guilt about what you believe you did wrong, that will keep you stuck, your son has a disorder and he has made some mistakes that have created the present situation. That's real. It is as important for you to receive support while you are going through this. NAMI, or a 12 step group (CODA), or therapy or a parent group, whatever you feel good about, you are going to need help, I believe we all do. The support will offer you guidance, understanding, compassion and clarity. With clarity, you will have a better idea of how to proceed. As in all our cases, it is a step by step process, we just have to keep moving forward one step at a time. And, of course, there is some stepping back too, but that is to be expected. It seems that what you need now is a plan. Get yourself support. Start thinking about the criteria you have for him to stay with you, temporality, until he gets his life together. Make sure one of them is respect for you and your things. He doesn't get to abuse you or talk to you without respect. Take one step today, call NAMI or go to a CODA meeting, once we take action, the fear begins to subside. Where you are is a difficult place to be, seek out help. Keep posting. Take care of yourself. We're here, you're not alone. [/QUOTE]
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