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<blockquote data-quote="Andy" data-source="post: 339775" data-attributes="member: 5096"><p>Please stay! I have had you and your difficult child in my thoughts and prayers.</p><p> </p><p>Some people have a hard time in writing their input in a supportive way. I know sometimes I struggle to take the time to make sure what I am saying is written in the most positive way. I never want to hurt or offend anyone. Each person is different and as we stay and read their responses, we get to know their intent and personality better.</p><p> </p><p>None of us know the whole story. We do know that your difficult child is hurting and in turn that is breaking your heart. We are spinning our wheels to come up with ideas also.</p><p> </p><p>I would hope that some of the "harsher" responses you have received were only meant for you to stop and consider whatever the responder was thinking about. "You should follow the doctor's orders" - I think I did see that one on one of your threads. I would take that as, "If you are struggling to decide what to do, focus on what the doctor is advising." You don't have to, but that would be one person's input.</p><p> </p><p>I think in the same thread was also, "You look to much to others for advise and directions" (or something like that). To me, that one was uplifting your own confidence. It sounded like that person was saying that she does believe in YOUR decisions and you should not worry about how others will react. This is YOUR son and YOU do know best. Plow forward with YOUR plan and the others can jump on board if they want - no need to wait for their permission.</p><p> </p><p>It would be wonderful if we could always be assured that any negative input we are getting back is not meant to be an attack on what we are doing. For the most part, I do feel that it is meant to give IDEAS and SUPPORT. Sometimes people might get excited with a, "I know exactly what she has to do ......." and in that excitement, the advise may sound more like orders. I tend to be one of those people. I know so little about this world of our difficult child's that when I do think I have something to contribute I am like a little kid interrupting the teacher with "Pick me! Pick me!" I would hope that most people are really not meaning to come across at dictating to you what will solve your problems. </p><p> </p><p>Those people with difficult child's in their family do know the social and academic challenges of raising a difficult child. difficult child's are not cookie cutter people. They also come in a large no-two alike group. They have a hard time making friends. They have a hard time studying or doing homework. Not because they are not smart, but because they just have a hard time managing the information (that is what my difficult child's neuropsychologist result was). And those in turn start to affect their self-esteem. When you don't feel good, or good about yourself, you tend to make bad choices or not be motivated to work for what you want.</p><p> </p><p>Your difficult child's headaches do make his case unique in that this board has not heard of kids with such a painful symptom. I do understand your fears. My difficult child had so many symptoms before he was diagnosed - chest pains, a few headaches (not to your extent), didn't feel like he was getting enough air to breath, etc. etc. We were having EVERY medical thing ruled out. You have to because as one doctor told me, just because he has anxiety doesn't mean he cann't get other health issues.</p><p> </p><p>I have been outright attacked on this board but that was on a non-difficult child issue. I really think that if someone is so opposed to something, it is sometimes best not to reply at all. If we can not be supportive, best not to bring it up here. We all live such different lives with different values. None more right or more important then another.</p><p> </p><p>You are correct that this board is suppose to be a soft place to land to receive support. Everyone should only be giving input for the support of the poster. When that input seems to be something negative, it must be turned around and given in the most positive gentle way possible.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Andy, post: 339775, member: 5096"] Please stay! I have had you and your difficult child in my thoughts and prayers. Some people have a hard time in writing their input in a supportive way. I know sometimes I struggle to take the time to make sure what I am saying is written in the most positive way. I never want to hurt or offend anyone. Each person is different and as we stay and read their responses, we get to know their intent and personality better. None of us know the whole story. We do know that your difficult child is hurting and in turn that is breaking your heart. We are spinning our wheels to come up with ideas also. I would hope that some of the "harsher" responses you have received were only meant for you to stop and consider whatever the responder was thinking about. "You should follow the doctor's orders" - I think I did see that one on one of your threads. I would take that as, "If you are struggling to decide what to do, focus on what the doctor is advising." You don't have to, but that would be one person's input. I think in the same thread was also, "You look to much to others for advise and directions" (or something like that). To me, that one was uplifting your own confidence. It sounded like that person was saying that she does believe in YOUR decisions and you should not worry about how others will react. This is YOUR son and YOU do know best. Plow forward with YOUR plan and the others can jump on board if they want - no need to wait for their permission. It would be wonderful if we could always be assured that any negative input we are getting back is not meant to be an attack on what we are doing. For the most part, I do feel that it is meant to give IDEAS and SUPPORT. Sometimes people might get excited with a, "I know exactly what she has to do ......." and in that excitement, the advise may sound more like orders. I tend to be one of those people. I know so little about this world of our difficult child's that when I do think I have something to contribute I am like a little kid interrupting the teacher with "Pick me! Pick me!" I would hope that most people are really not meaning to come across at dictating to you what will solve your problems. Those people with difficult child's in their family do know the social and academic challenges of raising a difficult child. difficult child's are not cookie cutter people. They also come in a large no-two alike group. They have a hard time making friends. They have a hard time studying or doing homework. Not because they are not smart, but because they just have a hard time managing the information (that is what my difficult child's neuropsychologist result was). And those in turn start to affect their self-esteem. When you don't feel good, or good about yourself, you tend to make bad choices or not be motivated to work for what you want. Your difficult child's headaches do make his case unique in that this board has not heard of kids with such a painful symptom. I do understand your fears. My difficult child had so many symptoms before he was diagnosed - chest pains, a few headaches (not to your extent), didn't feel like he was getting enough air to breath, etc. etc. We were having EVERY medical thing ruled out. You have to because as one doctor told me, just because he has anxiety doesn't mean he cann't get other health issues. I have been outright attacked on this board but that was on a non-difficult child issue. I really think that if someone is so opposed to something, it is sometimes best not to reply at all. If we can not be supportive, best not to bring it up here. We all live such different lives with different values. None more right or more important then another. You are correct that this board is suppose to be a soft place to land to receive support. Everyone should only be giving input for the support of the poster. When that input seems to be something negative, it must be turned around and given in the most positive gentle way possible. [/QUOTE]
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