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Substance Abuse
Just so worn out mentally from my son
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 484208"><p>4myson - I feel for you... I have so been where you are at...and the saga with my son continues and although he is getting treatment at the moment I have no idea if it will take this time or if we will be barrelling down the roller coaster again soon.</p><p></p><p>But I have changed... I am not where I was a couple of years ago which is where you are now. That obsessive worry about my son, so you can't think or concentrate on anything else, and especially not on yourself. Don't get me wrong, I still worry and sometimes I still stew about things.... but I am also living my life, enjoying my 16 year old daughter and my life with my husband. Our home life is peaceful without my difficult child in the house.</p><p></p><p>Two things helped me immensely... one was seeing a good therapist. I went to see her because I knew I needed to let go... she helped me a lot in terms of figuring out how to handle certain situations with my son, what to do etc. I needed a really objective, knowledgable person to do that with. In the process she did help me to start letting fo of things I really could not control. I had this feeling that somehow I could DO something and there were situations where she helped me see that I really couldn't do anything. </p><p></p><p>The other thing that really helped me, and still does, is finding a really good parents alanon group. This helped me learn to let go more and helped me see that the best thing i can do is to live and enjoy my life as much as I can. The focus of alanon is on ourselves but it was hugely helpful to meet other nice and good parents who had a child with addictions... who could laugh at the stories or who knew what it was like to get calls from the police in the middle of the night etc. I know not everyone likes alanon because the focus is not on the addict...but on you. However taking the focus off of him and putting it on to me has been good for me.</p><p></p><p>So your therapist is right it is time to focus on you....problem is right now you have no idea how to do that. I get that, because I didn't know how to possibly do that when I was so worried about my sons safety and well being. So that is where you ask the therapist to help you, to figure out how you do that. And if you can find a good alanon group for parents I recommend you try it.</p><p></p><p>In the meantime keep breathing.</p><p></p><p>As to your 14 year old daughter... I suggest you find a good therapist and insist that she go. A good therapist will find a way to connect with her. I realized my daughter at about 14 needed to see a therapist becuase she had lived through a lot of tough stuff with her brother and it seemed like it was affecting her. I insisted she go and told her she needed to go at least once or twice. She did, liked the therapist and still sees her but not as often. It made a huge difference for her and my daughter is doing great.</p><p></p><p>Hang in there.</p><p></p><p>TL</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 484208"] 4myson - I feel for you... I have so been where you are at...and the saga with my son continues and although he is getting treatment at the moment I have no idea if it will take this time or if we will be barrelling down the roller coaster again soon. But I have changed... I am not where I was a couple of years ago which is where you are now. That obsessive worry about my son, so you can't think or concentrate on anything else, and especially not on yourself. Don't get me wrong, I still worry and sometimes I still stew about things.... but I am also living my life, enjoying my 16 year old daughter and my life with my husband. Our home life is peaceful without my difficult child in the house. Two things helped me immensely... one was seeing a good therapist. I went to see her because I knew I needed to let go... she helped me a lot in terms of figuring out how to handle certain situations with my son, what to do etc. I needed a really objective, knowledgable person to do that with. In the process she did help me to start letting fo of things I really could not control. I had this feeling that somehow I could DO something and there were situations where she helped me see that I really couldn't do anything. The other thing that really helped me, and still does, is finding a really good parents alanon group. This helped me learn to let go more and helped me see that the best thing i can do is to live and enjoy my life as much as I can. The focus of alanon is on ourselves but it was hugely helpful to meet other nice and good parents who had a child with addictions... who could laugh at the stories or who knew what it was like to get calls from the police in the middle of the night etc. I know not everyone likes alanon because the focus is not on the addict...but on you. However taking the focus off of him and putting it on to me has been good for me. So your therapist is right it is time to focus on you....problem is right now you have no idea how to do that. I get that, because I didn't know how to possibly do that when I was so worried about my sons safety and well being. So that is where you ask the therapist to help you, to figure out how you do that. And if you can find a good alanon group for parents I recommend you try it. In the meantime keep breathing. As to your 14 year old daughter... I suggest you find a good therapist and insist that she go. A good therapist will find a way to connect with her. I realized my daughter at about 14 needed to see a therapist becuase she had lived through a lot of tough stuff with her brother and it seemed like it was affecting her. I insisted she go and told her she needed to go at least once or twice. She did, liked the therapist and still sees her but not as often. It made a huge difference for her and my daughter is doing great. Hang in there. TL [/QUOTE]
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Just so worn out mentally from my son
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