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<blockquote data-quote="katya02" data-source="post: 173268" data-attributes="member: 2884"><p>Thanks for the hugs. I need them tonight. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite3" alt=":(" title="Frown :(" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":(" /> </p><p>I took difficult child around to put in job applications today; he didn't want to put in for full-time but I told him FT was best (for resume, plus psychiatrist says no reason not to go FT, and FT has the potential for benefits). We got home and easy child 2's college laptop and iPod touch had arrived and were sitting in the dining room. difficult child looked a bit upset about the laptop, but when he saw the iPod his face changed and got really dark. He snapped at easy child 2 to 'clean up all this cr**', meaning the boxes etc. easy child 2 said he'd get to it; difficult child then said, 'clean it up NOW' with a real edge to his voice. When easy child 2 said, 'Just go downstairs and chill', difficult child blew. He was across the room in a second and took two swings, both of which easy child 2 avoided, barely. Major shouting ensued that woke husband (sleeping between night shifts), who came out and tried to referee. </p><p></p><p>husband and I ended up in a prolonged shouting session with difficult child; difficult child used his usual skill in deflecting and redirecting the conversation by accusing his brother of hitting their sister, by telling me I never hear what happens (I have a little hearing loss but I was right there today and heard every word; still, this is difficult child's usual defense/accusation toward me), and by telling husband and I that we make him the scapegoat for everything that happens.</p><p></p><p>husband was completely taken in; I had to get him alone after and remind him that the issue was simple: no violence allowed. No distractions from the issue; just no violence allowed.</p><p></p><p>husband is crushed and despondent at the thought that his family is disintegrating. I have been coping with this for many years and have reached the point where my tears and stress are exhausted and I know what's coming - even though I don't like it, it's out of my hands and in difficult child's. But husband went off to work tonight looking like a ghost.</p><p></p><p>I know it's very tough to go through this with difficult child because he gets genuinely upset, cries, and accuses us of wanting to kick him out on the street with no help. He believes everything he says at the moment he's saying it. I don't like to see him cry either. But I have journal entries from when he was seven years old and would come home crying that the four year old up the street had it in for him and he had to hit the younger child, and now everyone is ganging up on him. This isn't new, I told husband. This has been going on for years, only I had to deal with it myself. So I have some objectivity when difficult child becomes upset. I've learned to stick to the point in order to protect my other kids.</p><p></p><p>Near the end of the tearful tirade, husband asked me to give him a moment with difficult child. This is usually when difficult child sticks the knife in me; this time he convinced husband that full-time work might not be a good idea because he's afraid he'll have 'bad days' and be unable to do it. I reality-tested that with husband as far as husband would allow it, but we'll see how far husband buys into it. My priority for the next year is that difficult child must abide by our rules and the household must be peaceful. I will not have daughter (easy child 3) live in hell for her last two years at home. I think that difficult child will bring things to a crisis where he leaves, spewing anger and blame on husband and I; but it won't be very soon. difficult child knows how comfy he is. </p><p></p><p>I wish difficult child had really hit easy child 2 today; I think he didn't, on purpose. He's very well coordinated. If he had wanted to connect, he would have. But that would mean me calling 911 and him going to jail. I believe difficult child knows that, but when I point out things like this to husband, he tells me I'm 'over the top' and paranoid. </p><p></p><p>The next instalment won't be long in coming, I imagine. Bleh.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="katya02, post: 173268, member: 2884"] Thanks for the hugs. I need them tonight. :( I took difficult child around to put in job applications today; he didn't want to put in for full-time but I told him FT was best (for resume, plus psychiatrist says no reason not to go FT, and FT has the potential for benefits). We got home and easy child 2's college laptop and iPod touch had arrived and were sitting in the dining room. difficult child looked a bit upset about the laptop, but when he saw the iPod his face changed and got really dark. He snapped at easy child 2 to 'clean up all this cr**', meaning the boxes etc. easy child 2 said he'd get to it; difficult child then said, 'clean it up NOW' with a real edge to his voice. When easy child 2 said, 'Just go downstairs and chill', difficult child blew. He was across the room in a second and took two swings, both of which easy child 2 avoided, barely. Major shouting ensued that woke husband (sleeping between night shifts), who came out and tried to referee. husband and I ended up in a prolonged shouting session with difficult child; difficult child used his usual skill in deflecting and redirecting the conversation by accusing his brother of hitting their sister, by telling me I never hear what happens (I have a little hearing loss but I was right there today and heard every word; still, this is difficult child's usual defense/accusation toward me), and by telling husband and I that we make him the scapegoat for everything that happens. husband was completely taken in; I had to get him alone after and remind him that the issue was simple: no violence allowed. No distractions from the issue; just no violence allowed. husband is crushed and despondent at the thought that his family is disintegrating. I have been coping with this for many years and have reached the point where my tears and stress are exhausted and I know what's coming - even though I don't like it, it's out of my hands and in difficult child's. But husband went off to work tonight looking like a ghost. I know it's very tough to go through this with difficult child because he gets genuinely upset, cries, and accuses us of wanting to kick him out on the street with no help. He believes everything he says at the moment he's saying it. I don't like to see him cry either. But I have journal entries from when he was seven years old and would come home crying that the four year old up the street had it in for him and he had to hit the younger child, and now everyone is ganging up on him. This isn't new, I told husband. This has been going on for years, only I had to deal with it myself. So I have some objectivity when difficult child becomes upset. I've learned to stick to the point in order to protect my other kids. Near the end of the tearful tirade, husband asked me to give him a moment with difficult child. This is usually when difficult child sticks the knife in me; this time he convinced husband that full-time work might not be a good idea because he's afraid he'll have 'bad days' and be unable to do it. I reality-tested that with husband as far as husband would allow it, but we'll see how far husband buys into it. My priority for the next year is that difficult child must abide by our rules and the household must be peaceful. I will not have daughter (easy child 3) live in hell for her last two years at home. I think that difficult child will bring things to a crisis where he leaves, spewing anger and blame on husband and I; but it won't be very soon. difficult child knows how comfy he is. I wish difficult child had really hit easy child 2 today; I think he didn't, on purpose. He's very well coordinated. If he had wanted to connect, he would have. But that would mean me calling 911 and him going to jail. I believe difficult child knows that, but when I point out things like this to husband, he tells me I'm 'over the top' and paranoid. The next instalment won't be long in coming, I imagine. Bleh. [/QUOTE]
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