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just realized how angry I am
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<blockquote data-quote="Hound dog" data-source="post: 551102" data-attributes="member: 84"><p>((((hugs)))))</p><p></p><p>This is just my opinion based on experience, and tons of experience with an autistic spectrum family. (every male on husband's side at least had the traits, but most had aspergers at the least)</p><p></p><p>You're probably grieving now for the life you thought you'd have, for what you believed "normal" to be. That is normal and healthy. It's ok to cry, under such circumstances, it's good to cry. It's normal and healthy to be angry. Let yourself feel that too. You've every right to your emotions. You did get dealt an oddball hand. Your life IS tougher than the average person's life whether they have children or not. Let yourself feel the emotions so you can get them out and they don't affect your day to day living. Make certain you're getting some ME downtime each day, whether it's just a half hour walk in the evening.....just as long as it's something YOU want to do to relax and wind down. It's not selfish, we have to take care of ourselves or we can't take care of them properly. </p><p></p><p>There were moments, many, over the years when I felt like you are right now. But I found if I also made myself look at not just the negative while I did that step back look at my life thing......that there were a lot of positives that were also associated with autistic spectrum disorder, but even more importantly.......there was much more joy in my life than I *thought* there was during those times when it would start to get to me. </p><p></p><p>My husband was Aspergers. And while we had our ups and downs.........and they were pretty out there sometimes.......(he had a woman he was obsessed with since college, and I DO mean obsessed).......Well, I wouldn't have traded him for the world. He loved me with all that he had, he truly did. (obsession is NOT love) No, he wasn't perfect and his faults could/did often grate on my last nerve......but his good points, well, I am hard pressed to find his good points in other men.....it's rare to see these days. And yes, I had to be the one who dealt with the kids and enforced the rules because husband couldn't handle the job. </p><p></p><p>Travis, ok, let's just say there was never ever a dull moment when he was growing up. There was also a reason I was so thin. lol But he made me laugh, regularly although he never meant to, his total giving nature humbled me often, his quite strength and determination kept ME going instead of the other way around. </p><p></p><p>When you're caught up in the day to day, trying to keep it together, trying to remember all you need to remember, trying to keep them on task and from clashing with each others personalities.......it is soooo easy to not see those things or to forget about them. </p><p></p><p>Often I think Travis has taught me more over the course of his lifetime than I could ever have taught him. </p><p></p><p>So, hon, you allow yourself to grieve for the life you thought you'd have but didn't get. It <strong>does</strong> stink. It's <strong>not</strong> fair. From experience I can tell you that eventually once the grief is worked through comes acceptance, with that acceptance comes peace. And then you will probably realize like I did that not normal is just fine.......in some ways not normal is great. I wouldn't have my life any other way. No, that didn't happen over night. It took years to get to that point. Once I did reach it, I realized that I wouldn't go back and change a single moment of my life with husband and my kids. </p><p></p><p>It can and does get better.</p><p></p><p>Hang in there.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hound dog, post: 551102, member: 84"] ((((hugs))))) This is just my opinion based on experience, and tons of experience with an autistic spectrum family. (every male on husband's side at least had the traits, but most had aspergers at the least) You're probably grieving now for the life you thought you'd have, for what you believed "normal" to be. That is normal and healthy. It's ok to cry, under such circumstances, it's good to cry. It's normal and healthy to be angry. Let yourself feel that too. You've every right to your emotions. You did get dealt an oddball hand. Your life IS tougher than the average person's life whether they have children or not. Let yourself feel the emotions so you can get them out and they don't affect your day to day living. Make certain you're getting some ME downtime each day, whether it's just a half hour walk in the evening.....just as long as it's something YOU want to do to relax and wind down. It's not selfish, we have to take care of ourselves or we can't take care of them properly. There were moments, many, over the years when I felt like you are right now. But I found if I also made myself look at not just the negative while I did that step back look at my life thing......that there were a lot of positives that were also associated with autistic spectrum disorder, but even more importantly.......there was much more joy in my life than I *thought* there was during those times when it would start to get to me. My husband was Aspergers. And while we had our ups and downs.........and they were pretty out there sometimes.......(he had a woman he was obsessed with since college, and I DO mean obsessed).......Well, I wouldn't have traded him for the world. He loved me with all that he had, he truly did. (obsession is NOT love) No, he wasn't perfect and his faults could/did often grate on my last nerve......but his good points, well, I am hard pressed to find his good points in other men.....it's rare to see these days. And yes, I had to be the one who dealt with the kids and enforced the rules because husband couldn't handle the job. Travis, ok, let's just say there was never ever a dull moment when he was growing up. There was also a reason I was so thin. lol But he made me laugh, regularly although he never meant to, his total giving nature humbled me often, his quite strength and determination kept ME going instead of the other way around. When you're caught up in the day to day, trying to keep it together, trying to remember all you need to remember, trying to keep them on task and from clashing with each others personalities.......it is soooo easy to not see those things or to forget about them. Often I think Travis has taught me more over the course of his lifetime than I could ever have taught him. So, hon, you allow yourself to grieve for the life you thought you'd have but didn't get. It [B]does[/B] stink. It's [B]not[/B] fair. From experience I can tell you that eventually once the grief is worked through comes acceptance, with that acceptance comes peace. And then you will probably realize like I did that not normal is just fine.......in some ways not normal is great. I wouldn't have my life any other way. No, that didn't happen over night. It took years to get to that point. Once I did reach it, I realized that I wouldn't go back and change a single moment of my life with husband and my kids. It can and does get better. Hang in there. [/QUOTE]
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