Just checking in

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by totiredtofight, Feb 24, 2012.

  1. totiredtofight

    totiredtofight New Member

    I haven't posted in a while so I thought I would give an update... difficult child 2 has been doing great in the 3 weeks she has been home from the psychiatric hospital, or atleast its wonderful for her.
    We have had only 2 minor meltdowns that lasted less than 5 min, and best of all she didn't hit a single person. She is doing all of her homeschool work with no backtalk and doing all of her chores (even extra ones for brownie points) with no complaints. At equine therapy is good and she is calming herself quickly, it is soo nice to have my V back.

    difficult child 1 is still awaiting court, They still will not let him come home. I was told that because of his charges he will have to stay where he is until sentencing.

    here is my new issue easy child ... she is now refusing to do chores.. yells and screams when you try to tell her something.. does things and blames them on difficult child 2.. and is doing everything difficult child 2 used to do .. im not sure if she is just doing these things because difficult child 1 and difficult child 2 did them or if something else is going on.
    she doesn't care about the reward system, refuses to sit in timeout, she is getting soo disrespectful ... I think she is just using what she saw working for the others to try to get her way .. anyone know how i can tell if this is learned or if she may have her own issues.:runcirclsmiley2:
  2. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    I'm sure easy child is needing some pure-easy child attention after all that, but it might not be a bad idea to go ahead and start easy child in talk therapy and kept an open eye out for signs that further testing (rather than some settling down and behavior modding) might be needed. Glad to hear difficult child 2 is making headway, hoping it keeps up.
  3. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    When one person in a "dysfunctional" family changes, it can put other members "out of order" too... even if the original changes are for the better. Like it or not, difficult child + family = some level of dysfunction. <grin>

    So... I'd be making that my first guess. Maybe easy child figures the only way to get attention is to start acting up, because that's how the others did it? Rather than even going to "behavior mod" stuff, if you suspect this might be the case, try some relationship building, instead. Give her good attention, just for being herself. Take her out for "coffee" (milkshake??) or something like that, where the attention is undivided and you can talk together?

    My second reaction - and I'd give far more weight to reaction one at this point - is that she's 8. Getting toward the end of Grade 3, maybe heading into 4. It is a common point for problems that have been "under the radar", to start to show up. LDs? less-obvious motor skills issues? maybe some Auditory Processing Disorders (APD) stuff? Try talking to her. What goes well at school, what is hard, what do the teachers tell her she isn't trying hard enough at... Might be revealing.
  4. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    I agree with Insane's perception of the problem. I know that when difficult child 1 started getting "better", difficult child 2 NEEDED for things to stay the way they were so he did a couple things (not at the same time). He'd either act as difficult child 1 used to act OR he'd try to antagonize difficult child 1 to get "normal" back. None of it was conscious. He just had trouble adjusting to the "new normal". Kids will go to great lengths to keep things familiar and predictable.
  5. totiredtofight

    totiredtofight New Member

    as far as school work goes for easy child she gets her work done before her classmates and says she gets bored waiting on them to finish, I have talked to her teacher and she gives easy child free time to keep her busy while she waits ... only thing she complains about in school are the other kids .. sometimes she gets picked on by older kids about her sister. I didnt notice her behavior changes until difficult child 2 came home and she does try to start fights with difficult child 2. today after school was the same .. come home .. show me her friday folder.. complain about chores and pick a fight with difficult child 2 as soon as difficult child 2 left for a sleepover easy child was fine.
  6. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    Because difficult child 2 isn't acting the way she's SUPPOSED to. easy child has grown to expect things to go a certain way and difficult child 2 to act/react certain ways. It's not happening any more and she just wants her normal back and does anything she can to get it back. Does that make sense?
  7. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Well you really have a mixed bag going on right now! Glad difficult child 2 is dong so much better. Sorry things are still so unsettled for difficult child 1. As for easy child...I think what the others are saying makes sense. I am sure you are stretched but some individual time sounds like it could help you sort through things. Also, a private therapist for her even if her only issues are being a easy child of difficult child's is a pretty cool idea. So many sibs have long term issues from all they have had to live through. Hope you can find some calm and peace sooner than later! HUGS to you and the kids.... Dee